radio—“
“And the afghan across the street,” I interrupted.
They gave me a puzzled look.
“Long story. Really?”
Ness stamped her foot and fisted her hands on her hips. “Okay, fine, it’s not ideal, but you had no problems with a trip to the magical kingdom when I planned your big send off.”
“That was before I was dumped and had my heart broken into a thousand pieces! If Disney taught me anything, it was that fairy tales, princes, and happily ever after were a way of life! I was cheated and lied to by them and Brad! There’s no frog ready to be a prince, just toads who like a good licking. No wonderful fairy to make my dreams come true, just old women with cafes who make addictive cream cakes and treats for the depressed. And I imagine Pinocchio makes a great living as the biggest, lying, oral sexpert in the world! I’ll pass.”
Dana cringed. “Well, I’ll never read that story in the same way again …”
Vanessa scowled at me. “This wallowing has gone on long enough. I bit my tongue when you holed yourself up in this pit and decided to eat your weight in chocolate, and I even kept my mouth shut when you declined an invite to my amazing New Year’s Eve party so that you could spend it with your cat! But this, Charlene, is the last straw. Now, get your arse in that bedroom and pack a case or else I’ll drag you to Paris in that robe and force you to buy your entire vacation wardrobe! Got it?”
Wide-eyed and feeling like a scolded child, I nodded and shuffled down the hall to my room. Opening the wardrobe, I rolled my eyes at the section I had affectionately called the honeymooner’s outfits . It was mostly kaftans, swimsuits, and lingerie, but now it all looked repulsive. Closing it quickly, I opened the fat girl wardrobe and began flinging frumpy and unflattering outfits into my case. I had no idea what I actually packed as I had been so upset at having to actually wear them, that I simply couldn’t bear to look. I threw on some jeans and a sweater before heading out the door.
Dragging the case behind me, I trudged back in to the living room. Jacob had, as usual, snuggled down next to Adam and was giving him pleading looks for some affection. Adam wasn’t really a cat person, but he and Jacob had an understanding. They’d reached this after I had gone out of town for a few days on business. Adam had promised to take care of Jacob for me and make sure the little guy was fed every day. I was relieved to find someone so willing considering Jacob’s temperament and downright disrespectful attitude toward anyone but me. I’d only been gone two days when Adam let himself in to the apartment and as he had done before, h e laid food out and called for my bad tempered kitty. He knew Jacob must have been eating as the dish was always empty, but he hadn’t yet seen him. Anyway, he was just about to leave when a blood-curdling scream echoed through the apartment. Naturally, Adam searched the entire place but found absolutely nothing. It wasn’t until he sat down on the sofa to calm his nerves that he discovered where the noise had come from.
Sitting at Adam’s feet, looking smug and extremely pleased with himself was Jacob. And in Jacobs’s mouth was an enormous toad. The poor thing was screeching for its life and as Adam pulled it from Jacobs’s mouth, the cat then decided to try and climb his leg to retrieve his prize. In the craziness, Adam dropped the toad, and it scrambled beneath the sofa. So there they were—the toad, hiding under the settee, and Adam holding up said sofa with one hand and trying desperately to hold Jacob back from it. He managed to save the poor thing but not before enduring a scratching session from Jacob. What Adam described next was something akin to a Mexican standoff: Jacob on one side of the room, and Adam on the other, with the toad in the centre of this showdown. It was cat reflexes versus Doctor Dolittle. Leaping on the creature, Adam scooped the toad up in
“And the afghan across the street,” I interrupted.
They gave me a puzzled look.
“Long story. Really?”
Ness stamped her foot and fisted her hands on her hips. “Okay, fine, it’s not ideal, but you had no problems with a trip to the magical kingdom when I planned your big send off.”
“That was before I was dumped and had my heart broken into a thousand pieces! If Disney taught me anything, it was that fairy tales, princes, and happily ever after were a way of life! I was cheated and lied to by them and Brad! There’s no frog ready to be a prince, just toads who like a good licking. No wonderful fairy to make my dreams come true, just old women with cafes who make addictive cream cakes and treats for the depressed. And I imagine Pinocchio makes a great living as the biggest, lying, oral sexpert in the world! I’ll pass.”
Dana cringed. “Well, I’ll never read that story in the same way again …”
Vanessa scowled at me. “This wallowing has gone on long enough. I bit my tongue when you holed yourself up in this pit and decided to eat your weight in chocolate, and I even kept my mouth shut when you declined an invite to my amazing New Year’s Eve party so that you could spend it with your cat! But this, Charlene, is the last straw. Now, get your arse in that bedroom and pack a case or else I’ll drag you to Paris in that robe and force you to buy your entire vacation wardrobe! Got it?”
Wide-eyed and feeling like a scolded child, I nodded and shuffled down the hall to my room. Opening the wardrobe, I rolled my eyes at the section I had affectionately called the honeymooner’s outfits . It was mostly kaftans, swimsuits, and lingerie, but now it all looked repulsive. Closing it quickly, I opened the fat girl wardrobe and began flinging frumpy and unflattering outfits into my case. I had no idea what I actually packed as I had been so upset at having to actually wear them, that I simply couldn’t bear to look. I threw on some jeans and a sweater before heading out the door.
Dragging the case behind me, I trudged back in to the living room. Jacob had, as usual, snuggled down next to Adam and was giving him pleading looks for some affection. Adam wasn’t really a cat person, but he and Jacob had an understanding. They’d reached this after I had gone out of town for a few days on business. Adam had promised to take care of Jacob for me and make sure the little guy was fed every day. I was relieved to find someone so willing considering Jacob’s temperament and downright disrespectful attitude toward anyone but me. I’d only been gone two days when Adam let himself in to the apartment and as he had done before, h e laid food out and called for my bad tempered kitty. He knew Jacob must have been eating as the dish was always empty, but he hadn’t yet seen him. Anyway, he was just about to leave when a blood-curdling scream echoed through the apartment. Naturally, Adam searched the entire place but found absolutely nothing. It wasn’t until he sat down on the sofa to calm his nerves that he discovered where the noise had come from.
Sitting at Adam’s feet, looking smug and extremely pleased with himself was Jacob. And in Jacobs’s mouth was an enormous toad. The poor thing was screeching for its life and as Adam pulled it from Jacobs’s mouth, the cat then decided to try and climb his leg to retrieve his prize. In the craziness, Adam dropped the toad, and it scrambled beneath the sofa. So there they were—the toad, hiding under the settee, and Adam holding up said sofa with one hand and trying desperately to hold Jacob back from it. He managed to save the poor thing but not before enduring a scratching session from Jacob. What Adam described next was something akin to a Mexican standoff: Jacob on one side of the room, and Adam on the other, with the toad in the centre of this showdown. It was cat reflexes versus Doctor Dolittle. Leaping on the creature, Adam scooped the toad up in
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