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Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves, Patrick Lencioni
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to know yourself from the inside out and the outside in.
Self-awareness is the process of getting to know yourself from the inside out and the outside in. The only way to get the second, more elusive perspective is to open yourself up to feedback from others, which can include friends, coworkers, mentors, supervisors, and family. When you ask for their feedback, be sure to get specific examples and situations, and as you gather the answers, look for similarities in the information. Others’ views can be a real eye-opener by showing you how other people experience you . Putting the perspectives together helps you see the entire picture, including how your emotions and reactions affect other people. By mustering the courage to peer at what others see, you can reach a level of self-awareness that few people attain.
Get to Know Yourself under Stress
The mountain of stressors in your life is constantly growing. Every time your stress tolerance rises to new heights, you—or those around you—push and push until you take on more. All of the high-tech gadgets at your disposal aren’t helping, either. If anything, they just seem to speed up your life. If you are like most people, you already recognize some of the warning signs that pop up when stress is looming. The question is: do you heed their warning?
You will benefit tremendously from learning to recognize your first signs of stress. The human mind and body—at least when it comes to stress—have voices of their own. They tell you through emotional and physiological reactions when it’s time to slow down and take a break. For example, an upset stomach can be a sign that nervousness and anxiety are overwhelming your body. The indigestion and fatigue that follow are your body’s way of taking some time off to rest. For you, intense stress and anxiety may create an upset stomach, while for others the physical signs can be a pounding headache, canker sores, or their backs going out. Your self-awareness in times of stress should serve as your third ear to listen to your body’s cries for help. Your body speaks volumes when you push it too hard. Take the time to recognize these signals and recharge your emotional battery before your stress causes permanent damage to your system.
6
SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES
S elf-management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to actively choose what you say and do. On the surface, it may seem that self-management is simply a matter of taking a deep breath and keeping yourself in check when emotions come on strong, and while it’s true that self-control in these situations is a sizeable piece of the pie, there’s far more to self-management than putting a cork in it when you’re about to blow up. Your eruptions are no different from a volcano—there is all sorts of rumbling happening beneath the surface before the lava starts flowing.
Unlike a volcano, there are subtle things you can do each and every day to influence what is happening beneath the surface. You just need to learn how to pick up on the rumbling and respond to it. Self-management builds upon a foundational skill—self-awareness. Ample self-awareness is necessary for effective self-management because you can only choose how to respond to an emotion actively when you’re aware of it. Since we’re hard-wired to experience emotions before we can respond to them, it’s the one-two punch of reading emotions effectively and then reacting to them that sets the best self-managers apart. A high level of self-management ensures you aren’t getting in your own way and doing things that limit your success. It also ensures you aren’t frustrating other people to the point that they resent or dislike you. When you understand your own emotions and can respond the way you choose to them, you have the power to take control of difficult situations, react nimbly to change, and take the initiative needed to achieve your
Self-awareness is the process of getting to know yourself from the inside out and the outside in. The only way to get the second, more elusive perspective is to open yourself up to feedback from others, which can include friends, coworkers, mentors, supervisors, and family. When you ask for their feedback, be sure to get specific examples and situations, and as you gather the answers, look for similarities in the information. Others’ views can be a real eye-opener by showing you how other people experience you . Putting the perspectives together helps you see the entire picture, including how your emotions and reactions affect other people. By mustering the courage to peer at what others see, you can reach a level of self-awareness that few people attain.
Get to Know Yourself under Stress
The mountain of stressors in your life is constantly growing. Every time your stress tolerance rises to new heights, you—or those around you—push and push until you take on more. All of the high-tech gadgets at your disposal aren’t helping, either. If anything, they just seem to speed up your life. If you are like most people, you already recognize some of the warning signs that pop up when stress is looming. The question is: do you heed their warning?
You will benefit tremendously from learning to recognize your first signs of stress. The human mind and body—at least when it comes to stress—have voices of their own. They tell you through emotional and physiological reactions when it’s time to slow down and take a break. For example, an upset stomach can be a sign that nervousness and anxiety are overwhelming your body. The indigestion and fatigue that follow are your body’s way of taking some time off to rest. For you, intense stress and anxiety may create an upset stomach, while for others the physical signs can be a pounding headache, canker sores, or their backs going out. Your self-awareness in times of stress should serve as your third ear to listen to your body’s cries for help. Your body speaks volumes when you push it too hard. Take the time to recognize these signals and recharge your emotional battery before your stress causes permanent damage to your system.
6
SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES
S elf-management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions to actively choose what you say and do. On the surface, it may seem that self-management is simply a matter of taking a deep breath and keeping yourself in check when emotions come on strong, and while it’s true that self-control in these situations is a sizeable piece of the pie, there’s far more to self-management than putting a cork in it when you’re about to blow up. Your eruptions are no different from a volcano—there is all sorts of rumbling happening beneath the surface before the lava starts flowing.
Unlike a volcano, there are subtle things you can do each and every day to influence what is happening beneath the surface. You just need to learn how to pick up on the rumbling and respond to it. Self-management builds upon a foundational skill—self-awareness. Ample self-awareness is necessary for effective self-management because you can only choose how to respond to an emotion actively when you’re aware of it. Since we’re hard-wired to experience emotions before we can respond to them, it’s the one-two punch of reading emotions effectively and then reacting to them that sets the best self-managers apart. A high level of self-management ensures you aren’t getting in your own way and doing things that limit your success. It also ensures you aren’t frustrating other people to the point that they resent or dislike you. When you understand your own emotions and can respond the way you choose to them, you have the power to take control of difficult situations, react nimbly to change, and take the initiative needed to achieve your
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