Read Online First Came You (Fate #0.5) by Faith Andrews - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Faith Andrews
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and thank her for taking such good care of me. “Love you. Be careful and have a good day.”
“Love you too. Have the nurse call me if you need absolutely anything. I can be here in less than thirty.”
“Thank you.” I slam the door and shift my backpack on my right shoulder. It’s time to face the world again, even if it’s missing two very important people.
“Gabby? What about you? You think you can make it?”
I’m half listening to Maria and Crystal talk about the plans they’ve made for the weekend. Something about pizza and a movie with the guys, but I’m zoning out—the way I have all day. I was wrong for thinking I’d be okay with this. I’m totally not, but I can’t lie curled up in a ball for the rest of my life either.
“I’ll let you know by Thursday.” With a feeble smile, I answer them the only way I know how. They’ve gotten used to me blowing them off without giving me shit. Neither of them can fully understand what I’m going through, but they’ve been good friends—checking in on me, respecting my boundaries, and treating me like the same Gabriella they’ve known since grade school. Thank God for that bit of normalcy.
But, screw normal! I’m no longer normal. And right now I feel like I’m suffocating and panic is setting in as my two best friends evaluate every move I make. I don’t need to bring any more attention to myself than my parents’ death already has, so without any commotion, I stand from the lunch table and announce, “Guys, I think I need some fresh air. I’ll be back before the bell.”
“Want us to come with?” Crystal offers.
“No,” I smile, a genuine one this time. “It’s okay. I won’t be long.”
When I get to the courtyard, my lungs expand, welcoming the Indian summer heat and melting away my momentary freak out. Fighting back the urge to scream and cry to let it all out like I do when I’m alone at home, I rest my head against a tree and try to calm my breathing.
One long breath in, one long breath out. I repeat this a few times, the way our family doctor told Gina to have me do when times got overwhelming. I haven’t had to implement it in the confines of my home with my sister and my boyfriend as my only witnesses. There I can let it all out, be crazy with hurt, kick and throw my tantrums without judgment. But here—I’m not about to give everyone a freak show. I have to hold it in, even though it hurts so bad. So I continue the breathing exercise until I’m about ready to rejoin Crystal and Maria.
“Here. I think you can use this more than me,” says a strange, male voice.
I open my eyes to see an unfamiliar hand extending a half-smoked, cigarette in my direction.
“No thanks,” I say, finally appraising the stranger’s face. He’s not a stranger at all. He’s Jacob Miller. A fellow senior. An outsider. One of the dudes who only listens to Nirvana and Pearl Jam and never follows any of the rules. The teachers hate him, the freshmen fear him, and the rest of the school thinks he’s cool enough not to have an opinion.
“I didn’t take you for a goodie two shoes, Rossi.” He inhales a deep drag of his Newport and turns his head the other way when he releases the cloud of smoke.
The pungent fumes, the white fluffy haze, the sound of the paper sizzling as it burns—it reminds me of my dad and his cigars. My heart stops and a lump forms in my throat. I miss him so much. I pinch my eyes shut once more, reaching out to Jacob. “You know what? I’ll take a drag. You’re right. Being a goodie two shoes all my life hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Maybe this is just what I need.”
I bring the cigarette to my lips, mimicking the way Jacob did moments ago. I’ve never inhaled before, but I know from watching Maria try it once that I’ll probably cough my brains out if I do. “Thanks,” I say, passing it back after I’ve gotten my cheap thrill.
“Keep it. I have more. Like I said, I can tell you need it.”
I sense
“Love you too. Have the nurse call me if you need absolutely anything. I can be here in less than thirty.”
“Thank you.” I slam the door and shift my backpack on my right shoulder. It’s time to face the world again, even if it’s missing two very important people.
“Gabby? What about you? You think you can make it?”
I’m half listening to Maria and Crystal talk about the plans they’ve made for the weekend. Something about pizza and a movie with the guys, but I’m zoning out—the way I have all day. I was wrong for thinking I’d be okay with this. I’m totally not, but I can’t lie curled up in a ball for the rest of my life either.
“I’ll let you know by Thursday.” With a feeble smile, I answer them the only way I know how. They’ve gotten used to me blowing them off without giving me shit. Neither of them can fully understand what I’m going through, but they’ve been good friends—checking in on me, respecting my boundaries, and treating me like the same Gabriella they’ve known since grade school. Thank God for that bit of normalcy.
But, screw normal! I’m no longer normal. And right now I feel like I’m suffocating and panic is setting in as my two best friends evaluate every move I make. I don’t need to bring any more attention to myself than my parents’ death already has, so without any commotion, I stand from the lunch table and announce, “Guys, I think I need some fresh air. I’ll be back before the bell.”
“Want us to come with?” Crystal offers.
“No,” I smile, a genuine one this time. “It’s okay. I won’t be long.”
When I get to the courtyard, my lungs expand, welcoming the Indian summer heat and melting away my momentary freak out. Fighting back the urge to scream and cry to let it all out like I do when I’m alone at home, I rest my head against a tree and try to calm my breathing.
One long breath in, one long breath out. I repeat this a few times, the way our family doctor told Gina to have me do when times got overwhelming. I haven’t had to implement it in the confines of my home with my sister and my boyfriend as my only witnesses. There I can let it all out, be crazy with hurt, kick and throw my tantrums without judgment. But here—I’m not about to give everyone a freak show. I have to hold it in, even though it hurts so bad. So I continue the breathing exercise until I’m about ready to rejoin Crystal and Maria.
“Here. I think you can use this more than me,” says a strange, male voice.
I open my eyes to see an unfamiliar hand extending a half-smoked, cigarette in my direction.
“No thanks,” I say, finally appraising the stranger’s face. He’s not a stranger at all. He’s Jacob Miller. A fellow senior. An outsider. One of the dudes who only listens to Nirvana and Pearl Jam and never follows any of the rules. The teachers hate him, the freshmen fear him, and the rest of the school thinks he’s cool enough not to have an opinion.
“I didn’t take you for a goodie two shoes, Rossi.” He inhales a deep drag of his Newport and turns his head the other way when he releases the cloud of smoke.
The pungent fumes, the white fluffy haze, the sound of the paper sizzling as it burns—it reminds me of my dad and his cigars. My heart stops and a lump forms in my throat. I miss him so much. I pinch my eyes shut once more, reaching out to Jacob. “You know what? I’ll take a drag. You’re right. Being a goodie two shoes all my life hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Maybe this is just what I need.”
I bring the cigarette to my lips, mimicking the way Jacob did moments ago. I’ve never inhaled before, but I know from watching Maria try it once that I’ll probably cough my brains out if I do. “Thanks,” I say, passing it back after I’ve gotten my cheap thrill.
“Keep it. I have more. Like I said, I can tell you need it.”
I sense
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