reminding her that the night was still to come, and she was already growing nervous and excited about what would happen next.
“We should talk about some rules,” Eli said.
“Rules?” she repeated, not understanding at first. “Oh.” Apparently, their thoughts had followed a similar path to hers. “Um, before we start…” She bit her lip and dropped her gaze. “I enjoyed today. But I do have concerns.”
“Then we talk,” Brand said, reaching for her hand.
Just that light contact gave her courage. She offered him a slight smile and then glanced at the other brothers. “This might be…fun…for a while, but what happens if one of you changes your mind?”
“Are you afraid we won’t be faithful?” Eli asked softly.
“I’m afraid you won’t be satisfied.” She held up a quick hand to forestall Nate making a joke. “And I don’t mean sexually. I’m sure…well, I hope…that you’ll be satisfied with what happens when we’re…intimate.”
Her cheeks heated more, but Brand squeezed her hand, telling her silently to continue.
“It’s lovely you all care about me, but what happens, really , if someone else catches your eye?” Her gaze went to Nate, whom she thought the most likely to stray—after all, he was youngest. “I don’t want you to feel as though you’re trapped. That you can’t change your mind because you think you’re going to damage our family.”
Eli nodded. “We talked about that. While we all feel very committed, we know time can change things. But we were more worried that you might draw closer to one of us.”
She blinked, because she hadn’t considered the possibility—she’d loved them all for so long. “I will tell you now, there’s not a chance I’ll stop loving any one of you. But I also want you to know that anytime you want to change things, to see someone else, I’ll be okay. I want you all to be happy—even if that means you’ll be happier with someone else.”
Nate leaned forward, about to speak, but she held up a finger to stop him. “There are two more things…”
Eli’s mouth pressed into a straight line as though he was trying not to smile. Nate gave her a crooked grin. Brand held still, his hand squeezing hers just a little harder.
“I always dreamed of marrying you, each of you, wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle of the church in town. But since that’s impossible, I won’t marry any of you. I won’t choose, and you won’t be flipping any coins.”
The men shared glances. All three narrowed their eyes.
“You can assure my future some other way. Legally. I don’t care how. But I’m standing firm. I love all of you and I’ll commit to all of you, but I won’t marry you.” Her voice thickened toward the end, and she paused to swallow the lump settling at the back of her throat. “And I will know who fathers my children. That won’t be left to chance. I will know whose name to have typed on the birth certificate.” She cleared her throat. “And since Brand and I have already had unprotected sex, his child will be first.”
“You’re not on the pill?” Brand asked, his voice gruff.
“I haven’t been since you sent me away. For now, you two,” she said, giving Eli and Nate hard glances, “are wearing condoms if you want me.”
She sat back and waited. Her gaze once again on her plate.
Beside her, Brand let out a deep breath and slowly untangled his hand from hers.
Afraid to look at him or his brothers, she held still. Now that this was becoming real, would they change their minds?
“Your mama will expect a weddin’,” Eli said, his voice even.
“My mother knows I love every one of you. I think that so long as she knows I’ll be cared for and respected, she’ll be okay.”
“But what if we want to see you wearing that white dress?” Nate said.
His voice was so soft and so troubled she couldn’t help but raise her gaze. They were closest in age. Had been playmates, best friends,
“We should talk about some rules,” Eli said.
“Rules?” she repeated, not understanding at first. “Oh.” Apparently, their thoughts had followed a similar path to hers. “Um, before we start…” She bit her lip and dropped her gaze. “I enjoyed today. But I do have concerns.”
“Then we talk,” Brand said, reaching for her hand.
Just that light contact gave her courage. She offered him a slight smile and then glanced at the other brothers. “This might be…fun…for a while, but what happens if one of you changes your mind?”
“Are you afraid we won’t be faithful?” Eli asked softly.
“I’m afraid you won’t be satisfied.” She held up a quick hand to forestall Nate making a joke. “And I don’t mean sexually. I’m sure…well, I hope…that you’ll be satisfied with what happens when we’re…intimate.”
Her cheeks heated more, but Brand squeezed her hand, telling her silently to continue.
“It’s lovely you all care about me, but what happens, really , if someone else catches your eye?” Her gaze went to Nate, whom she thought the most likely to stray—after all, he was youngest. “I don’t want you to feel as though you’re trapped. That you can’t change your mind because you think you’re going to damage our family.”
Eli nodded. “We talked about that. While we all feel very committed, we know time can change things. But we were more worried that you might draw closer to one of us.”
She blinked, because she hadn’t considered the possibility—she’d loved them all for so long. “I will tell you now, there’s not a chance I’ll stop loving any one of you. But I also want you to know that anytime you want to change things, to see someone else, I’ll be okay. I want you all to be happy—even if that means you’ll be happier with someone else.”
Nate leaned forward, about to speak, but she held up a finger to stop him. “There are two more things…”
Eli’s mouth pressed into a straight line as though he was trying not to smile. Nate gave her a crooked grin. Brand held still, his hand squeezing hers just a little harder.
“I always dreamed of marrying you, each of you, wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle of the church in town. But since that’s impossible, I won’t marry any of you. I won’t choose, and you won’t be flipping any coins.”
The men shared glances. All three narrowed their eyes.
“You can assure my future some other way. Legally. I don’t care how. But I’m standing firm. I love all of you and I’ll commit to all of you, but I won’t marry you.” Her voice thickened toward the end, and she paused to swallow the lump settling at the back of her throat. “And I will know who fathers my children. That won’t be left to chance. I will know whose name to have typed on the birth certificate.” She cleared her throat. “And since Brand and I have already had unprotected sex, his child will be first.”
“You’re not on the pill?” Brand asked, his voice gruff.
“I haven’t been since you sent me away. For now, you two,” she said, giving Eli and Nate hard glances, “are wearing condoms if you want me.”
She sat back and waited. Her gaze once again on her plate.
Beside her, Brand let out a deep breath and slowly untangled his hand from hers.
Afraid to look at him or his brothers, she held still. Now that this was becoming real, would they change their minds?
“Your mama will expect a weddin’,” Eli said, his voice even.
“My mother knows I love every one of you. I think that so long as she knows I’ll be cared for and respected, she’ll be okay.”
“But what if we want to see you wearing that white dress?” Nate said.
His voice was so soft and so troubled she couldn’t help but raise her gaze. They were closest in age. Had been playmates, best friends,
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