Read Online Elvis and the Blue Christmas Corpse by Peggy Webb - Free Book Online
Authors: Peggy Webb
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more jingle bell nail art than my friend Trey (Jarvetis’ best redbone hound dog) has fleas, Bobby finally has two people show up to talk about the free jazz funeral, and nobody in Santa’s Court gets shot at, knifed, or fried on Santa’s throne.
After we leave the mall, we head to the hospital to see Charlie, where I have to cool my paws in the truck again. It’s worth the disgrace of being treated like an ordinary dog to see Callie’s smile when she gets back in the truck. Ruby Nell is with her.
It turns out Charlie is feeling much better. We take Ruby Nell back to the farm, a beautiful spread south of Mooreville where I love to chase rabbits while my ears blow in the wind.
“Mama, you should stay home and rest tonight.”
“All I need is a change of clothes and my car. I’m not fixing to loll around on my royal you know what and leave Charlie in the hands of Nurse Ratched.”
“But Uncle Charlie said for you to stay on the farm.”
Callie might as well save her breath. Ruby Nell will never “Surrender.” In fact, she says, “Flitter,” and that’s her last word on the subject.
When we finally get home, I belly flop on the cool kitchen tiles and listen to Callie and Lovie tell Jack about the day. He gets a big kick out of the tale of the great toilet rush. His booming laugh is better than a used T-bone with a little meat clinging to it. It makes me want to out-Crosby old Bing himself with a mellow turn of “White Christmas.”
“All those toilet emergencies sound suspicious to me.” This from Lovie, who not only laughs first at a good joke but is usually the one telling it. “I think that crazy old lady was serving tainted cookies.”
“Holy cow, Lovie. Opal Stokes is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. She adored Elvis.” Liking dogs is a sign of good character. My human mom knows this.
“You thought that about Beulah Jane Ball, too, and she was going around the Elvis Festival knocking off Elvises.”
“Could there be a tad of professional jealousy talking?”
“Professional jealousy, my foot.” Only Lovie didn’t say “foot.” She used a word that would curdle eggnog. If Charlie were here, he’d say, “Now, now dear hearts.”
Fortunately, my human daddy is getting ready to step into the Valentine godfather’s big shoes. I can smell his intent a mile away.
“Why don’t you two go into the den and turn on the six o’clock news while I make a big pot of my famous hot chocolate?”
“Should I be jealous of your cooking skills, Jack?” Lovie’s laughing when she says this, so I know there’s “Peace in the Valley” once more. Not that there was ever any danger of a real rift between Callie and Lovie. The cousins are a team, and lord help the man who tries to come between them.
“Lovie, you make me a big pot of your chicken and dumplings and I’ll share my Mayan chocolate recipe.”
“Done.”
Lovie and Callie link arms and head to the den, but I stay behind in the kitchen. Listen, this is the place that smells the most like Christmas—the cinnamon Jack puts in the hot chocolate, the fragrant pine and holly berries Callie arranged in earthenware jars, the bayberry candles in the center of the table. With all this cheer in the air, Jack is sure to sneak me a little treat.
Chapter 5
Bad News, Big Surprise, and Deck the Mall with Christmas Corpses
B y the time the evening TV news anchor Cody Lacey comes on, Jack is in the den with a tray, holding a pot of steaming hot chocolate that smells like heaven, a rawhide bone for Elvis, and my pottery Christmas cups that feature a snow scene with cedar trees and red birds. The cups are from a set of holiday dishes Jack bought for me our first Christmas together. I thought it meant he was building a future with me. Turns out he only got them because he knows I love pretty dishes.
It also turns out I don’t have time to dwell on the cups because a more pressing matter is at hand. Pressing being the operative word. Jack
After we leave the mall, we head to the hospital to see Charlie, where I have to cool my paws in the truck again. It’s worth the disgrace of being treated like an ordinary dog to see Callie’s smile when she gets back in the truck. Ruby Nell is with her.
It turns out Charlie is feeling much better. We take Ruby Nell back to the farm, a beautiful spread south of Mooreville where I love to chase rabbits while my ears blow in the wind.
“Mama, you should stay home and rest tonight.”
“All I need is a change of clothes and my car. I’m not fixing to loll around on my royal you know what and leave Charlie in the hands of Nurse Ratched.”
“But Uncle Charlie said for you to stay on the farm.”
Callie might as well save her breath. Ruby Nell will never “Surrender.” In fact, she says, “Flitter,” and that’s her last word on the subject.
When we finally get home, I belly flop on the cool kitchen tiles and listen to Callie and Lovie tell Jack about the day. He gets a big kick out of the tale of the great toilet rush. His booming laugh is better than a used T-bone with a little meat clinging to it. It makes me want to out-Crosby old Bing himself with a mellow turn of “White Christmas.”
“All those toilet emergencies sound suspicious to me.” This from Lovie, who not only laughs first at a good joke but is usually the one telling it. “I think that crazy old lady was serving tainted cookies.”
“Holy cow, Lovie. Opal Stokes is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. She adored Elvis.” Liking dogs is a sign of good character. My human mom knows this.
“You thought that about Beulah Jane Ball, too, and she was going around the Elvis Festival knocking off Elvises.”
“Could there be a tad of professional jealousy talking?”
“Professional jealousy, my foot.” Only Lovie didn’t say “foot.” She used a word that would curdle eggnog. If Charlie were here, he’d say, “Now, now dear hearts.”
Fortunately, my human daddy is getting ready to step into the Valentine godfather’s big shoes. I can smell his intent a mile away.
“Why don’t you two go into the den and turn on the six o’clock news while I make a big pot of my famous hot chocolate?”
“Should I be jealous of your cooking skills, Jack?” Lovie’s laughing when she says this, so I know there’s “Peace in the Valley” once more. Not that there was ever any danger of a real rift between Callie and Lovie. The cousins are a team, and lord help the man who tries to come between them.
“Lovie, you make me a big pot of your chicken and dumplings and I’ll share my Mayan chocolate recipe.”
“Done.”
Lovie and Callie link arms and head to the den, but I stay behind in the kitchen. Listen, this is the place that smells the most like Christmas—the cinnamon Jack puts in the hot chocolate, the fragrant pine and holly berries Callie arranged in earthenware jars, the bayberry candles in the center of the table. With all this cheer in the air, Jack is sure to sneak me a little treat.
Chapter 5
Bad News, Big Surprise, and Deck the Mall with Christmas Corpses
B y the time the evening TV news anchor Cody Lacey comes on, Jack is in the den with a tray, holding a pot of steaming hot chocolate that smells like heaven, a rawhide bone for Elvis, and my pottery Christmas cups that feature a snow scene with cedar trees and red birds. The cups are from a set of holiday dishes Jack bought for me our first Christmas together. I thought it meant he was building a future with me. Turns out he only got them because he knows I love pretty dishes.
It also turns out I don’t have time to dwell on the cups because a more pressing matter is at hand. Pressing being the operative word. Jack
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