instead blurting out the truth.
“I know no one is going to marry me!”
The moment she said the words, she wished she could take them back. They sounded so pathetic.
“What?” Evan asked, his brow wrinkling and his face confused.
“Oh God,” she said as she spun away and moved across the room again. Maybe distance would help. Certainly standing so close to him did nothing to clear her addled mind.
“What do you mean by that?” he pressed, and to her surprise and horror and a bit of relief, he moved on her again.
She swallowed. “I-I know my situation better than anyone. No one wants me, no one ever has. So I don’t expect to marry. I’m not even sad about that fact.”
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Sometimes she thought about her life in the future, alone and it did make her sad. But then she thought about independence and it helped a little.
“And this has to do with you running because…?” Evan asked, dragging out the last word into a long question.
She folded her arms.
“I-I suppose I’m just confused by this between us,” she admitted, motioning her hand back and forth between them.
He smiled slightly and her heart thumped. Why, oh, why did his smile have to be crooked? Why, oh, why was she so stupidly attracted to him even after everything that had happened between them?
“Confused by what?” he pressed, and he moved closer again. Now she was just a foot away from him and she swore she could smell the heated, leathery scent of him. She felt a strange throb between her legs and squeezed her thighs together to make it stop.
It didn’t stop.
“By…by…I don’t know,” she whispered. She could hardly breathe as he moved forward again and reached out his hand. She watched it cup her cheek in slow motion.
“By this?” he whispered, and his lips dropped her hers again.
She should have pulled away, pushed away, screamed, slapped him, but none of those were her reaction. Instead she found herself lifting into the kiss, opening her mouth for the wicked, hot invasion of his rough tongue. He tasted ever so faintly of sugar and whiskey, and that combination made her head spin.
She felt like she was getting swept away on a heady sea, and that at some point she wouldn’t be able to return. But there was a part of her rational mind that screamed at her to fight the riptide before it was too late.
She pulled back and broke the kiss, but couldn’t manage the strength to extract herself from his arms, which had somehow came around her as he kissed her. And in those strong arms, she felt…safe.
A foolish lie.
“Yes,” she whispered. “ That . That is what confuses me. I just don’t understand.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Do you need to?”
She pursed her lips. When it had become clear that she was not going to be a great beauty and that she would be teased mercilessly by some of her peers, she had retreated into the world of books. Learning the answers to questions had been one of her most favorite pastimes. And now Evan asked if she needed to understand this most base of her desires?
“Yes,” she said. Then she shook her head. “No? Yes.”
He smiled at her swinging pendulum of answers, but she didn’t feel like he was making fun of her. He released her from his embrace and she felt both relieved and bereft. But he caught her hand instead and stroked his thumb along the webbing between her thumb and forefinger. She almost stopped breathing.
“You aren’t alone,” he said. “I assure you, this connection, this desire to touch you, it is confusing to me too. After all, you have been my strongest critic, my most vocal enemy for over a decade.”
Josie shifted. When he said it that way, she sounded quite petulant. Perhaps she had been in some ways, though he had deserved some of her ire, that she knew.
“But,” he continued, lifting her hand to his chest, “is it wrong to simply follow what we want?”
Josie blinked. “What exactly are you offering me?”
He
“I know no one is going to marry me!”
The moment she said the words, she wished she could take them back. They sounded so pathetic.
“What?” Evan asked, his brow wrinkling and his face confused.
“Oh God,” she said as she spun away and moved across the room again. Maybe distance would help. Certainly standing so close to him did nothing to clear her addled mind.
“What do you mean by that?” he pressed, and to her surprise and horror and a bit of relief, he moved on her again.
She swallowed. “I-I know my situation better than anyone. No one wants me, no one ever has. So I don’t expect to marry. I’m not even sad about that fact.”
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Sometimes she thought about her life in the future, alone and it did make her sad. But then she thought about independence and it helped a little.
“And this has to do with you running because…?” Evan asked, dragging out the last word into a long question.
She folded her arms.
“I-I suppose I’m just confused by this between us,” she admitted, motioning her hand back and forth between them.
He smiled slightly and her heart thumped. Why, oh, why did his smile have to be crooked? Why, oh, why was she so stupidly attracted to him even after everything that had happened between them?
“Confused by what?” he pressed, and he moved closer again. Now she was just a foot away from him and she swore she could smell the heated, leathery scent of him. She felt a strange throb between her legs and squeezed her thighs together to make it stop.
It didn’t stop.
“By…by…I don’t know,” she whispered. She could hardly breathe as he moved forward again and reached out his hand. She watched it cup her cheek in slow motion.
“By this?” he whispered, and his lips dropped her hers again.
She should have pulled away, pushed away, screamed, slapped him, but none of those were her reaction. Instead she found herself lifting into the kiss, opening her mouth for the wicked, hot invasion of his rough tongue. He tasted ever so faintly of sugar and whiskey, and that combination made her head spin.
She felt like she was getting swept away on a heady sea, and that at some point she wouldn’t be able to return. But there was a part of her rational mind that screamed at her to fight the riptide before it was too late.
She pulled back and broke the kiss, but couldn’t manage the strength to extract herself from his arms, which had somehow came around her as he kissed her. And in those strong arms, she felt…safe.
A foolish lie.
“Yes,” she whispered. “ That . That is what confuses me. I just don’t understand.”
He lifted his eyebrows. “Do you need to?”
She pursed her lips. When it had become clear that she was not going to be a great beauty and that she would be teased mercilessly by some of her peers, she had retreated into the world of books. Learning the answers to questions had been one of her most favorite pastimes. And now Evan asked if she needed to understand this most base of her desires?
“Yes,” she said. Then she shook her head. “No? Yes.”
He smiled at her swinging pendulum of answers, but she didn’t feel like he was making fun of her. He released her from his embrace and she felt both relieved and bereft. But he caught her hand instead and stroked his thumb along the webbing between her thumb and forefinger. She almost stopped breathing.
“You aren’t alone,” he said. “I assure you, this connection, this desire to touch you, it is confusing to me too. After all, you have been my strongest critic, my most vocal enemy for over a decade.”
Josie shifted. When he said it that way, she sounded quite petulant. Perhaps she had been in some ways, though he had deserved some of her ire, that she knew.
“But,” he continued, lifting her hand to his chest, “is it wrong to simply follow what we want?”
Josie blinked. “What exactly are you offering me?”
He
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