Read Online Fart Squad by Seamus Pilger - Free Book Online

CHAPTER ONE
    D arren Stonkadopolis was determined to make it to the end of the school year without getting into any more trouble.
    He was the kind of kid who was always running when he should be walking, squirming when he should be sitting, and talking sports when he should be listening in math. His hair was always a mess and his jeans almost instantly wore out. People thought he had a twin because he often seemed to be in two places at once. His mom liked to say that he had “energy to burn,” while his teachers thought he was trouble. He seemed to spend as much time in the principal’s office as in class, andevery time Miss Priscilly sent him to see Principal Dingleberry, it brought him closer to spending the summer at Harry Buttz Elementary School’s “special” summer program, which would mean missing out on sports camp with his best friend, Andy.
    So Darren was really trying his best to behave. Even though his stomach was growling. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast—and that was almost three hours ago. . . .

    â€œSlow down!” Andy called out as they dashed down the stairsahead of their class. A thick pair of glasses bounced atop his nose. He was smaller and skinnier than Darren even though he was only two days younger than his best friend. “Your lunch isn’t going anywhere!”
    â€œExcept my stomach!” Darren said. He’d worked up an appetite in gym class and couldn’t wait to get back to their classroom, where their lunches were stashed on a shelf in the coat closet. “I’m starving. Stuck-in-the-desert, eat-your-own-leg starving!”
    Darren expected that he and Andy would be the first ones back to the classroom, so he was surprised to find two kids, Bertha and Oscar Scroggy, rummaging around in the coat closet—where they didn’t belong.
    Bertha and Oscar were brother and sister. Everyone called them B.O.—in part because they were inseparable and in part because they were allergic to bathing. Darren recognized their smell before he even saw their faces.
    â€œHey!” he challenged them. “What are you doing here?”
    The twins wheeled about as though surprised by the interruption. “None of your business, squirt,” Bertha said with her mouth full. “Get lost.”
    â€œYeah,” Oscar snarled. “What she said.”

    The twins were the biggest bullies in school, in more ways than one. They had been held back so many times they were practically teenagers, and they weren’t above using their size advantage to terrorize everybody else. Most kids tried to stay out of their way.
    But Darren didn’t back down. “This is our classroom, not yours.”
    Andy looked at Darren like he was crazy, but stood by his friend. “Um, maybe you took a wrong turn?”
    â€œOh, yeah?” Bertha said, ignoring Andy. She and Oscar stomped toward the boys, clenchingtheir fists. “You got a problem with that?”
    Darren realized he might have rushed into things a little too fast . . . again. He felt bad about dragging Andy into this mess as well. One of these days he really needed to learn to control himself. . . .
    He braced for some serious wedgy action—or worse—but was saved by the sound of the rest of their class catching up to them.

    Bertha and Oscar scowled at the interruption. “Ah, this place is for babies anyway,” Bertha muttered. She shoved her way past Darren and Andy and headed out into the hall. “C’mon, bro. We’ve got better places to be.”
    Oscar followed her out the door. “Later, losers.”
    Andy let out a sigh of relief. “Whew, that was a close one. What do you think they were doing here in the first place?”
    â€œNothing good,” Darren guessed, but he was too hungry to worry about that now. His stomach was growling so loudly he could barely hear his own thoughts. He hurried over to the coatroom—but all that was