terminate its life?
March 9, 1991
Dear Janice
,
T he wedding is really coming up quickly. I had no idea so much money was needed for one wedding. The cake alone costs a fortune. There’s so much to be done, but I know with both families working at it, it’ll get pulled off.
I’ve been picturing how it’s going to be. More like fantasizing, actually. My friends all want invitations. I want them to go but it’s not up to me. Courtney and Michelle don’t want it too overcrowded. To me, the more the better. I hope it won’t be like the weddings on t.v. I don’t want a stuck up kind of thing. I want everyone to get down and have fun. I want Jamaican music blasting at the reception and a lot of dancing and noise.
March 11, 1991
Dear Janice
,
I ’m such a klutz! In gym class I can hardly do anything. I hate playing any sports except basketball. I admit I’ve become a lot more open to sports since I started this school but that doesn’t mean I can play them.
Today I was playing baseball not because I wanted to but because the teacher made me. I got a good chance to out the other team by catching the ball, but when it came to me, I dropped it. This girl started saying, “You’re so stupid,” and all this other crap. I swear at that moment there was almost smoke coming out of my ears. She’s a real little … (I won’t say). I really feel like ringing her neck until she’s drenched of all life.
Anyways, on a happier note, Mr. Pelka is doing much better—remember, I told you he had pneumonia? My cousin Larry is also recovered. There’s one thing I don’t have to worry about anymore!
March 13, 1991
Dear Janice
,
K irk, whom I have an extreme crush on had his arm around me today. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It took me by surprise. I was walking and he just came up beside me and put his arm around me. I didn’t know what to say or do. He said, “Hug me back.” I was dumbstruck so I just did it kind of unconsciously. He said, “Tighter” (my heart was running a marathon by now). Anyway, I did. After that he just went off somewhere. I still can’t believe it. One thing I know is I want this to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He’s really nice, and so cute! Derek is really close to me though. We talk for hours on the phone and everything but he never made my heart run a marathon. There’s a difference there but I don’t know which I prefer.
March 15, 1991
Dear Janice
,
K irk pretty much ignored me today. I guess it was a one moment fling. Oh well, that’s life. Actually I hate life, if this is what it’s supposed to be—disappointments all the time and let downs. Kirk isn’t really that important, I justhave a crush on him. I’m not going to cry over any guy at anytime—maybe my husband, when I get married. For now, boys are the last thing I want to cry about.
Anyway, maybe Kirk was just too preoccupied today to look my way. You never know.
March 18, 1991
Dear Janice
,
K irk said hi today that’s about it. I love the way he walks. I don’t know how to describe it. I could just sit back and watch him walk and I wouldn’t get bored. I guess that’s really silly, but hey, what can I say?
We’re learning about the reproductive system in school. The guys in my class act so silly about it. They are so immature. Sometimes I wonder about what goes on in their minds. They are just so predictable. Kirk is older so I guess that’s one of the things I like about him. I don’t usually get crushes on guys my age. I could see myself at 21 marrying a man who’s 35.
March 20, 1991
Dear Janice
,
T here is this really playful and pretty girl or should I say woman I know named Laura. I would love to get her into my family. There’s something about her that I really like. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately—she visits sometimes—she’s helping me prepare this diary for when it gets published. Anyways, I know in a while we won’t be seeing each other, so I was
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