Read Online Dead In The Water (Rebecca Schwartz Mystery #4) (The Rebecca Schwartz Series) by Julie Smith - Free Book Online Page B

came up made my throat go dry. I smashed it down quickly and tried to think. But my mind wouldn’t leave it. I remembered everything I’d ever heard about molested children—that is, about our reactions to them. We try to pretend it didn’t happen. We don’t want to believe it and we don’t listen. I couldn’t fall into that trap. I had to face it.
    “Sweetheart, is there something you need to talk to me about?”
    Terror. Absolute, unadulterated terror spread like a blush on her small face. She shook her head violently. I pretended not to notice. I smiled, or maybe grimaced; anyway, I went through the motion. “Good. Because if anybody hurt you, I wouldn’t let them get away with it. Adults are supposed to protect kids, and I’d do that. I’d make sure they never hurt you again.”
    I saw the relief even before I started the protection promises. Did she believe me? Was I winning her confidence?
    “Has someone hurt you?”
    She shook her head, eyes bland, telling me I was completely off base.
    “Are things okay between you and your dad?”
    Fear flickered again. Having faced the incest specter (and gotten nowhere), I tried to see beyond it. Why else might a child be afraid of her father?
    Because she had a guilty secret.
Or thought she had
.
    That must be it. Aha, I had it now for sure.
    “You know, Esperanza,” I intoned importantly, “what happened to Sadie was really awful, but you couldn’t stop it from happening. A lot of times people feel guilty when someone dies, but it’s only a feeling, it’s not real. I mean, they feel that way even though they couldn’t possibly have had anything to do with the person’s death.”
    Tears started in the brown eyes, and a sob from the deep wracked her body upright and into my arms. She clung to me like a barnacle to a gray whale, her body heaving as if she were retching, and I knew that it felt that way to her. I was swept to my own childhood crying jags, to the overwhelming feeling of needing to be rid of something.
    Unexpectedly she spoke to me. “Did they really put Marty in jail?”
    “I’m afraid they did, but she won’t have to stay there long. They’re going to let her out pretty soon.”
    She pulled away from me, but maintained eye contact, kept sitting. She seemed to be coming out of her waking coma.
    “Is jail worse than hell?”
    “To tell you the truth, not everyone believes in hell.”
    “They don’t? It isn’t a real place?”
    “Some people think it is. But no one’s ever been there and come back, so no one knows for sure.”
    “Jail’s real, though, huh?”
    “Yes, but you know what? I’m a lawyer—did you know that?”
    “You are?”
    “Uh-huh. And that makes me an officer of the court. The law says you can only go to jail if you’re guilty. As an officer of the court, I pronounce you Not Guilty.”
    She lay back on her pillow, her face infinitely sad. I had said the wrong thing.
    Desperate to keep her from retreating again, I said, “Can we be friends, you and I?”
    She nodded once, vaguely, her heart not in it, just pleasing a grown-up.
    “I’ll help you no matter what, Esperanza. And I can do that because I’m a lawyer. Do you believe that?” (I’d heard that kids know instinctively when you’re feeding them bilge water, but I was gambling that it wasn’t true.)
    She nodded again. This time did I see a faint glimmer of hope? Probably not, but I bulled forward.
    “You lost a good friend when you lost Sadie, and I think you need another one. I’d like it to be me.” I had a sudden twinge. Was I being manipulative? Quickly I said, “I don’t mean you have to do anything for me or even talk to me if you don’t want to. But I want you to know you can if you like.”
    I waited a moment. “Would you like to tell me about the white thing?”
    She turned to the wall.
    “I just thought that, since you trusted Sadie with it, and I’m your friend now, that you might trust me.”
    Dead silence.
    “Okay, I understand.