New Zealand when she was 15. Her mom a mail order Russian bride. I watched as she sat up Spearing one side of her glossy black hair behind her ear. Her crazy haircut all shaved on one side made her look like a freak. She licked her cracked lips, her tongue larger than her damn lips moistened them. She smiled indulgently “I’d be happy to do it….” I gave her middle finger while the other guys kept cracking up. Then there was the sound of boots clanging to the metal floor as the laughs soon dried up. My Unit Commander George Patrick or GP as we would call him towered over me holding on the rails above. Built like a tank, six foot four. A weather-beaten man in his late forties, chasing glory in time past gone. He then smoothed his grizzly salt and pepper beard. The scars on his face a reminder of a man born into battle. Each one significant, one down his left eye and one across his nose from the battle in Helmand. The right eye patch hiding the lost eye from ambush at Kabul. He called them tattoos. I called them very lucky to be alive. “Are you okay son?” he said in weathered voice. “Yeah, can’t wait to get home.” “Will. I want to ask you if you would reconsider the offer?” I paused, clutching the photo his eyes shifted to my hand when he said again. “I know the reasons why you’re leaving but it doesn’t work that way.” I raised an eyebrow “I’m done GP, I want to marry Claudia.” “Then what? What are you going to do for a job? How are you going to support your wife?” “I’ll find something…” “Something, packing groceries at a supermarket? Door security at bar? Will,.” I eyed him silently. Only internalizing where everyone else is going. He said “With the government disestablishing our counter-narcotics unit I’m asking you to join the PMC (Private Military Company) for Cerberus Petroleum its money well compensating for my skills. You think your gonna cash out your superannuation to have enough to finance your wedding and buy a house? ” “Damn Private security for Cerberus? Protecting Civilian contractors in Afghanistan again, Fuck that.” “Look the deployments are shorter and more pay! The equipment top of the line none of fucked Auger rifles we were using. An expenses budget even to upgrade our gear.” “I don’t care, GP I spent over a decade obsessed with this life. I’m done.” I stood up and took out the photo of her. “I put this woman through a lot of shit you know. Five years fucking years she cried when I left and cried when I came back from each deployment. God damn it, GP. I put in my time.” I reached into my pocket and showed her the ring I bought in Dubai. GP stood emotional less. He rubbed his finger. Natalya blurted “GP you’re wasting your time. I told you he’s a faggot!” “Will. I understand. Let me stress again more money less time out in the field. I need you son.” “GP its time, that’s what I want. We witnessed so many soldiers blown to fucking pieces from IED’s crazed insurgents who were locals that were trained that turned on us. GP I’m proud to have served and fought beside you that I will always remember. But it had to end for me sometime.” I watched as GP looked me in the eye, the image of Claudia in my mind. I was steadfast in the conviction I wasn’t going to be swayed. He said, “I remember that look son. I had that a long time ago…” I raised my eyebrow with watery eyes “So you understand?” GP gave a slight nod. *** Three hours later or 1700hrs we landed at Whenuapai airbase. To finally hit the ground and be home, I was eager to get off this tin can and into my arms of my woman. Everyone began to unhook while we watched the ramp lower. The wind blew in the air that wasn’t dusty or hot. I was home. Green landscape and no sound of that god damned diesel generators. We started to come down into the airfield. It was overcast, but the tarmac was rain lashed. I peered into my phone to