putting your makeup on so that when you went outside your face wasn't too
dark or too light. I strolled over and picked up an item from the table, it was
my favorite shade of lipstick. Sitting down, I noticed my reflection in the
mirror. I was me again. My hair was straight and a bright shade of blonde. I
grinned when I looked at it, I paid a hell of a lot of money for those
highlights and loved that they glimmered in the sunlight. I pulled the cap off
of the lipstick and slowly rolled it until the stick of Bronzed Buff was pushed
up the tube about halfway. Gradually, I brought the stick up to my lips. "Do
it, Hope," I said to myself, terrified that if I went too fast the dream
would end. I felt and saw the color glide smoothly across my lips. I ran it
over again just to make sure I could feel it…no, that I could see it. I brought
the tube down and looked at myself in the mirror.
It
was me.
I
could visually see me. I looked back in the mirror and saw beauty radiating
back to me. I was sexy and it was erotic thinking about how uninhibited I was
when it came to being intimate with Charlie.
"I
had everything I could've ever wanted," I said to my reflection. And it
was the truth, I wanted for nothing. I let me head fall into my hands as I
thought about how nothing mattered to me anymore when something caught my eye.
There, beside me on my vanity, sat a picture of the three of us.
Me,
Charlie, and Sawyer.
My
family
It
was the day Sawyer was born.
I
never thought I could feel anything more than what I felt that day.
"We're
a family, babe," Charlie whispered in my ear as he wrapped one arm around
me and Sawyer and snapped the picture with the other hand. I leaned back and
placed a kiss on his cheek, silently thanking him for giving me the most
precious gift anyone could have ever given me. I heard the click of the camera
and finally looked up at him to respond. "Yeah Charlie, we're a family."
I
squeezed my eyes shut at the memory.
"Wait
a minute, something's not right," I said to myself as I looked around the
room again. "I didn't keep this picture here." And, I was right, I
know I was. That picture was kept on the mantle downstairs because it was so
beautiful. I got up to move back downstairs when I heard and felt a rumble so
loud, I thought the house was falling in.
"Charlie?"
I called as I went to leave the bedroom. Then, the house began to fade away.
Suddenly,
there was the loud explosion again.
Boom!
I
quickly turned around and I was now sitting in a car.
"Had
a good time tonight, Hope."
I
turned my head and saw Charlie driving.
Oh.
My. God.
He
was driving the car I bought him for our anniversary.
The car.
I
looked back behind me and there was Sawyer sleeping in his car seat.
"No,
no, no, no, no, no!" That was all that would come out of my mouth. I had
been through this once, I couldn't deal with it again. I knew the outcome and
there was nothing I could do to change it. "My god, Hope, what's the
matter? Are you alright?"
Or,
was there?
"Charlie,
when the light turns green, sit here…don't go." My voice was frantic. I
was sitting up, turned toward him. Panic had overcome me. I grabbed his face
with both my hands.
"Do
you hear me, Charlie? Don't go!"
Charlie
put the car in park and turned toward me, my face moving back and forth between
the back seat and the front seat. I reached back to grab Sawyer's hand and just
as I went to turn, the light turned green. I stopped moving.
"Honey,
it's okay, it was just a nightmare. I saw his hand reach down in slow motion to
put the car in drive. I felt as he pushed his foot down on the gas and my eyes
were looking both ways out to the intersection. I didn't see any lights, so
maybe we would be early. The car built up speed and my head went to the back to
look at Sawyer when I heard it.
The
explosion.
I
sat straight up in my bed, soaked in sweat. I was back to a lonely reality.
I
flew out of the bed with my hands out in front of me. I was barely awake so I
swung
dark or too light. I strolled over and picked up an item from the table, it was
my favorite shade of lipstick. Sitting down, I noticed my reflection in the
mirror. I was me again. My hair was straight and a bright shade of blonde. I
grinned when I looked at it, I paid a hell of a lot of money for those
highlights and loved that they glimmered in the sunlight. I pulled the cap off
of the lipstick and slowly rolled it until the stick of Bronzed Buff was pushed
up the tube about halfway. Gradually, I brought the stick up to my lips. "Do
it, Hope," I said to myself, terrified that if I went too fast the dream
would end. I felt and saw the color glide smoothly across my lips. I ran it
over again just to make sure I could feel it…no, that I could see it. I brought
the tube down and looked at myself in the mirror.
It
was me.
I
could visually see me. I looked back in the mirror and saw beauty radiating
back to me. I was sexy and it was erotic thinking about how uninhibited I was
when it came to being intimate with Charlie.
"I
had everything I could've ever wanted," I said to my reflection. And it
was the truth, I wanted for nothing. I let me head fall into my hands as I
thought about how nothing mattered to me anymore when something caught my eye.
There, beside me on my vanity, sat a picture of the three of us.
Me,
Charlie, and Sawyer.
My
family
It
was the day Sawyer was born.
I
never thought I could feel anything more than what I felt that day.
"We're
a family, babe," Charlie whispered in my ear as he wrapped one arm around
me and Sawyer and snapped the picture with the other hand. I leaned back and
placed a kiss on his cheek, silently thanking him for giving me the most
precious gift anyone could have ever given me. I heard the click of the camera
and finally looked up at him to respond. "Yeah Charlie, we're a family."
I
squeezed my eyes shut at the memory.
"Wait
a minute, something's not right," I said to myself as I looked around the
room again. "I didn't keep this picture here." And, I was right, I
know I was. That picture was kept on the mantle downstairs because it was so
beautiful. I got up to move back downstairs when I heard and felt a rumble so
loud, I thought the house was falling in.
"Charlie?"
I called as I went to leave the bedroom. Then, the house began to fade away.
Suddenly,
there was the loud explosion again.
Boom!
I
quickly turned around and I was now sitting in a car.
"Had
a good time tonight, Hope."
I
turned my head and saw Charlie driving.
Oh.
My. God.
He
was driving the car I bought him for our anniversary.
The car.
I
looked back behind me and there was Sawyer sleeping in his car seat.
"No,
no, no, no, no, no!" That was all that would come out of my mouth. I had
been through this once, I couldn't deal with it again. I knew the outcome and
there was nothing I could do to change it. "My god, Hope, what's the
matter? Are you alright?"
Or,
was there?
"Charlie,
when the light turns green, sit here…don't go." My voice was frantic. I
was sitting up, turned toward him. Panic had overcome me. I grabbed his face
with both my hands.
"Do
you hear me, Charlie? Don't go!"
Charlie
put the car in park and turned toward me, my face moving back and forth between
the back seat and the front seat. I reached back to grab Sawyer's hand and just
as I went to turn, the light turned green. I stopped moving.
"Honey,
it's okay, it was just a nightmare. I saw his hand reach down in slow motion to
put the car in drive. I felt as he pushed his foot down on the gas and my eyes
were looking both ways out to the intersection. I didn't see any lights, so
maybe we would be early. The car built up speed and my head went to the back to
look at Sawyer when I heard it.
The
explosion.
I
sat straight up in my bed, soaked in sweat. I was back to a lonely reality.
I
flew out of the bed with my hands out in front of me. I was barely awake so I
swung
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