Read Online Every Day is Like Doomsday by Selena Jones - Free Book Online

murdered.
Innya stopped walking and grabbed Elliot’s arm.
“Ow!”
“What the sraka do you think you’re doing?”
“I don’t know.I don’t know anything right now,okay?”
“Are you for real? Do you know where you are? You
are in a pit of vipers. If they sense weakness you are a
dead man. It is so obvious to me that you do not belong
here that I can’t imagine why they would think that you
do. But they do and you’re here and you need to adapt or
you will die.”
Elliot rolled his eyes. “Maybe G.O.D. is giving me
an opportunity—“
“There’s no way you actually believe that,” she cut
him off.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
“Besides, G.O.D. won’t come to your rescue when
you’re being disemboweled over the toilet in the thirdfloor bathroom of your dorm.”
“Why the third floor bathroom?”
“Because it’s the dirtiest but that’s not the point.”
“Are you really looking out for me?”
“No,” she said too quickly.
“You are,” Elliot said with more than a little awe.
So she was the one the Dean had arranged to have his
back while he was at the VA. Suddenly, even though his
very existence was in jeopardy, things didn’t seem quite so
dismal anymore. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I just don’t want your untimely
death to ruin my graduation opportunities.”
“Which are?”
“I’m going to Italy.”
“Why?”
“For starters, I’ve always wanted to topple the leaning tower.”
“Well, that’s not very nice.”
“I’m a Villain, you moron.”
“I’m not a moron.”
“You’ll be worse than that if you don’t take my
Everyday is like Doomsday
    advice. You’ll be a dead moron. What I’m trying to say
is that you can’t count on me to always be there to flash
whoever is giving you grief. I won’t always be around and
so you need to step up your game if you want to survive.
Now follow me back to your room so you can drop off
your bag before lunch.”
    “I’m still grateful,” Elliot said. She wanted to
smack the smile off his face and beat it into submission. At the same time deep, deep down, she admitted to
herself that it was nice to have someone to talk to again.
Even if he was a raging loser and she was getting paid
to protect him.
    “Don’t make me punch you, Elliot,” she said and
walked away.
When they reached the dorm Elliot led them up
the stairs to the fourth floor and his room at the end
of the hallway. He opened the door and subsequently
tripped over the pile of junk food wrappers that were on
the floor just inside the room.
“What the hell?” Elliot said as he picked himself up
off the floor.
Innya stepped over the trash and said darkly,“Hello,
pedophile.”
Elliot’s roommate, Vlad, glared at Innya through
strands of chin-length, greasy black hair as if he wanted
to bash her brains in. He said in heavily accented English,
“Hello, bitch.”
Innya snorted. “Oooh, you’ve learned a new phrase.
Good for you. I’m sure it will help you lure in the little
children of the world.”
“Innya,” Elliot said in breathless shock.
“Whatever. He can’t understand most of what I’m
saying anyway. And he is totally a pedophile.”
“Whore.”
“Be a good boy and shut up, Vladdy,” Innya said.
Elliot offered his hand to his roommate. “Hi, Vlad.
I’m Elliot. I’m your new roommate.”
Vlad looked at the hand, then looked at Elliot, and
then turned back to the TV where Barney was singing
a song about pumpernickel bread that immediately got
stuck in Innya’s head. She started planning Vlad’s murder
in her head. It involved tying him up and making him
watch as she slowly dissolved Barney and the Teletubbies
in a vat of acid. Then, because he loved them so much,
she’d toss him into the vat, as well. It was a lovely thought.
“Don’t waste your breath,”Innya said to Elliot,“You
have pubes so he’s not interested. At least, I’m assuming
you have pubes.”
“What?” Elliot said, dumbfounded. “Well, I