Read Online Fat Assassins by Marita Fowler - Free Book Online

turn. Those Tweety birds are $50 a pop.” 
    “No problem.”
    Mitsy gave her a friendly wave goodbye. “Thanks!”
    “That was crazy. It was almost like you knew where the moles would pop up,” I said.
    “Yeah. I don’t know what happened. I was in some kind of trance and everything moved in slow motion.”
     
    We paraded our gigantic furry critters over to the Extreme FreeFall ride and weaved our way around the railings to join the short line. Rows of smiling riders sat dangling their feet, awaiting their manufactured adrenaline rush. Two carnival workers checked the safety gear of the riders lined on each side of the giant metal contraption, before giving a thumbs up to a third worker in a booth. The machine propelled the riders to the top of the tower, where they hung suspended for a few seconds before dropping back down towards the ground. The screams were drowned out by the thumping sound of club music. The riders dropped a second time and the ride was finished. The workers herded us onto the metal platform, grabbing our stuffed animals and propping them against the railing. 
    I felt doubt creeping into the back of my mind. 
    “Ulyssa . . . I don’t think this is a good idea. Maybe I should just watch the stuffed animals,” I whispered nervously. “Look at the size of those seats. I don’t think I’ll fit.”
    “You’ll be fine.” 
    “Excuse me honey. You’re gonna want to sit on the end seat,” the attendant said, guiding me to the end seat and gave me a wink. “It’s a little bigger than the other ones.” 
    I saw him directing Ulyssa towards the other end seat lessening my embarrassment a little. I wish the exit gate was on our side, so I could sneak out. I wiggled my butt into the plastic seats and felt the edges digging into my hips.
    This is not a good idea.
    Mitsy patted my leg saying, “This’ll be fun!”
    I looked down the row at Ulyssa wearing the same look of doubt as she pulled the bar over her chest. 
    I tried to pull down my chest bar to connect the safety latch. It wouldn’t latch. 
    Dang. 
    I sucked in my breath and tried again. 
    Double Dang.
    The worker walked past everyone yanking on the connectors to make sure it was secure. 
    He stopped when he got to me. 
    “Hey Jimbo! I’m gonna need some help with this one!” His breath reeked of old cabbage and cheap whiskey.
    “It’s okay. I don’t have to ride. I’ll just go over there by the stuffed animals and wait on my friends.”
    “Naw. You’re fine. We’ve had to do this before.”
    Jimbo walked around the side of the ride asking, “What do you want?”
    “Need a little help getting her situated.”
    Jimbo gave me a once over and nodded. 
    Without any warning, he grabbed the chest bar shoving it into my boobs and deflating my lungs. I gasped for air while cabbage-breath struggled to snap the connector closed.
    “I don’t think this is a good idea!” I gasped. “This ain’t nothing but a seat belt, it ain’t gonna hold me.”
    “Lean into ‘er a little Jimbo so I can get this damn thing latched. I just need bout another inch or so.”
    Jimbo jumped into the chest bar pushing my arms and legs outward like a string puppet.
    “I can’t breath.” 
    “Just a little more,” he insisted.
    Jimbo gave a big shove with his shoulder.
    I heard the seat belt click or my ribs crack. Not sure which.
    It must have been the seat belt because they slapped high fives, stepped back and gave a thumbs up to the operator. 
    The machine started moving upward and my stomach began to relax.
    “Wait!” Jimbo yelled at me. “The belt came undone, it came undone!” 
    My panicked screams of, “Stop the ride! Stop the ride!” were overpowered by the music and Mitsy’s maniacal laughter. 
    The ride stopped.
    I’ve been saved.
    Then the ride dropped.
    I let out what can best be described as a Pterodactyl screech.
    So, this is I’m gonna die. A faulty safety device and the only witnesses are two Tweety birds and a