once. “Just an old incident. It’s nothing,” he says a little too quickly. There’s a heaviness in his eyes, like he’s weighed down by secrets.
“Then why do I feel like I’m missing something?” I look over at Gavin. He looks away. So does Jezi and Cassie. “Seriously? Jaxen?”
He grabs my hand. “Clara was just a pushy Elder. Things happened, Mack took care of it, and now Gavin thinks she might bring it back up. That’s all Gavin meant. Right?” He looks over at Gavin and exchanges a pressing look.
Gavin blows out a breath, shaking his head a little. Scratches behind his ear. “Yeah. Forget I said anything, kid,” he says to me. “I’m sure you’ll see soon enough. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He stands up and offers a hand to Cassie, who takes it after giving me a sorrowful smile.
“See you in the morning, Faye,” she says, and then turns to Jezi. “You coming? I want to stop by the Wiccan shop for some supplies.”
“Sure,” Jezi says, standing up. “Maybe we can conjure up a cigarette.” She purposefully avoids Jaxen and me, and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Like I’m on the outside looking in. Like I was never really a part of this group—a part of Jaxen—to begin with.
As I watch them walking away, whispering to each other, I’m tempted to tune in. I have the ability to. If I want to know what Gavin really meant, then I should.
But I can’t bring myself to do it.
“You’re hiding something from me. I can feel it. I thought we weren’t going to have any secrets between us.” I say with my back slightly to him. We’re alone again, but I don’t feel like we’re alone at all. There’s a secret big enough to be considered its own entity between us, and it’s making me uncomfortable, weary.
Jaxen sighs. Takes my hand in his. Tugs just enough to get me to look at him. “Look, I need you to trust me, okay? The less you know, the better. It’s for your own safety.” He has no intention of explaining. I see the roots spreading through the deep green of his eyes, planting his decision to keep me out in solid ground.
Heat burns behind my cheeks. “Just tell me what it is.”
I think I’m on the cusp of breaking clean in two. Everything is happening around me so fast… too fast to process. Something’s happening against my will, and there’s nothing I can do but sit back and watch it unravel, while praying I can weather the storm.
He chews his lip. Sighs again. “No,” he says before looking down.
There it is. The moment he can’t ever come back from, and I swear it takes a piece of my heart with it.
“But no matter what, I wouldn’t let your guard down with Clara. Okay?” he says.
I nod because I don’t trust myself to speak. I don’t trust that I won’t barrage him with a list of questions until he gives in and tells me whatever it is he’s hiding. I want to yell at him for keeping me out. For thinking that he has a right to hide something from me, but I don’t. I don’t because he asked me to trust him, and a small part of me wants to. Needs to.
He leans in and kisses me softly, as if he might not ever be able to kiss me again. “Come on,” he says, offering a hand. “Let’s get back. We have to get up early.”
“Yeah,” I finally say, but the word sounds so far away from me. So hollow, empty, and meaningless.
Now more than ever, I wish life had a button to press that could fix things.
I DIDN’T SLEEP VERY WELL.
The premonition replayed repeatedly in my dreams, only this time, Clara’s wicked grin was as clear as glass. It was the kind of smirk that speaks of death, blood, and conquest. The kind that sticks to your soul like tar on a hot, humid day.
I pray it’s because of what Weldon and the others said the night before. That it’s just nervous jitters that spread out from the information they planted in the back of my head and took over my dreams.
But the problem is—I can’t shake the feeling that it’s
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