I can’t let that happen. I can’t allow myself to have feelings again.
“I won’t ruin everything I’ve planned just to cry!” I can feel myself building up that old rage inside of me. That’s what I need right now.
“You don’t have to look at it that way. Crying gives you a new found strength. Come sit with me. I want to tell you something.” His face has grown serious now. He isn’t playing games, and I know whatever he’s about to say is serious.
Pulling me down on the small couch next to him, he looks me in the eyes.
“When I was overseas, I saw so many things. So many lives taken. We were on a mission in the desert. My friend, Brody, was with me. He was all I had over there. We went into this little shack looking for signs of the enemy when we came upon a few small boys.” A tear slides down Drew’s cheek before he quickly wipes it away.
Before I can move or say a word he talks again.
“Brody told me something wasn’t right. I didn’t listen to him though. He felt it, but I didn’t fucking listen. One of those kids snuck up behind him before we knew what was going on. He stabbed Brody in the neck. He bled out right there in front of me. He was so young.” Grabbing his hand, I pull it into my lap unsure as to what to say.
“What happened to the boys?” His eyes look lost as he looks over at me.
“I killed them. I shot them to death. My heart died in that moment. All I saw was blood. They couldn’t have been more than ten years old. Those demons are what haunt me day and night.” Grabbing him around the neck, I pull him against me. I never thought I would see him so lost.
Drew pushes me away from him before he stands. The way he tries to fight what’s going on inside of him, tugs at something inside of me.
“Don’t feel sorry for me! I can see it in your eyes. Do you think I’m sorry for what I did?” The rage that bubbles up does little to scare me. I’ve felt that same rage within myself.
I always thought that Drew was the stronger of the two of us, but I’m starting to see just how equal we are.
“They would have killed you, too. I’m so sorry, Drew.” Kissing his cheek, he pulls my body closer relentlessly giving in to me.
“Deep down, I know what the outcome would have been but that does little to ease the pain. I know you did what you had to do, too. The point is, that I’ve hardened myself to everything around me. I’ve made it so hard to let anyone be close to me. I don’t want anyone knowing me, Han.”
Chapter 31
Jumping out of his grasp, how does he know that?
I stand and pace the room before he does the same.
“I knew you would look at me differently!” Drew growls before he grabs my arm.
“What are you talking about? How do you know what I did?” Screaming back at him, I yank my arm away.
“What? What are you talking about?” Looking confused, we both look at each other.
“How did you know that I killed her?” Screaming louder, he grabs my shoulders.
“Killed who? I didn’t know you killed anyone! Who did you kill?” Shaking my head, I have to back away.
I just admitted it, out loud. I don’t know what to do now. Oh God. I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I just told him that I killed someone.
Turning toward the door, I start to make a break for it.
“Don’t you dare! I just told you what I’ve done!” Dropping my head, I look at the floor. His reality and mine are far different.
“I don’t care what you did, Hannah.” His hand comes down on my shoulder before I lose it.
The sobs choke me before Drew pulls me into his chest.
“Who was she?” Sniffing, I try to regain my composure. I take a deep breath; I turn in his arms.
“I was fourteen when I was raped and beaten. I was a virgin before that. She helped them. She held me down while they did things to me. They were older than I was, and I thought we were friends. I
“I won’t ruin everything I’ve planned just to cry!” I can feel myself building up that old rage inside of me. That’s what I need right now.
“You don’t have to look at it that way. Crying gives you a new found strength. Come sit with me. I want to tell you something.” His face has grown serious now. He isn’t playing games, and I know whatever he’s about to say is serious.
Pulling me down on the small couch next to him, he looks me in the eyes.
“When I was overseas, I saw so many things. So many lives taken. We were on a mission in the desert. My friend, Brody, was with me. He was all I had over there. We went into this little shack looking for signs of the enemy when we came upon a few small boys.” A tear slides down Drew’s cheek before he quickly wipes it away.
Before I can move or say a word he talks again.
“Brody told me something wasn’t right. I didn’t listen to him though. He felt it, but I didn’t fucking listen. One of those kids snuck up behind him before we knew what was going on. He stabbed Brody in the neck. He bled out right there in front of me. He was so young.” Grabbing his hand, I pull it into my lap unsure as to what to say.
“What happened to the boys?” His eyes look lost as he looks over at me.
“I killed them. I shot them to death. My heart died in that moment. All I saw was blood. They couldn’t have been more than ten years old. Those demons are what haunt me day and night.” Grabbing him around the neck, I pull him against me. I never thought I would see him so lost.
Drew pushes me away from him before he stands. The way he tries to fight what’s going on inside of him, tugs at something inside of me.
“Don’t feel sorry for me! I can see it in your eyes. Do you think I’m sorry for what I did?” The rage that bubbles up does little to scare me. I’ve felt that same rage within myself.
I always thought that Drew was the stronger of the two of us, but I’m starting to see just how equal we are.
“They would have killed you, too. I’m so sorry, Drew.” Kissing his cheek, he pulls my body closer relentlessly giving in to me.
“Deep down, I know what the outcome would have been but that does little to ease the pain. I know you did what you had to do, too. The point is, that I’ve hardened myself to everything around me. I’ve made it so hard to let anyone be close to me. I don’t want anyone knowing me, Han.”
Chapter 31
Jumping out of his grasp, how does he know that?
I stand and pace the room before he does the same.
“I knew you would look at me differently!” Drew growls before he grabs my arm.
“What are you talking about? How do you know what I did?” Screaming back at him, I yank my arm away.
“What? What are you talking about?” Looking confused, we both look at each other.
“How did you know that I killed her?” Screaming louder, he grabs my shoulders.
“Killed who? I didn’t know you killed anyone! Who did you kill?” Shaking my head, I have to back away.
I just admitted it, out loud. I don’t know what to do now. Oh God. I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I just told him that I killed someone.
Turning toward the door, I start to make a break for it.
“Don’t you dare! I just told you what I’ve done!” Dropping my head, I look at the floor. His reality and mine are far different.
“I don’t care what you did, Hannah.” His hand comes down on my shoulder before I lose it.
The sobs choke me before Drew pulls me into his chest.
“Who was she?” Sniffing, I try to regain my composure. I take a deep breath; I turn in his arms.
“I was fourteen when I was raped and beaten. I was a virgin before that. She helped them. She held me down while they did things to me. They were older than I was, and I thought we were friends. I
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