have financial strain and a son to look after. Plus their house is the size of a shoebox, there’s no way I could impose on them.
Both my parents passed away before Ricky was born. They are probably looking down on all this in horror. I can just imagine my mumma pleading with God himself, to smite Joseph. To send him to jail and have someone rip off his nuts. She was always my biggest champion. I need to do the same for Ricky. However first, I need concrete evidence that backs up what an unfit father Joseph is, so when we leave, we never have to see the man again.
“No.” My voice comes out firm, as anger starts to seep into my thoughts at the sheer helplessness of my situation. I ignore him sulking behind me and grab a bra and panties, moving back to the bathroom to change, not wanting him to see even an inch more of skin than is already revealed to him.
By some small miracle, I manage to convince him that it’s a good idea to take Ricky out for the day, on my own. He may be a manipulator, but he’s not always a smart man. If I cause him to think he’s making the decision, I can usually sway him. By mentioning I’m worried about the mess Ricky will make before our guests arrive, it’s easy to get him to agree to let me take Ricky out. I also suggest he should stay home and relax on the computer, in the peace and quiet, after a hard week at work. Thankfully, he readily approves.
On the rare occasions that I get to go out without Joseph, whether it’s with or without Ricky, I sometimes like to make believe that I’m someone else. Lead a different life just for a day. For example, today we’re going to the beach. We don’t have to be Ricky and Roxi, depressed and suffocated by a hellish lifestyle. Today we can be whomever we want to be, no one knows us. Our life can be great, if only for one day.
Maybe I could be a successful business owner, spending a weekend away with my family. My hubby is back at the hotel running a bath for me; while my son and I have a quick swim at the beach. He could even put rose petals in the water, and while I enjoy relaxing, he could take our son back out and build sandcastles on the shoreline, and actually have fun. Or maybe not, but you can see what I mean, why I like to pretend. Go to a happy place even if it isn’t real, it’s a great escape. I can just enjoy the break and forget the crap I left behind.
“Hey Ricky, guess what?” He looks up at me curiously, and my stomach flutters in anticipation at the news I’m about to deliver. I swear I get more excited than he does, when I give him something.
“What?” My enthusiasm radiates from me to him, and before he even knows it, he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet and can hardly contain himself.
“We’re going to the beach for the day, just you and me kiddo.”
“Yes!” He’s full on jumping up and down now, and my eyes sting with unshed happy tears at the small amount of joy I am able to bring to his life. It doesn’t take much effort to please him. Children love the simple things in life. So why is it so hard for Joseph to deliver them?
“Come on, let’s get a move on.” Ricky’s only too happy to oblige and we have our beach bag packed and breakfast done in a flash. I don’t bother saying goodbye to Joseph. He probably wouldn’t hear if I called out and I never go in his office when he’s in there. If I absolutely have to, I knock extremely loud until he tells me to enter. I’m too scared of what I would walk in on otherwise, most likely him decorating the room in a disgusting gooey white mess.
In the car on the way there, we turn the music up and sing at the top of our lungs. I change the words to incorporate Ricky and my names, and he laughs in glee.
“You’re a good singer, Mummy.” Only he would say that, and I love him for it. Nevertheless, I know I’m terrible. He worships me, regardless of all my faults and it makes me want to achieve a better life for him even more. I’ll work it out,
Both my parents passed away before Ricky was born. They are probably looking down on all this in horror. I can just imagine my mumma pleading with God himself, to smite Joseph. To send him to jail and have someone rip off his nuts. She was always my biggest champion. I need to do the same for Ricky. However first, I need concrete evidence that backs up what an unfit father Joseph is, so when we leave, we never have to see the man again.
“No.” My voice comes out firm, as anger starts to seep into my thoughts at the sheer helplessness of my situation. I ignore him sulking behind me and grab a bra and panties, moving back to the bathroom to change, not wanting him to see even an inch more of skin than is already revealed to him.
By some small miracle, I manage to convince him that it’s a good idea to take Ricky out for the day, on my own. He may be a manipulator, but he’s not always a smart man. If I cause him to think he’s making the decision, I can usually sway him. By mentioning I’m worried about the mess Ricky will make before our guests arrive, it’s easy to get him to agree to let me take Ricky out. I also suggest he should stay home and relax on the computer, in the peace and quiet, after a hard week at work. Thankfully, he readily approves.
On the rare occasions that I get to go out without Joseph, whether it’s with or without Ricky, I sometimes like to make believe that I’m someone else. Lead a different life just for a day. For example, today we’re going to the beach. We don’t have to be Ricky and Roxi, depressed and suffocated by a hellish lifestyle. Today we can be whomever we want to be, no one knows us. Our life can be great, if only for one day.
Maybe I could be a successful business owner, spending a weekend away with my family. My hubby is back at the hotel running a bath for me; while my son and I have a quick swim at the beach. He could even put rose petals in the water, and while I enjoy relaxing, he could take our son back out and build sandcastles on the shoreline, and actually have fun. Or maybe not, but you can see what I mean, why I like to pretend. Go to a happy place even if it isn’t real, it’s a great escape. I can just enjoy the break and forget the crap I left behind.
“Hey Ricky, guess what?” He looks up at me curiously, and my stomach flutters in anticipation at the news I’m about to deliver. I swear I get more excited than he does, when I give him something.
“What?” My enthusiasm radiates from me to him, and before he even knows it, he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet and can hardly contain himself.
“We’re going to the beach for the day, just you and me kiddo.”
“Yes!” He’s full on jumping up and down now, and my eyes sting with unshed happy tears at the small amount of joy I am able to bring to his life. It doesn’t take much effort to please him. Children love the simple things in life. So why is it so hard for Joseph to deliver them?
“Come on, let’s get a move on.” Ricky’s only too happy to oblige and we have our beach bag packed and breakfast done in a flash. I don’t bother saying goodbye to Joseph. He probably wouldn’t hear if I called out and I never go in his office when he’s in there. If I absolutely have to, I knock extremely loud until he tells me to enter. I’m too scared of what I would walk in on otherwise, most likely him decorating the room in a disgusting gooey white mess.
In the car on the way there, we turn the music up and sing at the top of our lungs. I change the words to incorporate Ricky and my names, and he laughs in glee.
“You’re a good singer, Mummy.” Only he would say that, and I love him for it. Nevertheless, I know I’m terrible. He worships me, regardless of all my faults and it makes me want to achieve a better life for him even more. I’ll work it out,
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