Red-tainted saliva
dripped from my bottom lip to the floor. My throat burned as what
felt like razors sliced with each convulsion.
I put my hand to my mouth
and swallowed several times before turning back over and searching
for Cailen's hand. "What happened?" I whispered, sure it would hurt
to talk any louder.
"You've been screaming for
hours."
Hours. Of screaming. That
explained the sore throat. But what about the vision? The memory,
if that's what it was. I closed my eyes to see the images again.
Cailen as a boy, with black wavy hair, his father, the silver
leaves in the black courtyard.
When I opened my eyes again, I found
Cailen staring at me, his eyes soft and searching.
"What are you thinking?" he
said.
I ran my fingers through
one of his short, curly blond locks. "What happened to your
hair?"
He smiled. "What do you
mean?"
"It used to be black."
He straightened and my hand fell to my
chest. "What did you say?" His eyes widened.
"Nothing. Never mind." I
turned my head, avoiding his stare. I'd hoped it had been a memory,
but by the way Cailen looked at me like I'd just lost my mind, I
knew I'd been dreaming. Nothing more.
He leaned back toward me and wove his
fingers between mine. "Yes, it used to be black."
"It was?" I turned, smiling. So it had
been real. Somehow, a crazy blackout had given me a real
memory.
"Well, yes, before we were
bonded."
My heart sank at the word.
Everything came tumbling down around me as all the details cleared.
Young Cailen had said something about another Windbringer, a girl
named Anna, which meant...
No. I didn't want to think
about it. But I had to. A voice in the back of my head pounded
through my skull, forcing me to acknowledge it. Or at least
consider it. If what I'd just seen had actually happened, then
Cailen was bonded to someone else. He belonged to someone
else.
And he was lying to me.
My stomach twisted as the
implications became apparent. Cailen wasn't mine. The darkness
clouding my vision at that moment was almost as thick and heavy as
the other darkness. My head swam. I couldn't breathe.
He grabbed my forearms in both his
hands. "Ella, what is it?"
I just shook my head. "Get away.
Please."
Doubt and then anger
rolled through me, knocking the breath right out of my lungs. I
stared, dazed, unable to pinpoint its source. And then I realized
where it came from. Not from me, but Cailen. His fingers tightened
around my arms, pinching my skin, before he shoved himself away and
turned his back to me.
"You act like I disgust
you now." He ran his fingers through his hair and yanked. Hair that
was once black as pitch. His shoulders tightened then slumped as I
felt him push his fury to a hidden back door. Away, where it was
supposed to be, where every Windbringer learned to put it. "There
was a time the person I am didn't bother you. Back when we'd first
been bonded."
"I don't know how that's
possible," I whispered, but wishing I could scream it at him. "Not
when you’re bonded to Anna. " I put as much scorn into the
name as my raw throat could muster.
He spun around, shock
written all over his wide eyes and open mouth. But then it was
gone, replaced with a fierceness that bored deeper than the surface
of my gaze, right to my soul. My breath caught and my skin tingled
from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. "I'm so afraid
of losing you," he said. "Again."
Warmth pooled in my chest,
deep and intoxicating, and for a moment I forgot my anger, forgot
everything but how much I loved him. My hand longed to run its
fingers through his hair, to caress his cheek. He closed the
distance between us and dipped his head into my touch, eyes closed
tight.
"You're not going to lose
me. I just need to know the truth. I can't be in the dark anymore."
For the first time, these things mattered to me. I'd been so busy
trying to figure out who I was supposed to become that I'd spent so
little time learning who I already was. Now I wanted to know. The
hunger for knowing it
dripped from my bottom lip to the floor. My throat burned as what
felt like razors sliced with each convulsion.
I put my hand to my mouth
and swallowed several times before turning back over and searching
for Cailen's hand. "What happened?" I whispered, sure it would hurt
to talk any louder.
"You've been screaming for
hours."
Hours. Of screaming. That
explained the sore throat. But what about the vision? The memory,
if that's what it was. I closed my eyes to see the images again.
Cailen as a boy, with black wavy hair, his father, the silver
leaves in the black courtyard.
When I opened my eyes again, I found
Cailen staring at me, his eyes soft and searching.
"What are you thinking?" he
said.
I ran my fingers through
one of his short, curly blond locks. "What happened to your
hair?"
He smiled. "What do you
mean?"
"It used to be black."
He straightened and my hand fell to my
chest. "What did you say?" His eyes widened.
"Nothing. Never mind." I
turned my head, avoiding his stare. I'd hoped it had been a memory,
but by the way Cailen looked at me like I'd just lost my mind, I
knew I'd been dreaming. Nothing more.
He leaned back toward me and wove his
fingers between mine. "Yes, it used to be black."
"It was?" I turned, smiling. So it had
been real. Somehow, a crazy blackout had given me a real
memory.
"Well, yes, before we were
bonded."
My heart sank at the word.
Everything came tumbling down around me as all the details cleared.
Young Cailen had said something about another Windbringer, a girl
named Anna, which meant...
No. I didn't want to think
about it. But I had to. A voice in the back of my head pounded
through my skull, forcing me to acknowledge it. Or at least
consider it. If what I'd just seen had actually happened, then
Cailen was bonded to someone else. He belonged to someone
else.
And he was lying to me.
My stomach twisted as the
implications became apparent. Cailen wasn't mine. The darkness
clouding my vision at that moment was almost as thick and heavy as
the other darkness. My head swam. I couldn't breathe.
He grabbed my forearms in both his
hands. "Ella, what is it?"
I just shook my head. "Get away.
Please."
Doubt and then anger
rolled through me, knocking the breath right out of my lungs. I
stared, dazed, unable to pinpoint its source. And then I realized
where it came from. Not from me, but Cailen. His fingers tightened
around my arms, pinching my skin, before he shoved himself away and
turned his back to me.
"You act like I disgust
you now." He ran his fingers through his hair and yanked. Hair that
was once black as pitch. His shoulders tightened then slumped as I
felt him push his fury to a hidden back door. Away, where it was
supposed to be, where every Windbringer learned to put it. "There
was a time the person I am didn't bother you. Back when we'd first
been bonded."
"I don't know how that's
possible," I whispered, but wishing I could scream it at him. "Not
when you’re bonded to Anna. " I put as much scorn into the
name as my raw throat could muster.
He spun around, shock
written all over his wide eyes and open mouth. But then it was
gone, replaced with a fierceness that bored deeper than the surface
of my gaze, right to my soul. My breath caught and my skin tingled
from the top of my head all the way down to my toes. "I'm so afraid
of losing you," he said. "Again."
Warmth pooled in my chest,
deep and intoxicating, and for a moment I forgot my anger, forgot
everything but how much I loved him. My hand longed to run its
fingers through his hair, to caress his cheek. He closed the
distance between us and dipped his head into my touch, eyes closed
tight.
"You're not going to lose
me. I just need to know the truth. I can't be in the dark anymore."
For the first time, these things mattered to me. I'd been so busy
trying to figure out who I was supposed to become that I'd spent so
little time learning who I already was. Now I wanted to know. The
hunger for knowing it
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