Read Online Don Quixote, Which Was a Dream by Kathy Acker - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kathy Acker
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There's nothing I can do about it. Nevertheless I'm calm, though I might end up in disaster; either there's disaster or there's happiness.
Red and navy and umber and deep purple.
Soldiers descended on the town. Red white and blue clothed soldiers lay dead on the street. Tancredi, the nephew, had just fought at Palermo against the Garibaldinists. The Prince exulted in the return of the monarchy. The priest informed him that a sexless and spineless female relative of his adored and wanted to marry Tancredi. The Prince replied he was about to marry his nephew to the mayor's daughter cause he wanted money for his family. The mayor's daughter's absolute sensuality owned him now. The Prince commenced to act:
The daughter and Tancredi physically and mentally obsessed each other. Their lips were on each others':
The Prince: I don't want you if I'm going to have to feel this pain. I don't want you, or rather I don't want these feelings of wanting you more than anything else in the world. If having these feelings which you blithely call love means most of the days I live through are spent in wanting that which can't be relieved: this is no fucking way to live and I won't stand for it.
:I have to erase you out of my life so I can keep on living. No matter how passionate no matter how perfect no matter how deep love, it fades and there's nothing. I won't stand for it.
:I've never felt anything such as this in my life. No. Those are your words. I'm too tired to speak now, my darling.
:I refuse to give up a love which I believe's good. I believe it's good because it's not linear, just an obsession; but calm,
----
rich, and many-angled. Her father visited me. The mayor's physically little and apparently a fool. Since his social idiocy masked social power allied to intelligence, I welcomed the fool.
The Prince: Since from far away, since from far away in my mind, I watch them kiss, I know I can't have her. When she kisses him, her eyes're looking at me. She has told me that she knows she owes everything to me including her marriage. I answered she owed me nothing. I loved her. She put her right hand on my cheek and with it, she kissed me. It's very easy for a woman to tell a man she loves him.
:When she tells me 'I love you', she means 'You'll never have me.'
:My cock's full for no reason at all.
:The first room in my castle: I can't talk: it hurts too much. Sexual desire dumbs. Sexual desire stops
:The second room: I've got to talk, I've got to tell you sexual desire's making the world impossible. You've a future husband to whom you're faithful. You only want me because you want a boyfriend in another country who doesn't quite want you so you're safe imagining you're running to and adoring him. Does your marriage demand this fantasy? At the same time, since you want a love strong enough to force you to break up your marriage, you're pushing for more and more emotional violence despite your wanting this person who doesn't quite love you. Such a world isn't possible.
:The third room: You don't exist: When you're with Tancredi, he owns you. He tells you which people you're going to see. He tells you how you'll be occupied during each of your waking hours. He controls the money. He allows you to fuck other men. He gives you your work.
Abandonment:
The world is memory. I don't remember anymore because I
refuse to remember anymore because all my memories hurt.
The Leopard equals these memories. I'll remember: I won't repress I won't be a zombie, despite the pain, I will have life. This's why The Leopard 's, romantic.
Band. The Mayor's Daughter: I was wearing a red velvet
----
flounced though cut to the thigh skirt black velvet cut equally close though without shoulders or neck above, tiny black suede bowed shoes, ebony-and-silver around the neck. I brought the man who was living with me who was intelligent. He was going to abandon me the next morning. I've finally learned manners. I greet my hostess innocently, slightly
Red and navy and umber and deep purple.
Soldiers descended on the town. Red white and blue clothed soldiers lay dead on the street. Tancredi, the nephew, had just fought at Palermo against the Garibaldinists. The Prince exulted in the return of the monarchy. The priest informed him that a sexless and spineless female relative of his adored and wanted to marry Tancredi. The Prince replied he was about to marry his nephew to the mayor's daughter cause he wanted money for his family. The mayor's daughter's absolute sensuality owned him now. The Prince commenced to act:
The daughter and Tancredi physically and mentally obsessed each other. Their lips were on each others':
The Prince: I don't want you if I'm going to have to feel this pain. I don't want you, or rather I don't want these feelings of wanting you more than anything else in the world. If having these feelings which you blithely call love means most of the days I live through are spent in wanting that which can't be relieved: this is no fucking way to live and I won't stand for it.
:I have to erase you out of my life so I can keep on living. No matter how passionate no matter how perfect no matter how deep love, it fades and there's nothing. I won't stand for it.
:I've never felt anything such as this in my life. No. Those are your words. I'm too tired to speak now, my darling.
:I refuse to give up a love which I believe's good. I believe it's good because it's not linear, just an obsession; but calm,
----
rich, and many-angled. Her father visited me. The mayor's physically little and apparently a fool. Since his social idiocy masked social power allied to intelligence, I welcomed the fool.
The Prince: Since from far away, since from far away in my mind, I watch them kiss, I know I can't have her. When she kisses him, her eyes're looking at me. She has told me that she knows she owes everything to me including her marriage. I answered she owed me nothing. I loved her. She put her right hand on my cheek and with it, she kissed me. It's very easy for a woman to tell a man she loves him.
:When she tells me 'I love you', she means 'You'll never have me.'
:My cock's full for no reason at all.
:The first room in my castle: I can't talk: it hurts too much. Sexual desire dumbs. Sexual desire stops
:The second room: I've got to talk, I've got to tell you sexual desire's making the world impossible. You've a future husband to whom you're faithful. You only want me because you want a boyfriend in another country who doesn't quite want you so you're safe imagining you're running to and adoring him. Does your marriage demand this fantasy? At the same time, since you want a love strong enough to force you to break up your marriage, you're pushing for more and more emotional violence despite your wanting this person who doesn't quite love you. Such a world isn't possible.
:The third room: You don't exist: When you're with Tancredi, he owns you. He tells you which people you're going to see. He tells you how you'll be occupied during each of your waking hours. He controls the money. He allows you to fuck other men. He gives you your work.
Abandonment:
The world is memory. I don't remember anymore because I
refuse to remember anymore because all my memories hurt.
The Leopard equals these memories. I'll remember: I won't repress I won't be a zombie, despite the pain, I will have life. This's why The Leopard 's, romantic.
Band. The Mayor's Daughter: I was wearing a red velvet
----
flounced though cut to the thigh skirt black velvet cut equally close though without shoulders or neck above, tiny black suede bowed shoes, ebony-and-silver around the neck. I brought the man who was living with me who was intelligent. He was going to abandon me the next morning. I've finally learned manners. I greet my hostess innocently, slightly
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