Read Online Dreaming a Reality by Lisa M. Cronkhite - Free Book Online

it would be an hour and a half before my name was called.
    I waited another twenty minutes or so for the doctor to finally walk in. My first thought was whether to say something about my meds. I attributed every bad thing happening to that, when I knew, in my heart, it wasn’t—it was me.
    “Hello, Katherine, how are you today?” Dr. Sandue asked. He was an Arabian man with curly gray hair and glasses, and he stood only five feet five inches or so. He was subdued and softly spoken. I didn’t know why I was always nervous seeing him as he was a kind-natured soul and never criticized me for anything, yet I worried about being judged by him. After all, he was my doctor and knew everything regardless.
    “I’m feeling a little on edge, Doctor.”
    “Tell me more, Katherine.” Even though my nickname was Kat, he never called me that. He always pronounced my full name.
    The palms of my hands began to sweat inside my clenched fists.
    “You haven’t been keeping up on your regular appointments, Katherine. I wondered how you were doing. It’s lovely to see you again.”
    Dr. Sandue never pressured me to make my appointments, but always implied to stay on track. It was important I followed a regular routine.
    I took a deep breath and laid it all out on the table, pouring out my feelings about my symptoms, and the side effects I had been experiencing. All the while, in the back of my mind, I debated telling him about Dean.
    I shifted from one thing to the next. “I’m having these awful dreams, Doctor, and I’m not getting much sleep either. There are things, so many things, on my mind.”
    The doctor didn’t say anything, he just let me continue.
    “I’m not taking my medication as prescribed.” That’s where he stopped me.
    “Katherine, you know it’s most important to stay on your meds on a daily basis. You have to allow them to work correctly. They will have poor effect if not taken as prescribed.”
    “I know. It’s just the side effects, Doc, and my headaches are getting worse. I have a lot on my mind, all the time. My thoughts keep spinning.”
    “Tell me more of what’s going on, Katherine,” he said, shifting in his seat and then writing something down in my file.
    “Well, I haven’t been super-out-of-control with my emotions. I’ve had bouts of crying periods, though. John is getting married again.” I looked out the window and could feel the tears welling up again, but held them back, trying to focus on the visit. After a moment or so had passed, I looked back at the doctor and continued. “I just can’t see them together.” I told him about my mom too. “I’ve been so worried. I tried calling, but she hasn’t responded. Not one call back. I can understand why she is ignoring me, Doctor. She’s sick—cancer.”
    “Oh, Katherine, I am very sorry to hear that. Perhaps she isn’t calling because she doesn’t want to burden you. She knows you have an illness of your own. Please try to concentrate on that.”
    “Something else is bothering me too, Doctor.”
    “What is it, Katherine?”
    “Well, there’s this guy. I met him online.”
    I began to tell the doctor what happened and explained about Dean’s visit. Although I left out how forceful he was, I inferred it. It was hard to talk about, and I felt myself begin to shake. I remembered Dean’s last words to me: “This isn’t over.”
    “Katherine, listen to me. You need to take your medication properly, and you must stay away from potentially dangerous people. You are like a vulnerable flower; you will wilt if someone doesn’t pay attention to you. You can’t let people like that enter into your life. Have you notified the police?”
    “No.” I stumbled on the word.
    “I suggest you do so, Katherine. Protect yourself.” Dr. Sandue scribbled on his notepad and ripped off the small note of prescriptions. “I am going to prescribe something new for you. The reason I prescribe the meds a certain way is for you to get better.