Read Online Doctor Who: Keeping Up With the Joneses by Nick Harkaway - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Nick Harkaway
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about it.’ The old puzzle?
If one man always lies and another always tells the truth…
But it was much harder if either one of them might do both.
Heidt twitched slightly. He was looking regretful, even dyspeptic. Had he eaten something that disagreed with him? Well, yes: a TARDIS. ‘That may be a problem.’
She glowered. ‘I expect we can get a taxi if your nice car is not available.’
‘No doubt you could, but my control of this situation is only temporary.’ He glanced over at the Doctor. ‘I have tried to arrange matters so that you have everything you need. But I’m afraid quite shortly my time will run out. Do not leave the house. There is nothing else on the pinnacle, and my other half has the ability to destroy the bridge at any time.’ He twitched again. ‘I must leave you. Do please feel free to look around. The library is particularly interesting. And when I return, do bear in mind what I have said.’
When it came again, the twitch was not a twitch at all, but a spasm of the body. Heidt lurched away from her, and she saw his face ripple as if he was made of water. She moved to support him, and found the Doctor’s hand on her arm.
‘Don’t.’
Heidt rolled his shoulders and twisted, and she heard things pop in his spine.
‘Thank you, Doctor. If you touch me, Christina, it may accelerate the process. The weapons system might interpret that as a physical attack.’ He coughed, hacked and groaned.
The Doctor barely glanced at her, went on. ‘You should go. Now. Walk across the bridge and don’t look back.’
‘No!’ Heidt spun in his crouch, flung out his hand. The joints were cracking and the fingers hooked and clawed at the air. ‘No, no, no! She has to stay! She has to!’ He lurched closer, his rictus face stretching towards them. ‘Damn you! I can’t say it out loud! You can’t send her away or it all comes down like wasps tearing through the web. It’s perfect now! Perfect! But if she goes then where’s the surprise? You can’t make a breakfast without mushrooms.’ He shuddered, lowered his hand. ‘Don’t make her go, Doctor. She has to be here. I have prepared… I can’t say more. I can’t. It’s happening now. I’m leaving. When I come back we’ll either all be dead or we won’t. Breakfast in the library. Perfectly all right, it’s full of spiders. Weavers, webs or woven? Perhaps it’s all the same. Go. Look. Five minutes, maybe less. Go now!’
And he stopped. Not just stopped speaking but stopped, stock still and silent, and no longer breathing. His body froze in place. She had expected some vile werewolf transformation, but this was not that. It was eerier, bleaker. He was simply absent, and his absence implied the presence, somewhere nearby, of the other.
Pah pah pom.
Well, that was not unexpected.
Pah pah pom.
Even if it was rather close at hand.
Pah pah pom.
Casual, even. Close and casual and confident. Not in a hurry. She looked out of the window, and saw the bridge in ruins, the house isolated in the middle of the pinnacle. ‘Run,’ she told the Doctor, and took his hand.
*
Christina grabbed him and said ‘run’ and then he heard it: the triple beat of the weapons system, Heidt’s other half. She was very fast, he thought. Even if she had anticipated, she was fast. He looked at her hand and saw it flicker slightly, purplish light dancing around the edges. Refraction from the glass chandelier, probably. Probably.
She was right, it was definitely time to go. This house was a puzzle, the library apparently contained the solution. But Heidt couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him what solving the puzzle would mean, so he had to work that out before he worked out what the puzzle was and how to solve it because otherwise he might be levered into defeating himself.
He looked around. There were three doors: the way they had come in, which led to the shattered bridge; a small door to the kitchens which he suspected would be downstairs, and hence, if
If one man always lies and another always tells the truth…
But it was much harder if either one of them might do both.
Heidt twitched slightly. He was looking regretful, even dyspeptic. Had he eaten something that disagreed with him? Well, yes: a TARDIS. ‘That may be a problem.’
She glowered. ‘I expect we can get a taxi if your nice car is not available.’
‘No doubt you could, but my control of this situation is only temporary.’ He glanced over at the Doctor. ‘I have tried to arrange matters so that you have everything you need. But I’m afraid quite shortly my time will run out. Do not leave the house. There is nothing else on the pinnacle, and my other half has the ability to destroy the bridge at any time.’ He twitched again. ‘I must leave you. Do please feel free to look around. The library is particularly interesting. And when I return, do bear in mind what I have said.’
When it came again, the twitch was not a twitch at all, but a spasm of the body. Heidt lurched away from her, and she saw his face ripple as if he was made of water. She moved to support him, and found the Doctor’s hand on her arm.
‘Don’t.’
Heidt rolled his shoulders and twisted, and she heard things pop in his spine.
‘Thank you, Doctor. If you touch me, Christina, it may accelerate the process. The weapons system might interpret that as a physical attack.’ He coughed, hacked and groaned.
The Doctor barely glanced at her, went on. ‘You should go. Now. Walk across the bridge and don’t look back.’
‘No!’ Heidt spun in his crouch, flung out his hand. The joints were cracking and the fingers hooked and clawed at the air. ‘No, no, no! She has to stay! She has to!’ He lurched closer, his rictus face stretching towards them. ‘Damn you! I can’t say it out loud! You can’t send her away or it all comes down like wasps tearing through the web. It’s perfect now! Perfect! But if she goes then where’s the surprise? You can’t make a breakfast without mushrooms.’ He shuddered, lowered his hand. ‘Don’t make her go, Doctor. She has to be here. I have prepared… I can’t say more. I can’t. It’s happening now. I’m leaving. When I come back we’ll either all be dead or we won’t. Breakfast in the library. Perfectly all right, it’s full of spiders. Weavers, webs or woven? Perhaps it’s all the same. Go. Look. Five minutes, maybe less. Go now!’
And he stopped. Not just stopped speaking but stopped, stock still and silent, and no longer breathing. His body froze in place. She had expected some vile werewolf transformation, but this was not that. It was eerier, bleaker. He was simply absent, and his absence implied the presence, somewhere nearby, of the other.
Pah pah pom.
Well, that was not unexpected.
Pah pah pom.
Even if it was rather close at hand.
Pah pah pom.
Casual, even. Close and casual and confident. Not in a hurry. She looked out of the window, and saw the bridge in ruins, the house isolated in the middle of the pinnacle. ‘Run,’ she told the Doctor, and took his hand.
*
Christina grabbed him and said ‘run’ and then he heard it: the triple beat of the weapons system, Heidt’s other half. She was very fast, he thought. Even if she had anticipated, she was fast. He looked at her hand and saw it flicker slightly, purplish light dancing around the edges. Refraction from the glass chandelier, probably. Probably.
She was right, it was definitely time to go. This house was a puzzle, the library apparently contained the solution. But Heidt couldn’t or wouldn’t tell him what solving the puzzle would mean, so he had to work that out before he worked out what the puzzle was and how to solve it because otherwise he might be levered into defeating himself.
He looked around. There were three doors: the way they had come in, which led to the shattered bridge; a small door to the kitchens which he suspected would be downstairs, and hence, if
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