like to catch up with you.”
This sounds ominous. I should say no and just hang up. “Um, okay.” Shit.
“So, I need to tell you that I’ve been in touch with Seth.”
My heart drops when I hear his name. What could she possibly talk to him about?
“Really?” is all I can say.
“Please, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry. I can hear the stress in your voice. Let me explain. As you know, it’s customary for the birth father, or potential birth father, to sign revocation of rights documents. Seth had signed them prior to Emily’s birth, but as with you, the judge also required his signature after her birth and after the revocation period is over.”
“Okay?” I’m still not following where this conversation is going.
“Anyway, the point of my call is to tell you that I spent some time with Seth. He wanted me to share something with you. I’m five minutes away from your apartment. Can I swing by and give it to you?”
My heart is racing right now, just thinking about Seth and what I did to him. I didn’t mean to kiss him that first time, and I certainly didn’t mean for Alex to see it. I got lost in the moment and was drawn to Seth. He was my best friend and I couldn’t stop myself. Seth invested so much of himself into our relationship. He must hate me, and I don’t know if I can handle this.
“Um, I guess so,” I say hesitantly.
“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” She ends the call and I throw myself onto the couch.
Five minutes later, Michelle knocks on my door.
I open the door to let her in and immediately feel uncomfortable. “Michelle, I don’t know if I’m ready for this, just so you know.”
She walks into my apartment with her arms open to give me a giant hug. That’s what I loved about her throughout this whole process. I wasn’t just a number to her but a real person. She’s been so great with me, and it’s wonderful that she continues to check up on me. I’m just terrified of what she has to give me from Seth.
“You look really good, Tabitha. Healthy.” Her eyes find mine and she smiles warmly.
“I’ll make this quick. As you know, I spent some time with Seth while he was signing the post-birth paperwork. He’s really hurting right now as you can imagine.”
Jesus! This is NOT the conversation that I want to be having right now. I feel enough guilt to last a lifetime. “I’m sure. Listen, Michelle, can you get to the point of this visit?” I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t need to hear about how much Seth is hurting. It’s just another reminder of the immense pain that I’ve caused everyone around me.
She reaches into her bag and pulls out an envelope. “Seth wanted you to have this. He asked that you read it or throw it away, but he wanted to be sure you got it.” She hands me the letter.
“Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say.
“Okay, so I’m going to go now. You have my number if you need me for anything. Please call me if you need to talk.”
Michelle leaves my apartment.
Now I’m alone with Seth’s letter. I don’t want to read it. Seth probably thinks that I will throw it away, unopened. I want to, but I can’t. If he’s writing to rip into me, then I deserve it and should give him the time. I sit on the couch and tear open the letter. My hands shake as I unfold it.
Dear Tabitha,
I don’t know how to start off this letter. I’m so angry with you for sending me away. I’m just numb all over. But before you stop reading this, know that this will be the only time I’m going to write angry words. Because all I can think about is you and how much I love you. Having this baby together wasn’t ever the right thing for either of us. I know this and I don’t blame you for any of your actions.
I know that we’ve had this discussion many, many times, but you made the right choice. The only choice. You gave Emily a chance at a wonderful life and I’m so proud of you.
I need to tell you that I saw Emily and she’s absolutely
This sounds ominous. I should say no and just hang up. “Um, okay.” Shit.
“So, I need to tell you that I’ve been in touch with Seth.”
My heart drops when I hear his name. What could she possibly talk to him about?
“Really?” is all I can say.
“Please, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry. I can hear the stress in your voice. Let me explain. As you know, it’s customary for the birth father, or potential birth father, to sign revocation of rights documents. Seth had signed them prior to Emily’s birth, but as with you, the judge also required his signature after her birth and after the revocation period is over.”
“Okay?” I’m still not following where this conversation is going.
“Anyway, the point of my call is to tell you that I spent some time with Seth. He wanted me to share something with you. I’m five minutes away from your apartment. Can I swing by and give it to you?”
My heart is racing right now, just thinking about Seth and what I did to him. I didn’t mean to kiss him that first time, and I certainly didn’t mean for Alex to see it. I got lost in the moment and was drawn to Seth. He was my best friend and I couldn’t stop myself. Seth invested so much of himself into our relationship. He must hate me, and I don’t know if I can handle this.
“Um, I guess so,” I say hesitantly.
“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” She ends the call and I throw myself onto the couch.
Five minutes later, Michelle knocks on my door.
I open the door to let her in and immediately feel uncomfortable. “Michelle, I don’t know if I’m ready for this, just so you know.”
She walks into my apartment with her arms open to give me a giant hug. That’s what I loved about her throughout this whole process. I wasn’t just a number to her but a real person. She’s been so great with me, and it’s wonderful that she continues to check up on me. I’m just terrified of what she has to give me from Seth.
“You look really good, Tabitha. Healthy.” Her eyes find mine and she smiles warmly.
“I’ll make this quick. As you know, I spent some time with Seth while he was signing the post-birth paperwork. He’s really hurting right now as you can imagine.”
Jesus! This is NOT the conversation that I want to be having right now. I feel enough guilt to last a lifetime. “I’m sure. Listen, Michelle, can you get to the point of this visit?” I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t need to hear about how much Seth is hurting. It’s just another reminder of the immense pain that I’ve caused everyone around me.
She reaches into her bag and pulls out an envelope. “Seth wanted you to have this. He asked that you read it or throw it away, but he wanted to be sure you got it.” She hands me the letter.
“Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say.
“Okay, so I’m going to go now. You have my number if you need me for anything. Please call me if you need to talk.”
Michelle leaves my apartment.
Now I’m alone with Seth’s letter. I don’t want to read it. Seth probably thinks that I will throw it away, unopened. I want to, but I can’t. If he’s writing to rip into me, then I deserve it and should give him the time. I sit on the couch and tear open the letter. My hands shake as I unfold it.
Dear Tabitha,
I don’t know how to start off this letter. I’m so angry with you for sending me away. I’m just numb all over. But before you stop reading this, know that this will be the only time I’m going to write angry words. Because all I can think about is you and how much I love you. Having this baby together wasn’t ever the right thing for either of us. I know this and I don’t blame you for any of your actions.
I know that we’ve had this discussion many, many times, but you made the right choice. The only choice. You gave Emily a chance at a wonderful life and I’m so proud of you.
I need to tell you that I saw Emily and she’s absolutely
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