me, the house had
seemed warm and alive with activity. Now that it was just Kellan,
the house seemed a little quiet. As Kellan cracked his door, I
thought maybe that was the real reason for his smile. Kellan
preferred a bustling house. I’d gleaned that out of him when I’d
asked him if he’d rent out his room again.
With a slight frown, he’d told me, “I’ve thought about it. But I
don’t know…it feels like yours, and I don’t want to give it to
someone else.” Those words had warmed me considerably, but when I’d
asked him if he needed the rent money, he’d only shrugged and said,
“No, renting out the room was never about money.” Sighing, he’d
added, “I just don’t like being there alone.”
God, sometimes he just broke my heart.
Stepping into the entryway, my eyes drifted around the familiar
space. It was sort of a double-edged sword for me. I loved being
here with Kellan. I loved the memories of cuddling with him on the
couch and making love to him in his room, but…Denny was here,
too.
His ghost seemed to linger in the spaces he’d been. Leaning
against the kitchen counter drinking a mug of tea. Lying back on
the couch, watching sports on TV. Showering in the bathroom,
sometimes with me. And our room, the first room we’d ever shared as
a couple, was the room that Kellan refused to rent out again. The
ghosts were heaviest in there. So heavy, that I refused to go in
there. I couldn’t even look at the door. As it was closed when
Kellan and I walked into his bedroom, I thought that Kellan
probably didn’t go in there either. Like I said, double-edged
sword.
Propping his guitar case in the corner of his room, finally
having taken it out of his car from playing at Bumbershoot, Kellan
watched me as I sat on his bed. With soft eyes, his vision flicked
to the closed door across the very short hall upstairs. “You
alright?”
Throwing on my brightest smile, I leaned back on my elbows.
Kellan’s face brightened considerably. “Of course, I’m fine.” That
was mainly true. I was fine. I’d let Denny go and I’d slowly begun
to forgive myself for cheating on him. But being here was difficult
for me sometimes and Kellan knew it. I think that was the real
reason he didn’t pressure me more to move in with him. I just
wasn’t ready to deal with the ghosts every day.
Sitting down beside me, he laid a palm on my thigh; it ignited
me instantly. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.
Sitting up, I laced my arms around his neck. “I had no choice.
You wouldn’t let me drive your car, remember?”
He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. Lightly laughing myself, I
threaded my fingers back through his shaggy hair and laid back on
his pillows, bringing him with me.
He was instantly engaged, hands running over my body, his own
body sneaking into position alongside mine. As I thought of
all of the women who’d wanted him this weekend, women who he’d only
briefly flirted with, or politely acknowledged, or in some cases
completely ignored, my heart swelled. He didn’t want them. He
wanted me. He loved me. And God, how I loved him, too.
Chapter 3 Distractions
Kellan’s room was still dark when my eyes peeled open. Moonlight
filtered in through his window, highlighting the objects that he’d
collected over his life. There wasn’t much—some paperbacks on his
bookshelf, a few CDs scattered along the top of it, the Ramones
poster I’d picked up for him last summer while out shopping with
Jenny. Besides some pocket change and a couple of well-used
notebooks, the only thing on his dresser was a bottle of some sort
of hair product. Kellan said that a woman from high school had
turned him on to the stuff and he’d been using it ever since to
“manage the mess.” I was fairly certain from the slight smile on
his face when he’d said it, that he literally meant the words
“woman” and “turned on.” His high school years scared me a
seemed warm and alive with activity. Now that it was just Kellan,
the house seemed a little quiet. As Kellan cracked his door, I
thought maybe that was the real reason for his smile. Kellan
preferred a bustling house. I’d gleaned that out of him when I’d
asked him if he’d rent out his room again.
With a slight frown, he’d told me, “I’ve thought about it. But I
don’t know…it feels like yours, and I don’t want to give it to
someone else.” Those words had warmed me considerably, but when I’d
asked him if he needed the rent money, he’d only shrugged and said,
“No, renting out the room was never about money.” Sighing, he’d
added, “I just don’t like being there alone.”
God, sometimes he just broke my heart.
Stepping into the entryway, my eyes drifted around the familiar
space. It was sort of a double-edged sword for me. I loved being
here with Kellan. I loved the memories of cuddling with him on the
couch and making love to him in his room, but…Denny was here,
too.
His ghost seemed to linger in the spaces he’d been. Leaning
against the kitchen counter drinking a mug of tea. Lying back on
the couch, watching sports on TV. Showering in the bathroom,
sometimes with me. And our room, the first room we’d ever shared as
a couple, was the room that Kellan refused to rent out again. The
ghosts were heaviest in there. So heavy, that I refused to go in
there. I couldn’t even look at the door. As it was closed when
Kellan and I walked into his bedroom, I thought that Kellan
probably didn’t go in there either. Like I said, double-edged
sword.
Propping his guitar case in the corner of his room, finally
having taken it out of his car from playing at Bumbershoot, Kellan
watched me as I sat on his bed. With soft eyes, his vision flicked
to the closed door across the very short hall upstairs. “You
alright?”
Throwing on my brightest smile, I leaned back on my elbows.
Kellan’s face brightened considerably. “Of course, I’m fine.” That
was mainly true. I was fine. I’d let Denny go and I’d slowly begun
to forgive myself for cheating on him. But being here was difficult
for me sometimes and Kellan knew it. I think that was the real
reason he didn’t pressure me more to move in with him. I just
wasn’t ready to deal with the ghosts every day.
Sitting down beside me, he laid a palm on my thigh; it ignited
me instantly. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.
Sitting up, I laced my arms around his neck. “I had no choice.
You wouldn’t let me drive your car, remember?”
He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. Lightly laughing myself, I
threaded my fingers back through his shaggy hair and laid back on
his pillows, bringing him with me.
He was instantly engaged, hands running over my body, his own
body sneaking into position alongside mine. As I thought of
all of the women who’d wanted him this weekend, women who he’d only
briefly flirted with, or politely acknowledged, or in some cases
completely ignored, my heart swelled. He didn’t want them. He
wanted me. He loved me. And God, how I loved him, too.
Chapter 3 Distractions
Kellan’s room was still dark when my eyes peeled open. Moonlight
filtered in through his window, highlighting the objects that he’d
collected over his life. There wasn’t much—some paperbacks on his
bookshelf, a few CDs scattered along the top of it, the Ramones
poster I’d picked up for him last summer while out shopping with
Jenny. Besides some pocket change and a couple of well-used
notebooks, the only thing on his dresser was a bottle of some sort
of hair product. Kellan said that a woman from high school had
turned him on to the stuff and he’d been using it ever since to
“manage the mess.” I was fairly certain from the slight smile on
his face when he’d said it, that he literally meant the words
“woman” and “turned on.” His high school years scared me a
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