make it through the morning. I didn’t need a nap or a snooze or a doze or anything. I would stay awake if it took all the whiskey I had.
* * * *
It took a whole bottle of whiskey, and more cigarettes than I could count, not to mention some genuinely horrible movies, but I stayed awake. All the time I fought off the Voice and exhaustion and watched the sun rise on another humid day as sticky heat poured over the streets. Once the sun rose, the Voice backed down a little. I lurched upstairs to the bathroom and considered my reflection blearily in the mirror.
I looked very drunk, which made sense ‘cause I was. My dark blonde hair was lank and mussed from me running my fingers through it and my eyes were bloodshot and shadowed. I really needed to shave. I was pretty sure I stank too, but I couldn’t tell over the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey clinging to my nostrils.
I wished again I’d slept with Anna when I had the chance. No way would she throw herself at me like that again. I looked like a hobo fallen on hard times.
I thought briefly about showering and shaving, but was too drunk to be sure I wouldn’t cut my throat or slip on the soap or something. So I just changed clothes and treated myself to plenty of deodorant.
Then I wasn’t sure what to do.
Mutt sat at the bottom of the stairs, whining hopefully, and I figured he was right. If I stayed in the house, eventually I’d fall asleep. “Wanna go walk?” I slurred at Mutt, who got the gist of it and began barking excitedly. “Kay. Daddy needs more tobacco anyway.”
I shoved my wallet into my jeans pocket and put Mutt’s leash on. It was too early for anybody to be around except birds and joggers.
Yeah, I got a couple of odd looks from the joggers. Well, fuck ‘em. Walking in a straight line is hard enough without those judgmental bastards staring down their noses at me.
My head was killing me. I couldn’t decide if the alcohol or the lack of sleep caused it. Probably both. Probably more the alcohol, though. The Voice advised me to take a nap in the middle of the road, but Mutt wouldn’t have let me even if I’d tried. He dragged me along the pavement, stopping to sniff every piece of stuck gum or discarded candy wrapper he found with manic excitement. He made me feel even more exhausted.
“Daddy needs a break,” I told him when we reached a bench on the street corner, under a shady elm tree. I sat down, knees like water, and rested my head in my hands. “I’m gonna die on my feet, Mutt.”
Mutt licked my face helpfully. I scratched his ears and closed my eyes, just for a second, just to ease the burning, not to sleep, not to nap or doze, just to block out the sun for a second, just a second…
Chapter Seven
I jerked awake when something cold and hard hit my forehead. Opening my eyes, I saw a couple of laughing kids disappear around the corner as Mutt barked frantically at them. The empty soda can they’d thrown at me dropped into my lap. I scowled at their backs, wishing I had something to throw back at them, like a brick. I rubbed away a sticky smear of soda from my forehead, trying to ignore the Voice laughing uproariously inside my head.
“ You’re pathetic! No wonder the pretty police woman won’t sleep with you.”
“Shut up,” I said through gritted teeth. “Mutt, c’mere.”
Mutt strained at the end of his leash, still barking at the kids who were now long gone. I appreciated his efforts, but it was a lost cause. He came back to me when I tugged at the leash, placing his front paws on my knees and washing my face, whining anxiously. I scratched his ears, trying to get a grip on reality again.
Okay. I’d fallen asleep on the bench like a hobo. No shame in that, at least until the neighborhood kids came and clocked me with their empties. On the plus side, I hadn’t had any nightmares. Maybe the Voice was laying low ahead of the exorcism?
“ Or maybe you don’t have the brains to know when to be scared anymore,”
* * * *
It took a whole bottle of whiskey, and more cigarettes than I could count, not to mention some genuinely horrible movies, but I stayed awake. All the time I fought off the Voice and exhaustion and watched the sun rise on another humid day as sticky heat poured over the streets. Once the sun rose, the Voice backed down a little. I lurched upstairs to the bathroom and considered my reflection blearily in the mirror.
I looked very drunk, which made sense ‘cause I was. My dark blonde hair was lank and mussed from me running my fingers through it and my eyes were bloodshot and shadowed. I really needed to shave. I was pretty sure I stank too, but I couldn’t tell over the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey clinging to my nostrils.
I wished again I’d slept with Anna when I had the chance. No way would she throw herself at me like that again. I looked like a hobo fallen on hard times.
I thought briefly about showering and shaving, but was too drunk to be sure I wouldn’t cut my throat or slip on the soap or something. So I just changed clothes and treated myself to plenty of deodorant.
Then I wasn’t sure what to do.
Mutt sat at the bottom of the stairs, whining hopefully, and I figured he was right. If I stayed in the house, eventually I’d fall asleep. “Wanna go walk?” I slurred at Mutt, who got the gist of it and began barking excitedly. “Kay. Daddy needs more tobacco anyway.”
I shoved my wallet into my jeans pocket and put Mutt’s leash on. It was too early for anybody to be around except birds and joggers.
Yeah, I got a couple of odd looks from the joggers. Well, fuck ‘em. Walking in a straight line is hard enough without those judgmental bastards staring down their noses at me.
My head was killing me. I couldn’t decide if the alcohol or the lack of sleep caused it. Probably both. Probably more the alcohol, though. The Voice advised me to take a nap in the middle of the road, but Mutt wouldn’t have let me even if I’d tried. He dragged me along the pavement, stopping to sniff every piece of stuck gum or discarded candy wrapper he found with manic excitement. He made me feel even more exhausted.
“Daddy needs a break,” I told him when we reached a bench on the street corner, under a shady elm tree. I sat down, knees like water, and rested my head in my hands. “I’m gonna die on my feet, Mutt.”
Mutt licked my face helpfully. I scratched his ears and closed my eyes, just for a second, just to ease the burning, not to sleep, not to nap or doze, just to block out the sun for a second, just a second…
Chapter Seven
I jerked awake when something cold and hard hit my forehead. Opening my eyes, I saw a couple of laughing kids disappear around the corner as Mutt barked frantically at them. The empty soda can they’d thrown at me dropped into my lap. I scowled at their backs, wishing I had something to throw back at them, like a brick. I rubbed away a sticky smear of soda from my forehead, trying to ignore the Voice laughing uproariously inside my head.
“ You’re pathetic! No wonder the pretty police woman won’t sleep with you.”
“Shut up,” I said through gritted teeth. “Mutt, c’mere.”
Mutt strained at the end of his leash, still barking at the kids who were now long gone. I appreciated his efforts, but it was a lost cause. He came back to me when I tugged at the leash, placing his front paws on my knees and washing my face, whining anxiously. I scratched his ears, trying to get a grip on reality again.
Okay. I’d fallen asleep on the bench like a hobo. No shame in that, at least until the neighborhood kids came and clocked me with their empties. On the plus side, I hadn’t had any nightmares. Maybe the Voice was laying low ahead of the exorcism?
“ Or maybe you don’t have the brains to know when to be scared anymore,”
Similar Books
