Read Online Fire in the Blood by George McCartney - Free Book Online Page B

spotted me parked outside and immediately phoned the police to complain. So they turn up, smell the booze on me right away and get the breathalyser kit out. It was as simple as that. Complete pain in the arse, of course, but I had a good run, Annie. I really shouldn’t complain.’
‘Maybe it’s just Karma.’
‘Pardon me?’
‘Well you wouldn’t have such a wonderful new assistant, if you hadn’t been caught drunk in charge.’
Jack looked unconvinced and said, ‘That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose.’
Picking up his newspaper, Jack then said, ‘I think I’m on a roll with the crossword again, but as usual there’s one sodding clue that’s got me stumped. You ready for another one?’
‘I suppose so,’ said Annie, yawning.
‘Okay then, what’s that thing that thousands of scientists have spent a huge pile of taxpayers’ money building over in Switzerland? To try and discover if something that nobody has heard of, or even cares about, actually exists.’
Annie scratched her head, and said, ‘Oh wait, I think I know that one. Is it the Large Hard-On Colander?’
Jack looked sceptically over his reading glasses at his young colleague and once more perused the crossword. He counted along the boxes, before announcing, ‘Nope, doesn’t fit in.’
‘Sorry boss, I did say it was a large one,’ said Annie, with a deadpan expression.
‘You’re right, it is a huge complex. I’m sure I read somewhere that it’s even visible to the naked eye from the moon.’
‘Just like that big rose tattoo on Cheryl Cole’s arse,’ said Annie, smirking.
Smiling, Jack replied, ‘But you could be onto something here, kiddo. Developing a Large Hard-On Colander would be much more useful to mankind than what they’re actually doing. You should send them an email, we might scam a hundred million euro grant out of them to knock up a prototype. I can see a Nobel Prize beckoning.’
Annie stared at her employer, then rolled her eyes and shook her head in mock pity. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you about all this mad shit you come out with. Have you always done it, or is it maybe an age thing?’
‘I’m not entirely sure, but I have definitely noticed that people do shed their inhibitions as they get older, and just say whatever it is they’re thinking, regardless of the consequences. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, mind you, but there is a really unfair trade off as you reach middle age. Most things you don’t do as well as your younger self, that’s a given. Like having poorer eyesight and hearing,slower reaction times and so on. All of these things deteriorate gradually over time. But conversely, while all that stuff’s going on, there are a few things that you do actually get better at as you grow older.’
‘Really?’ asked Annie sceptically. ‘Like what? ’
‘There are no prizes for guessing that number one on the list is farting, closely followed by snoring and lastly, drooling down your chin like a dog, while asleep.’
‘It’s funny you should say that, boss,’ said Annie. ‘I actually know somebody who can do all three simultaneously, for hours and hours on end. And it’s not a pretty picture, I can tell you. Actually, it’s the only example of men successfully multi-tasking that I can think of.’
Jack looked somewhat sheepish and said, ‘You’re probably right. But it is true that men’s and women’s brains are wired completely differently, so that explains why they tend to be good at different things. I read somewhere that the theory that men are better at concentrating on single tasks, while women excel when multitasking is required, is actually true. Male brains, apparently, are wired from back to front, with only a few connections bridging across between the two halves. But in the female brain, the connections between the two halves are much more pronounced from left to right. Amazing, isn’t it?’
Annie yawned again and said, ‘I don’t know about that, boss. Most of the guys