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and retires from The Sunday Times
.
1975
Budds Farm
25 March
My telephone bill has reached an all-time record as far as this house is concerned of £75. I find this impermissible in these increasingly difficult times; not least because I rarely use the telephone myself. I find myself reluctantly compelled to request all who use the telephone here to record for my information all calls not purely local (Newbury and District) and the cost incurred. Failure to comply will result in the number of telephones in this house being reduced from three to one.
T. Tightwad (proprietor and candidate for insolvency)
I have been back home, albeit briefly, and manage to cause the usual stress about the phone bill
.
Budds Farm
7 January
Dear Charles,
I hope you are enjoying yourself and that neither you nor the young desperado you are with has run into serious trouble. We have been trying to spring-clean your room. I reckon Hercules would not have bellyached so much about mucking out the Augean Stables if he had had to have a go at your zimmer! There seemed to be sufficient equipment to start two quite big garages and enough wastepaper and empty cigarette packets to feed a bonfire of considerable size and power. Possibly because of my middle-class and military background, and a faint hankering towards a mild degree of cleanliness and order, I was slightly shocked. However, I have bought you a nice wicker dirty clothes basket (Ali Baba model), a five-drawer metal cabinet for your letters, receipts, writs, summonses, bills, lewd photographs, etc., etc., and a small fan-type electric heater so I hope you will be slightly more comfortable and better equipped. Your mother is tidying out your clothes and costumes tomorrow.
I had lunch with Sylvia Hambro yesterday and that Rolls-Royce will soon be available. She is very distressed because her eldest son wants to marry a tarty American divorcée aged about thirty-six and tough as a pair of Army boots. No news from Jane. Louise has been to two dances and is liverish. Cringer has worms and your poor mother continues to worry about everything and your future in particular. We had drinks with the Hislops on Sunday; the farouche appearance of the younger Hislop boy makes you look almost normal by comparison; is he rehearsing the part of St John the Baptist in a school play, do you think? Not much news in the papers; one member of a pop group ran over his own chauffeur and killed him, while a guitarist from another group has lost a leg doing something or other. Cousin John appeared on TV in a feature on Ian Fleming.
Donât do anything rash, and keep off the more sordid forms of self-indulgence.
D
Dad adopts a more mellowed stance towards my most disreputable of companions and my shortcomings generally
.
Hypothermia House
Monday
Dear Lupin,
Thank you for your letter. I do not wish to pursue the correspondence in respect of the telephone bill. De minimis non curat lex [The law will not concern itself with such trifles]. Your mother has a nasty cold and is extremely crotchety in consequence. The Roper-Caldbecks are just back from a holiday in Devonshire. Owing to persistent rain they never left their hotel, which fortunately was warm and comfortable. We have had the big Budds Farm shoot, which proved a success. Three pheasants in varying stages of mobility were slaughtered between the rubbish heap and the top of the croquet lawn: after which the guns, or to be more accurate the gun, a boy of fifteen, retired for tea and crumpets. I have just been sent a book to review by the author, whom I greatly dislike. Hardly a single name is spelled correctly and the book is wildly inaccurate in every respect. There is an unfortunate reference to Mr Cottrill who hopes to be able to sue for libel. In the Sunday Telegraph there was a lot about Mrs Christian Miller of Newtown who at the age of fifty-four has gone round America on a collapsible bicycle. Farmer Luckes has had another stroke. An
.
1975
Budds Farm
25 March
My telephone bill has reached an all-time record as far as this house is concerned of £75. I find this impermissible in these increasingly difficult times; not least because I rarely use the telephone myself. I find myself reluctantly compelled to request all who use the telephone here to record for my information all calls not purely local (Newbury and District) and the cost incurred. Failure to comply will result in the number of telephones in this house being reduced from three to one.
T. Tightwad (proprietor and candidate for insolvency)
I have been back home, albeit briefly, and manage to cause the usual stress about the phone bill
.
Budds Farm
7 January
Dear Charles,
I hope you are enjoying yourself and that neither you nor the young desperado you are with has run into serious trouble. We have been trying to spring-clean your room. I reckon Hercules would not have bellyached so much about mucking out the Augean Stables if he had had to have a go at your zimmer! There seemed to be sufficient equipment to start two quite big garages and enough wastepaper and empty cigarette packets to feed a bonfire of considerable size and power. Possibly because of my middle-class and military background, and a faint hankering towards a mild degree of cleanliness and order, I was slightly shocked. However, I have bought you a nice wicker dirty clothes basket (Ali Baba model), a five-drawer metal cabinet for your letters, receipts, writs, summonses, bills, lewd photographs, etc., etc., and a small fan-type electric heater so I hope you will be slightly more comfortable and better equipped. Your mother is tidying out your clothes and costumes tomorrow.
I had lunch with Sylvia Hambro yesterday and that Rolls-Royce will soon be available. She is very distressed because her eldest son wants to marry a tarty American divorcée aged about thirty-six and tough as a pair of Army boots. No news from Jane. Louise has been to two dances and is liverish. Cringer has worms and your poor mother continues to worry about everything and your future in particular. We had drinks with the Hislops on Sunday; the farouche appearance of the younger Hislop boy makes you look almost normal by comparison; is he rehearsing the part of St John the Baptist in a school play, do you think? Not much news in the papers; one member of a pop group ran over his own chauffeur and killed him, while a guitarist from another group has lost a leg doing something or other. Cousin John appeared on TV in a feature on Ian Fleming.
Donât do anything rash, and keep off the more sordid forms of self-indulgence.
D
Dad adopts a more mellowed stance towards my most disreputable of companions and my shortcomings generally
.
Hypothermia House
Monday
Dear Lupin,
Thank you for your letter. I do not wish to pursue the correspondence in respect of the telephone bill. De minimis non curat lex [The law will not concern itself with such trifles]. Your mother has a nasty cold and is extremely crotchety in consequence. The Roper-Caldbecks are just back from a holiday in Devonshire. Owing to persistent rain they never left their hotel, which fortunately was warm and comfortable. We have had the big Budds Farm shoot, which proved a success. Three pheasants in varying stages of mobility were slaughtered between the rubbish heap and the top of the croquet lawn: after which the guns, or to be more accurate the gun, a boy of fifteen, retired for tea and crumpets. I have just been sent a book to review by the author, whom I greatly dislike. Hardly a single name is spelled correctly and the book is wildly inaccurate in every respect. There is an unfortunate reference to Mr Cottrill who hopes to be able to sue for libel. In the Sunday Telegraph there was a lot about Mrs Christian Miller of Newtown who at the age of fifty-four has gone round America on a collapsible bicycle. Farmer Luckes has had another stroke. An
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