his shirt and jeans on the tracks. Hips sway from side to
side as he climbs. Pale undershorts shine.
“What
did you think about that?” Burke asked, water beaded on his shoulders.
He
expects Nathan to answer. Nathan swallows. “It's pretty high.”
Burke
snorts. “It's high all right. I bet you won't do it” “I bet I
won't either.”
For a
portion of the trestle's passage over the river, the rails and ties run on a
gravel embankment and gray gravel fills the spaces between the ties. Over the
center of the span, however, the rail is supported on beams of steel, and
between the cross ties is air. Nathan steps onto these cross ties, where Burke
and Randy wait. The feeling of falling is already in Nathan's gut, as if he
were plunging toward the river. He can see the dark river surface far below the
ties. Trying to show as little of his fear as possible, he steps bravely,
glancing down only at moments when he cannot control his panic.
“I'm
with you, Nathan, I ain't jumping off the top part either,” Randy says.
His skin is colored like sand and freckles trace the curves of his nose and
strong cheeks. Randy is plump, with a roll of white fat at his midsection. He
towels Burke's back dry. “I got no need to break my neck.”
“Well,
I do,” calls Roy from above, and Nathan stares upward dizzily, wishing for
something to hold.
Roy
steps forward into space, kicking his legs as if to keep his upright stance
through the air; he falls into the river, fast as that. Surfacing, he flings water
from his hair and laughs, looking up at Nathan.
At the
same moment Burke steps toward Nathan and grips Nathan's shoulders in his
hands. On Burke's face is a wicked grin, and at the center of his eyes is a
blade of ice that frightens Nathan, even the first time he sees it. He grips
Nathan's shoulders so tight they hurt. “Hey Nathan, we're glad you came
out here to the river.”
“Let
him alone, Burke,” Roy calls from the river. He has begun a slow swim to
shore. “He can't swim.”
“Well
maybe he'll learn if I throw him in right now”
“Don't
bother him, Burke. I mean it.”
“I
ain't bothering him. Am I, Nathan? Huh? Say something.”
He
shakes Nathan violently. The hands on Nathan's shoulders burn as Burke lifts
Nathan from the trestle and suspends him over the water. Nathan fights panic,
holds perfectly still in Burke's grip. Strong fingers gouge his arms. From the
center of the trestle Randy stops moving and watches. Burke grins and shakes
Nathan again, more gently. “Are you man enough to jump from here? Or do
you want me to throw you?”
“I
don't want you to throw me.”
“Then
you going to jump?”
Nathan
holds perfectly still and looks Burke directly in the eye. The act of assertion
calms him. He is strangely peaceful and feels no fear, even at the prospect of
the fall. Something meets between them. He focuses on Burke's arms and
shivering chest. Burke is big for his age, and his stomach is ridged and hairy.
A feeling of harsh strength pours out of him, different from Roy Nathan looks
into this, into Burke's face, and says, “I want you to put me down.”
Burke
laughs and seems perplexed. Roy stands on the riverbank, watching. Burke
releases Nathan. He backs away, leaving Nathan at the edge of the trestle.
Nathan hovers unsteadily, glimpsing, below, his own face slipping beneath the
dark water. As if the moment has divided, as if he has both fallen and not
fallen. Shivering, he steps back to the center of the trestle.
Far
toward the trees in the darkness Roy climbs up the riverbank to the neat line
of cross ties. Everything dissolves into nightfall. Starlings are singing, and
frogs on trees are smelling the dusk and croaking in choirs. Roy trots down the
railroad track, stepping from tie to tie.
Burke
meets him face to face. “I didn't throw him in the river. I should
have.”
“You
better be glad you didn't.”
“Oh
hell, I'd have gone down and got him before he drownded.”
Roy
studies
side as he climbs. Pale undershorts shine.
“What
did you think about that?” Burke asked, water beaded on his shoulders.
He
expects Nathan to answer. Nathan swallows. “It's pretty high.”
Burke
snorts. “It's high all right. I bet you won't do it” “I bet I
won't either.”
For a
portion of the trestle's passage over the river, the rails and ties run on a
gravel embankment and gray gravel fills the spaces between the ties. Over the
center of the span, however, the rail is supported on beams of steel, and
between the cross ties is air. Nathan steps onto these cross ties, where Burke
and Randy wait. The feeling of falling is already in Nathan's gut, as if he
were plunging toward the river. He can see the dark river surface far below the
ties. Trying to show as little of his fear as possible, he steps bravely,
glancing down only at moments when he cannot control his panic.
“I'm
with you, Nathan, I ain't jumping off the top part either,” Randy says.
His skin is colored like sand and freckles trace the curves of his nose and
strong cheeks. Randy is plump, with a roll of white fat at his midsection. He
towels Burke's back dry. “I got no need to break my neck.”
“Well,
I do,” calls Roy from above, and Nathan stares upward dizzily, wishing for
something to hold.
Roy
steps forward into space, kicking his legs as if to keep his upright stance
through the air; he falls into the river, fast as that. Surfacing, he flings water
from his hair and laughs, looking up at Nathan.
At the
same moment Burke steps toward Nathan and grips Nathan's shoulders in his
hands. On Burke's face is a wicked grin, and at the center of his eyes is a
blade of ice that frightens Nathan, even the first time he sees it. He grips
Nathan's shoulders so tight they hurt. “Hey Nathan, we're glad you came
out here to the river.”
“Let
him alone, Burke,” Roy calls from the river. He has begun a slow swim to
shore. “He can't swim.”
“Well
maybe he'll learn if I throw him in right now”
“Don't
bother him, Burke. I mean it.”
“I
ain't bothering him. Am I, Nathan? Huh? Say something.”
He
shakes Nathan violently. The hands on Nathan's shoulders burn as Burke lifts
Nathan from the trestle and suspends him over the water. Nathan fights panic,
holds perfectly still in Burke's grip. Strong fingers gouge his arms. From the
center of the trestle Randy stops moving and watches. Burke grins and shakes
Nathan again, more gently. “Are you man enough to jump from here? Or do
you want me to throw you?”
“I
don't want you to throw me.”
“Then
you going to jump?”
Nathan
holds perfectly still and looks Burke directly in the eye. The act of assertion
calms him. He is strangely peaceful and feels no fear, even at the prospect of
the fall. Something meets between them. He focuses on Burke's arms and
shivering chest. Burke is big for his age, and his stomach is ridged and hairy.
A feeling of harsh strength pours out of him, different from Roy Nathan looks
into this, into Burke's face, and says, “I want you to put me down.”
Burke
laughs and seems perplexed. Roy stands on the riverbank, watching. Burke
releases Nathan. He backs away, leaving Nathan at the edge of the trestle.
Nathan hovers unsteadily, glimpsing, below, his own face slipping beneath the
dark water. As if the moment has divided, as if he has both fallen and not
fallen. Shivering, he steps back to the center of the trestle.
Far
toward the trees in the darkness Roy climbs up the riverbank to the neat line
of cross ties. Everything dissolves into nightfall. Starlings are singing, and
frogs on trees are smelling the dusk and croaking in choirs. Roy trots down the
railroad track, stepping from tie to tie.
Burke
meets him face to face. “I didn't throw him in the river. I should
have.”
“You
better be glad you didn't.”
“Oh
hell, I'd have gone down and got him before he drownded.”
Roy
studies
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