Read Online Destroy All Cars by Blake Nelson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Blake Nelson
Tags: Fiction
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talking about family matters. They chatter away about this and that. It makes the boy feel bad. The conversation was so stilted at the café. And now finally his date can talk freely. She is finally able to relax.
He gives directions to his house. There seems to be no chance for a good-night kiss as they pull up. He says good-bye and gets out. The girl looks a little disappointed as he shuts the door. Then she calls for him to wait. She gets out and comes around and kisses him. Itâs just a peck but itâs on the lips. Then she runs around to her side of the car and gets back in.
The boy goes inside with the knowledge that he is a total idiot.
The End
PART
4
A HOFF FAMILY VACATION
After preparing myself for a typical nothing-happening Spring Break, there has been a change of plans.
The Hoff family is going on vacation.
My dad has decided to take us to Sun River. Itâs a last minute decision, which is always the case with my dad doing something nice for the family. One day weâre sitting around twiddling our thumbs, the next day weâre frantically packing the Honda Pilot at five in the morning. The sudden change of plans obviously has to do with Dad wanting to meet someone or impress the other executives at his work. He would not do this otherwise.
In case anyone cares, my dad works for a company that makes artificial parts for your body, like plastic kneecaps, or titanium hip joints, or even whole arms or legs if you lose yours in one of our glorious wars against non-consumers. He doesnât actually do anything there, he just talks on the phone. He has a big, commanding phone voice. I hear it at home sometimes. He makes the big bucks sounding like heâs better than other people, pretending he knows what heâs talking about. My dadâs kind of a scumbag, did I mention that? But thatâs okay. The main way to rise up in your average American Corporation is to be a total scumbag.
So we get to Sun River and we pull in through the heavily guarded gate and the whole place turns out to beone big playground for Luxury SUVs. EVERY SINGLE VEHICLE WITHIN THE WALLED PREMISES OF THE SUN RIVER RESORT IS A SNORTING, PIGLIKE, GAS-GUZZLING TRAVESTY OF MOTOR TRANSPORT.
My sister, Libby, whoâs been watching Gilmore Girls on her portable DVD player, puts it away, so she can watch the cute boys throwing snowballs in one of the parking lots. There are cute girls, too, in down vests and bouncy winter hats. They jump in and out of Cadillac Escalades and Range Rovers, laughing, their white teeth shining, throwing one last snowball before they slam the door of their parentsâ $80,000 vehicles.
This is probably what college looks like.
We proceed to our rented cabin, where we unpack and settle in. Later, my sister and I walk to the main lodge where thereâs a place called the TeenZone, according to my momâs brochure. This turns out to be an arcade/burger-joint kind of place. I order some fries and sit in a booth and read a book called Black Elk Speaks, which Mr. Cogweiller recommended. Libby walks around and plays video games, checking out the other people as she does. She has more social possibilities in a place like this than I do. Sheâs a prep, what can I say? She has cute, normal friends. She likes cute, normal boys. Sheâs not going to think about the destruction of the world until the last possible second, when all the other cute, normal people think about it.
Black Elk Speaks is about the Lakota Indians of the central plains. Black Elk himself was a little kid when thefirst white people showed up, so his story pretty much covers the gradual disintegration of his tribe, thanks to the âgnawing floodâ of the white men. The Lakota are cheated, herded, imprisoned, and eventually massacred by the white people. Also, Black Elk gets to watch us kill just about every living buffalo in North America. We do this by shooting them from trains. For sport.
A little bell
He gives directions to his house. There seems to be no chance for a good-night kiss as they pull up. He says good-bye and gets out. The girl looks a little disappointed as he shuts the door. Then she calls for him to wait. She gets out and comes around and kisses him. Itâs just a peck but itâs on the lips. Then she runs around to her side of the car and gets back in.
The boy goes inside with the knowledge that he is a total idiot.
The End
PART
4
A HOFF FAMILY VACATION
After preparing myself for a typical nothing-happening Spring Break, there has been a change of plans.
The Hoff family is going on vacation.
My dad has decided to take us to Sun River. Itâs a last minute decision, which is always the case with my dad doing something nice for the family. One day weâre sitting around twiddling our thumbs, the next day weâre frantically packing the Honda Pilot at five in the morning. The sudden change of plans obviously has to do with Dad wanting to meet someone or impress the other executives at his work. He would not do this otherwise.
In case anyone cares, my dad works for a company that makes artificial parts for your body, like plastic kneecaps, or titanium hip joints, or even whole arms or legs if you lose yours in one of our glorious wars against non-consumers. He doesnât actually do anything there, he just talks on the phone. He has a big, commanding phone voice. I hear it at home sometimes. He makes the big bucks sounding like heâs better than other people, pretending he knows what heâs talking about. My dadâs kind of a scumbag, did I mention that? But thatâs okay. The main way to rise up in your average American Corporation is to be a total scumbag.
So we get to Sun River and we pull in through the heavily guarded gate and the whole place turns out to beone big playground for Luxury SUVs. EVERY SINGLE VEHICLE WITHIN THE WALLED PREMISES OF THE SUN RIVER RESORT IS A SNORTING, PIGLIKE, GAS-GUZZLING TRAVESTY OF MOTOR TRANSPORT.
My sister, Libby, whoâs been watching Gilmore Girls on her portable DVD player, puts it away, so she can watch the cute boys throwing snowballs in one of the parking lots. There are cute girls, too, in down vests and bouncy winter hats. They jump in and out of Cadillac Escalades and Range Rovers, laughing, their white teeth shining, throwing one last snowball before they slam the door of their parentsâ $80,000 vehicles.
This is probably what college looks like.
We proceed to our rented cabin, where we unpack and settle in. Later, my sister and I walk to the main lodge where thereâs a place called the TeenZone, according to my momâs brochure. This turns out to be an arcade/burger-joint kind of place. I order some fries and sit in a booth and read a book called Black Elk Speaks, which Mr. Cogweiller recommended. Libby walks around and plays video games, checking out the other people as she does. She has more social possibilities in a place like this than I do. Sheâs a prep, what can I say? She has cute, normal friends. She likes cute, normal boys. Sheâs not going to think about the destruction of the world until the last possible second, when all the other cute, normal people think about it.
Black Elk Speaks is about the Lakota Indians of the central plains. Black Elk himself was a little kid when thefirst white people showed up, so his story pretty much covers the gradual disintegration of his tribe, thanks to the âgnawing floodâ of the white men. The Lakota are cheated, herded, imprisoned, and eventually massacred by the white people. Also, Black Elk gets to watch us kill just about every living buffalo in North America. We do this by shooting them from trains. For sport.
A little bell
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