I want you to have what you deserve. And you deserve better than him.”
“And you are what I deserve? How dare you! Let me go!” I stormed out of the office without waiting for a reply.
Talk about whiplash . I had gone from not being able to resist this man to wanting to physically hurt him. What I had done to Charlie was bad enough without the man that I had done it with telling me he was an idiot.
I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. I needed to get back to reality.
Chapter Five
My handbag was vibrating as I stormed up the street. Work was probably trying to call me. I put my best telephone voice on, trying to keep a lid on my anger: “Hello, Leah speaking.”
“Leah, please come back. You 're ri—”
“ How did you get this number, Daniel? Are you a professional stalker? Leave. Me. Alone.” I hung up and turned my phone off.
As I got home, I braced myself for seeing Charlie —my lovely, dependable Charlie. My lover for the last six years, the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was so lucky to have him. I just needed to remember that and be more attentive to him. I hoped he hadn’t noticed how distracted I had been. But Charlie wasn’t home. I changed into my robe and ran a bath. I needed to wash Daniel’s scent off of me. I needed to rid myself of Daniel. I stretched out in the bath and tried not to remember all the parts of my body that had been touched by someone else.
“Hey, Leah, are you in there?” Charlie’s voice came through the door.
“Yes, come in—I’m just about to get out.”
“It’s OK. I’ll pour us a glass of wine.”
Charlie sounded odd, subdued. So I climbed out of the bath, relieved I’d had the chance to cleanse myself of Daniel’s smell. Charlie was on the sofa with his head in his hands and two glasses of wine in front of him. I sat next to him.
“Hey, are you OK?” I gently stroked his arm.
“Well, not really . I think we need to talk.” My vision blurred and I was suddenly nauseated. Oh my god, oh my god. He knows. Someone saw me. Oh my god.
“We’ve not seen much of each other recently and I feel like we are drifting —”
“I’m so sorry , Charlie. I know I have been distant.”
“No, it’s me . I’ve had my mind on other things. Work and stuff. But I do love you, and I want us to be right again.”
“And I love you . I feel like I’ve not been giving you enough attention.”
Tears ran down Charlie’s cheeks—I’d never seen him cry before.
“Don’t ever blame yourself , Leah. It’s not you. I’m a prick. I don’t deserve you.”
D id he know about Daniel and me? Was he scared of losing me? Had he realized he’d been a bit insensitive about his parents’ reaction to our engagement? I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. I reached my arms around his shoulders and brought his head to my chest.
“Hey, don’t say that . We just need to make a bit more of an effort with each other sometimes. We’ve been together a long time and we are figuring out how to be together forever.”
“You are too lovely , Leah. I really don’t deserve you.”
I felt so ashamed. If only he knew. I really didn’t deserve him . I may not have had sex with another man, but I couldn’t fool myself: I had been fooling around behind Charlie’s back. I was also having serious doubts about our relationship and hadn’t discussed them with him like he deserved. Maybe I should tell him that I had doubts, tell him I caught up with an old school friend. Clear the air properly.
Something about his reaction, his tears, made me think that maybe he wanted to say something , too. If he knew about Daniel, surely he would say something. In any event, it wasn’t like Daniel and I had fully consummated our feelings for each other. We had come pretty close, but now that we were done, I had no intention of seeing him again. I would have to make some excuse to not work on the Palmerston deal if our
“And you are what I deserve? How dare you! Let me go!” I stormed out of the office without waiting for a reply.
Talk about whiplash . I had gone from not being able to resist this man to wanting to physically hurt him. What I had done to Charlie was bad enough without the man that I had done it with telling me he was an idiot.
I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. I needed to get back to reality.
Chapter Five
My handbag was vibrating as I stormed up the street. Work was probably trying to call me. I put my best telephone voice on, trying to keep a lid on my anger: “Hello, Leah speaking.”
“Leah, please come back. You 're ri—”
“ How did you get this number, Daniel? Are you a professional stalker? Leave. Me. Alone.” I hung up and turned my phone off.
As I got home, I braced myself for seeing Charlie —my lovely, dependable Charlie. My lover for the last six years, the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was so lucky to have him. I just needed to remember that and be more attentive to him. I hoped he hadn’t noticed how distracted I had been. But Charlie wasn’t home. I changed into my robe and ran a bath. I needed to wash Daniel’s scent off of me. I needed to rid myself of Daniel. I stretched out in the bath and tried not to remember all the parts of my body that had been touched by someone else.
“Hey, Leah, are you in there?” Charlie’s voice came through the door.
“Yes, come in—I’m just about to get out.”
“It’s OK. I’ll pour us a glass of wine.”
Charlie sounded odd, subdued. So I climbed out of the bath, relieved I’d had the chance to cleanse myself of Daniel’s smell. Charlie was on the sofa with his head in his hands and two glasses of wine in front of him. I sat next to him.
“Hey, are you OK?” I gently stroked his arm.
“Well, not really . I think we need to talk.” My vision blurred and I was suddenly nauseated. Oh my god, oh my god. He knows. Someone saw me. Oh my god.
“We’ve not seen much of each other recently and I feel like we are drifting —”
“I’m so sorry , Charlie. I know I have been distant.”
“No, it’s me . I’ve had my mind on other things. Work and stuff. But I do love you, and I want us to be right again.”
“And I love you . I feel like I’ve not been giving you enough attention.”
Tears ran down Charlie’s cheeks—I’d never seen him cry before.
“Don’t ever blame yourself , Leah. It’s not you. I’m a prick. I don’t deserve you.”
D id he know about Daniel and me? Was he scared of losing me? Had he realized he’d been a bit insensitive about his parents’ reaction to our engagement? I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. I reached my arms around his shoulders and brought his head to my chest.
“Hey, don’t say that . We just need to make a bit more of an effort with each other sometimes. We’ve been together a long time and we are figuring out how to be together forever.”
“You are too lovely , Leah. I really don’t deserve you.”
I felt so ashamed. If only he knew. I really didn’t deserve him . I may not have had sex with another man, but I couldn’t fool myself: I had been fooling around behind Charlie’s back. I was also having serious doubts about our relationship and hadn’t discussed them with him like he deserved. Maybe I should tell him that I had doubts, tell him I caught up with an old school friend. Clear the air properly.
Something about his reaction, his tears, made me think that maybe he wanted to say something , too. If he knew about Daniel, surely he would say something. In any event, it wasn’t like Daniel and I had fully consummated our feelings for each other. We had come pretty close, but now that we were done, I had no intention of seeing him again. I would have to make some excuse to not work on the Palmerston deal if our
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