Read Online Destined to Feel by Indigo Bloome - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Indigo Bloome
Ads: Link
settle down, have babies, move back to Australia. All three things are impossible for me at this juncture of my life. I love her, surely she must know that. If she doesn’t, how can I possibly tell her now? She looks so happy and animated talking about ‘Robert’ and their potential new life together. Fuck! How did this conversation end up like this? I shake my head as her voice cuts through my daze.
‘Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, because if Robert and I move in together, like we’re planning, you know, as a couple, well, I won’t be able to have any more weekends away with you, like this. It just…wouldn’t be right, would it?’
She looks up at me, both resignation and longing in her puppy dog eyes. This is it. My playful, experimental Alexa is closing herself off from me because I can’t give her what she wants at this point in time. And she’s right. I can’t — or won’t. I don’t know which it is, but it’s too soon, we’re still too young. And besides, it really sounds like she loves him so how can I, in all fairness, deny her this happiness just because I’m not ready to commit? Shit, I feel sick to the pit of my gut. Too much for me to dwell on right now. I force my voice to sound calm.
‘No, sweetheart, it wouldn’t. I’m pleased you’re happy and thanks for letting me know. But know this, if he hurts you, upsets you, lays a finger on you that you’re not happy with, or doesn’t treat you like the goddess you are, he’ll have me to contend with and you know what I’m like.’
She smiles her gorgeous smile and I can’t help but try to grin back. ‘Very theatrical Jeremy but yeah, I do know what you’re like.’ She gives me a fun, playful, loving thump on my upper arm. ‘Always my protector.’
‘I will always be there for you, Alexandra. It’s very important to me that you know that.’ I seem to be drowning in solemnity which I’m sure must be freaking her out, particularly if she loves him and not me. I must try to get my head around supporting the choice she’s making and I need to lighten things up — urgently. ‘In the meantime, he doesn’t have you this weekend, I do, so if this is our last weekend together before you “settle down”’ — I can’t keep the bitter undertone from catching in my voice — ‘then rest assured, we will be making the most of it.’
I can’t bear to look at her face as I experience the unusual sensation of hot tears pooling in the corners my eyes so I pick her up instead and she squeals as I carry her to the edge of the rock shelf and leisurely throw her into the warm, aquamarine water. I wait till she rises to the surface, then promptly jump in to retrieve what’s mine, at least for now. I desperately need the diversion of the water against my skin, which helps to wash away my turbulent emotions and lighten my heavy heart.
I will not let her slip through my fingers again! I slam my fist hard on the wooden bench of the bar, my skin burning with determination.
‘Jeremy, are you okay?’
‘Oh, Sam, hi, I didn’t see you come in.’
His usually jovial face is lined with worry and concern. I quickly wipe any sign of moisture away from the corner of my eye; he shouldn’t have to see me like this. Fuck it, we shouldn’t be in this situation at all.
‘Yeah, I’ve been a million miles away. Any update?’ I raise my hand to the barman to indicate we need service and order more whisky which momentarily takes the edge off my pain but it will be the last one. I can’t afford to be playing anything but my A game when it comes to Alexa.
‘Actually, I do have some news. The signal from Alexandra’s bracelet has been traced to St Pancras station, they believe she boarded a train to Paris. The tracking device on the bracelet is not as effective on high-speed trains but we have been able to correlate the timing of the train departures and the bracelet and we are 90% sure. Unless —’
‘What?’ I say harshly, frustrated by
‘Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, because if Robert and I move in together, like we’re planning, you know, as a couple, well, I won’t be able to have any more weekends away with you, like this. It just…wouldn’t be right, would it?’
She looks up at me, both resignation and longing in her puppy dog eyes. This is it. My playful, experimental Alexa is closing herself off from me because I can’t give her what she wants at this point in time. And she’s right. I can’t — or won’t. I don’t know which it is, but it’s too soon, we’re still too young. And besides, it really sounds like she loves him so how can I, in all fairness, deny her this happiness just because I’m not ready to commit? Shit, I feel sick to the pit of my gut. Too much for me to dwell on right now. I force my voice to sound calm.
‘No, sweetheart, it wouldn’t. I’m pleased you’re happy and thanks for letting me know. But know this, if he hurts you, upsets you, lays a finger on you that you’re not happy with, or doesn’t treat you like the goddess you are, he’ll have me to contend with and you know what I’m like.’
She smiles her gorgeous smile and I can’t help but try to grin back. ‘Very theatrical Jeremy but yeah, I do know what you’re like.’ She gives me a fun, playful, loving thump on my upper arm. ‘Always my protector.’
‘I will always be there for you, Alexandra. It’s very important to me that you know that.’ I seem to be drowning in solemnity which I’m sure must be freaking her out, particularly if she loves him and not me. I must try to get my head around supporting the choice she’s making and I need to lighten things up — urgently. ‘In the meantime, he doesn’t have you this weekend, I do, so if this is our last weekend together before you “settle down”’ — I can’t keep the bitter undertone from catching in my voice — ‘then rest assured, we will be making the most of it.’
I can’t bear to look at her face as I experience the unusual sensation of hot tears pooling in the corners my eyes so I pick her up instead and she squeals as I carry her to the edge of the rock shelf and leisurely throw her into the warm, aquamarine water. I wait till she rises to the surface, then promptly jump in to retrieve what’s mine, at least for now. I desperately need the diversion of the water against my skin, which helps to wash away my turbulent emotions and lighten my heavy heart.
I will not let her slip through my fingers again! I slam my fist hard on the wooden bench of the bar, my skin burning with determination.
‘Jeremy, are you okay?’
‘Oh, Sam, hi, I didn’t see you come in.’
His usually jovial face is lined with worry and concern. I quickly wipe any sign of moisture away from the corner of my eye; he shouldn’t have to see me like this. Fuck it, we shouldn’t be in this situation at all.
‘Yeah, I’ve been a million miles away. Any update?’ I raise my hand to the barman to indicate we need service and order more whisky which momentarily takes the edge off my pain but it will be the last one. I can’t afford to be playing anything but my A game when it comes to Alexa.
‘Actually, I do have some news. The signal from Alexandra’s bracelet has been traced to St Pancras station, they believe she boarded a train to Paris. The tracking device on the bracelet is not as effective on high-speed trains but we have been able to correlate the timing of the train departures and the bracelet and we are 90% sure. Unless —’
‘What?’ I say harshly, frustrated by
Similar Books
