Read Online DISOWNED by Gabriella Murray - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Gabriella Murray
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father's eyes. He sees his father, sitting and learning Torah all day long. He sees the men he knows at work, downtown. Men who love natural women. Then he sees the Rabbis on these blocks, running back and forth to synagogue praying and learning about a world he despises, that has no room in it for the likes of him.
"I will always despise them."
"They are men of learning."
"And what good does all their learning do? What difference does it make? They're not kind, Bekkie. Not to me."
And then, from nowhere, in front of her eyes, he breaks down sobbing like a lost little child.
Rivkah flinches and reaches out to hold him. She wants so much to hold him and comfort him, but then she realizes in a flashing moment, she can't do it. She has her period. It is forbidden for her to touch a man!
"Daddy, forgive me, I love you."
He reaches for her, and she gives him her hand. Then just as quickly she pulls it back.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I can't touch you, daddy! I'm Niddah. It's not allowed!"
***
"God will forgive us if we let him," Rivkah's grandmother says from out of nowhere late one chilly afternoon.
It is the middle of autumn now and the days are getting darker sooner. More and more on these late afternoons, her grandmother just sits on her wooden chair in the kitchen and talks to herself.
Rivkah is busy scraping carrots. The little orange scrapings gather in a small heap in the bowl.
"What did you say, grandma?"
"I'm not talking to you," Devorah answers, a little absent mindedly.
"Who are you talking to then?"
No answer comes.
"Who? Tell me."
"You want to know everything," her grandmother perks up for a moment. "But there are things you are not allowed to know."
Rivkah goes back to the carrots she is peeling. In a little while her grandmother starts murmuring again. Rivkah stops peeling and turns around. Devorah is staring into the distance, her lips moving silently to herself.
"Who are you talking to?"
"Everyone. The whole family. They're coming to me these days."
A shudder passes through Rivkah. "Who?"
"My mamma is coming with a beautiful dress on, just like she used to wear for Sabbath. It's ivory silk, with a lace collar."
Rivkah puts the carrot peeler down. "Your mamma has been dead a long time, grandma."
"Dead or not, still she's coming to me."
"Grandma! Go lie down!"
"Silly, you think she is dead, but what do you know? No one dies forever. It just looks that way for a little while."
"You're over tired, grandma!"
"You go back to the peeling and don't judge me."
"I'm not judging you."
"Of course you are. Go back to the peeling. Right now."
But Rivkah can't. Her hands shake as she tries to peel what is left of the bunch of fat orange carrots.
"My father is coming too," her grandmother says later on that afternoon. "He was a great scholar, Rivkah, the greatest sage in all of Vladivostok. Just look how his eyes are shining
now! He's still wearing his silk tallis. He says he never takes it off."
Rivkah's hands go limp. Where is he, she wonders? She turns quickly to see him, but is unable to. Nothing is there. Air, shadows, a little sun shining in through the kitchen curtains.
"And look at that. Aunt Yennie is with him."
"Grandma, go lie down and rest." It could be a little stroke, Rivkah thinks. Old people get sick and nobody realizes.
"Rivkah, did I ever tell you, your aunt Yennie used to love to fast. She fasted for days. It didn't bother her. Whenever she fasted she saw wonderful things. Once she told me there was a garden on the other side, filled with happiness, with gardenias and lilacs. The people of her generation were really something. Nothing like the ones of today."
"Grandma, please, go lie down!"
"You're interrupting!"
"Interrupting what?"
"Leave me be. I'm just worried."
"About what?"
"After I'm gone
"I will always despise them."
"They are men of learning."
"And what good does all their learning do? What difference does it make? They're not kind, Bekkie. Not to me."
And then, from nowhere, in front of her eyes, he breaks down sobbing like a lost little child.
Rivkah flinches and reaches out to hold him. She wants so much to hold him and comfort him, but then she realizes in a flashing moment, she can't do it. She has her period. It is forbidden for her to touch a man!
"Daddy, forgive me, I love you."
He reaches for her, and she gives him her hand. Then just as quickly she pulls it back.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I can't touch you, daddy! I'm Niddah. It's not allowed!"
***
"God will forgive us if we let him," Rivkah's grandmother says from out of nowhere late one chilly afternoon.
It is the middle of autumn now and the days are getting darker sooner. More and more on these late afternoons, her grandmother just sits on her wooden chair in the kitchen and talks to herself.
Rivkah is busy scraping carrots. The little orange scrapings gather in a small heap in the bowl.
"What did you say, grandma?"
"I'm not talking to you," Devorah answers, a little absent mindedly.
"Who are you talking to then?"
No answer comes.
"Who? Tell me."
"You want to know everything," her grandmother perks up for a moment. "But there are things you are not allowed to know."
Rivkah goes back to the carrots she is peeling. In a little while her grandmother starts murmuring again. Rivkah stops peeling and turns around. Devorah is staring into the distance, her lips moving silently to herself.
"Who are you talking to?"
"Everyone. The whole family. They're coming to me these days."
A shudder passes through Rivkah. "Who?"
"My mamma is coming with a beautiful dress on, just like she used to wear for Sabbath. It's ivory silk, with a lace collar."
Rivkah puts the carrot peeler down. "Your mamma has been dead a long time, grandma."
"Dead or not, still she's coming to me."
"Grandma! Go lie down!"
"Silly, you think she is dead, but what do you know? No one dies forever. It just looks that way for a little while."
"You're over tired, grandma!"
"You go back to the peeling and don't judge me."
"I'm not judging you."
"Of course you are. Go back to the peeling. Right now."
But Rivkah can't. Her hands shake as she tries to peel what is left of the bunch of fat orange carrots.
"My father is coming too," her grandmother says later on that afternoon. "He was a great scholar, Rivkah, the greatest sage in all of Vladivostok. Just look how his eyes are shining
now! He's still wearing his silk tallis. He says he never takes it off."
Rivkah's hands go limp. Where is he, she wonders? She turns quickly to see him, but is unable to. Nothing is there. Air, shadows, a little sun shining in through the kitchen curtains.
"And look at that. Aunt Yennie is with him."
"Grandma, go lie down and rest." It could be a little stroke, Rivkah thinks. Old people get sick and nobody realizes.
"Rivkah, did I ever tell you, your aunt Yennie used to love to fast. She fasted for days. It didn't bother her. Whenever she fasted she saw wonderful things. Once she told me there was a garden on the other side, filled with happiness, with gardenias and lilacs. The people of her generation were really something. Nothing like the ones of today."
"Grandma, please, go lie down!"
"You're interrupting!"
"Interrupting what?"
"Leave me be. I'm just worried."
"About what?"
"After I'm gone
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