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Authors: Anita Moorjani
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what the cancer was doing to her body—as well as the effects of the treatment. I felt vulnerable at the thought that the same fate was possibly in store for me, and it was all just too much handle.
T HE DAY I GOT A CALL FROM S ONI’S SISTER TELLING ME that my best friend’s battle was over, I broke down and wept. She’d finally left us.
Although I was overcome with emotion and ached at the thought that she was gone, a small part of me was relieved that she was no longer in pain.
The day of Soni’s funeral will be etched in my memory forever. I still can see the look of devastation on the faces of her parents at losing their beloved daughter; the shock of her younger sister and older brother at losing their dear sibling; the grief and helplessness on her husband’s face as he was coming to terms with his loss. But most of all, I’ll never forget the tearstained, innocent faces of her little children and their look of horror as they watched their mother’s coffin being thrown into the fires of the crematorium. That memory will haunt me until the end of my days. And that was the day that anger was added into the mix of my spectrum of emotions toward my plight.
And to make matters worse, it wasn’t long after the funeral that we received the call telling us that Danny’s brother-in-law had lost his battle as well. He, too, left behind a young spouse (Danny’s younger sister) and two small children.
I was angry at the cruel joke we call life. I couldn’t understand what it was all for. It seemed as though we lived for a few years; we learned from our struggles; and finally, when we got the hang of things, we ended up thrown on a fire in a wooden box. Surely it wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. It all seemed so meaningless, somehow—so pointless.
CHAPTER 6
Seeking Salvation
Anger.
Dread.
Frustration.
Fear.
Desperation.
That was the spectrum of emotions that I dealt with following Soni’s death. From morning to night, each day was an intense roller-coaster ride as I questioned, challenged, raged, and despaired over my situation. I felt these emotions not only for myself, but also for my family. I dreaded the thought of them having to deal with my death.
My fear and desperation continued to drive me to research everything I could about holistic health and well-being, including Eastern healing systems. I was seeing several specialists in natural disciplines, and I also participated in different types of healing modalities. I tried hypnotherapy, meditated, prayed, chanted mantras, and took Chinese herbal remedies. Finally, I quit my freelance work and traveled to India to follow the healing system of ayurveda, while Danny stayed in Hong Kong. He couldn’t come with me because of his job, but he visited me twice, for two weeks each time. We also spoke on the phone almost every day because he wanted to be kept informed of how I was doing.
I went to the town of Pune, where my father had passed away, to learn more about yoga and ayurveda from one of the masters. I spent a total of six months in India, and during that time, I finally felt as though I were regaining my health. My yoga master put me through a grueling regimen. I had to follow a very specific diet of vegetarian food and herbal remedies, along with a routine of yoga asanas (poses) at sunrise and sunset.
I did this for months and actually started to feel much better. He was an amazing guru, who didn’t even believe that I had cancer. I told him that the medical doctors had conducted tests and confirmed I had lymphoma, to which he said, “ Cancer is just a word that creates fear. Forget about that word, and let’s just focus on balancing your body. All illnesses are just symptoms of imbalance. No illness can remain when your entire system is in balance.”
I really enjoyed my time under my yoga master’s tutelage, and he helped alleviate my fears around cancer. At the end of six months, he was convinced that I was healed—and
T HE DAY I GOT A CALL FROM S ONI’S SISTER TELLING ME that my best friend’s battle was over, I broke down and wept. She’d finally left us.
Although I was overcome with emotion and ached at the thought that she was gone, a small part of me was relieved that she was no longer in pain.
The day of Soni’s funeral will be etched in my memory forever. I still can see the look of devastation on the faces of her parents at losing their beloved daughter; the shock of her younger sister and older brother at losing their dear sibling; the grief and helplessness on her husband’s face as he was coming to terms with his loss. But most of all, I’ll never forget the tearstained, innocent faces of her little children and their look of horror as they watched their mother’s coffin being thrown into the fires of the crematorium. That memory will haunt me until the end of my days. And that was the day that anger was added into the mix of my spectrum of emotions toward my plight.
And to make matters worse, it wasn’t long after the funeral that we received the call telling us that Danny’s brother-in-law had lost his battle as well. He, too, left behind a young spouse (Danny’s younger sister) and two small children.
I was angry at the cruel joke we call life. I couldn’t understand what it was all for. It seemed as though we lived for a few years; we learned from our struggles; and finally, when we got the hang of things, we ended up thrown on a fire in a wooden box. Surely it wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. It all seemed so meaningless, somehow—so pointless.
CHAPTER 6
Seeking Salvation
Anger.
Dread.
Frustration.
Fear.
Desperation.
That was the spectrum of emotions that I dealt with following Soni’s death. From morning to night, each day was an intense roller-coaster ride as I questioned, challenged, raged, and despaired over my situation. I felt these emotions not only for myself, but also for my family. I dreaded the thought of them having to deal with my death.
My fear and desperation continued to drive me to research everything I could about holistic health and well-being, including Eastern healing systems. I was seeing several specialists in natural disciplines, and I also participated in different types of healing modalities. I tried hypnotherapy, meditated, prayed, chanted mantras, and took Chinese herbal remedies. Finally, I quit my freelance work and traveled to India to follow the healing system of ayurveda, while Danny stayed in Hong Kong. He couldn’t come with me because of his job, but he visited me twice, for two weeks each time. We also spoke on the phone almost every day because he wanted to be kept informed of how I was doing.
I went to the town of Pune, where my father had passed away, to learn more about yoga and ayurveda from one of the masters. I spent a total of six months in India, and during that time, I finally felt as though I were regaining my health. My yoga master put me through a grueling regimen. I had to follow a very specific diet of vegetarian food and herbal remedies, along with a routine of yoga asanas (poses) at sunrise and sunset.
I did this for months and actually started to feel much better. He was an amazing guru, who didn’t even believe that I had cancer. I told him that the medical doctors had conducted tests and confirmed I had lymphoma, to which he said, “ Cancer is just a word that creates fear. Forget about that word, and let’s just focus on balancing your body. All illnesses are just symptoms of imbalance. No illness can remain when your entire system is in balance.”
I really enjoyed my time under my yoga master’s tutelage, and he helped alleviate my fears around cancer. At the end of six months, he was convinced that I was healed—and
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