Read Online Dead Girl Walking by Christopher Brookmyre - Free Book Online
Authors: Christopher Brookmyre
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seventeen.’
Mairi said nothing for a few moments, then emitted a small tut.
‘Pity,’ she said. ‘I quite liked both of those. I’ll take what I can get, though.’
‘I know the feeling.’
Our Thing
The period after the soundcheck felt like an eternity of waiting. I knew I would have to learn to occupy myself, somehow make use of the time, as it was going to happen every night we performed. Practice would be one option, but I didn’t feel like even touching my violin until I was ready to take the stage.
We dined together; or rather we sat down to food together. I barely ate anything for fear of not keeping it down.
I felt very alone in the dressing room. I sat at one end of the mirrored wall, conscious of not being entitled to join any particular conversation.
Heike was sitting on her own too, thumbing through a book, though not really reading it. She kept looking at the clock.
I had spoken to her, but only when she asked if I was okay and I answered yes. She seemed distant yet focused; just not focused on the here and now.
Nobody was saying much, in fact. Rory was silently nodding his head to whatever was playing in his headphones. Damien was normally the one geeing everybody up, but even he was quiet.
Scott came back in for the third or fourth time. I wondered whether he had a nervous bladder, as it was a worry of mine to find myself mid-performance and in dire need. Heike looked at him harshly.
‘Just a fag, I swear,’ he replied with a chuckle, as though amused by whatever was in this unspoken accusation. She gave him a sour look, but I couldn’t suss why.
Every time he opened the door I could hear the support band on stage. I felt I ought to go and watch them, as a distraction or maybe out of politeness and for the sake of future relations, but I didn’t want to catch a glimpse of the hall yet, either from the stage or the floor. I knew it would make me worse, and quite possibly make me puke.
That was when I realised everybody else was just as on edge as me.
Nobody was on solid ground here. This was a bigger venue than they had ever played, and was not even the biggest on the UK schedule. This tour was a major step for the band. It was nights like this that would make people fans for life, or go home thinking, Yeah
The Venal Tribe
is a decent album, but they’re shite live.
I was suddenly all the more conscious of what the others had already put into this, while I had been dropped in at the last minute. Sure, I had played on every track on the new album, but nobody was coming tonight because of that. It made it all the more crucial that I did nothing to jeopardise their success. I had to play well, and I had to look like I belonged. I knew I was capable of the first. Right then the second felt more of a stretch.
Finally, after that endless wait in the dressing room, we got our cue, almost running on to the stage, where suddenly time accelerated.
I have literally no memory of the first three, maybe four numbers. Nothing. It’s like someone wiped the tape, seriously. First thing I recall from the set was realising that my eyes were closed. I mean, yes, sometimes I do play with my eyes closed, but it seemed I had them shut tight for most of those opening songs. I only became aware of this during ‘Zoo Child’, when I sensed someone shoot past me and blinked them open in surprise. It was like I had been practising alone and then suddenly found myself transported on to that stage in front of a packed hall.
It was Scott who had almost bumped into me. He gave me a funny grin of acknowledgement, opening his eyes comically wide to make the point. I guessed then that it was actually me who had almost bumped into Scott, so I must have been moving around more than I realised.
With my eyes open, I stayed relatively still for the next few songs, hiding from the spotlights by keeping closer to the wings stage right. But then it was time for ‘Dark Station’, when there was no hiding place. It was
Mairi said nothing for a few moments, then emitted a small tut.
‘Pity,’ she said. ‘I quite liked both of those. I’ll take what I can get, though.’
‘I know the feeling.’
Our Thing
The period after the soundcheck felt like an eternity of waiting. I knew I would have to learn to occupy myself, somehow make use of the time, as it was going to happen every night we performed. Practice would be one option, but I didn’t feel like even touching my violin until I was ready to take the stage.
We dined together; or rather we sat down to food together. I barely ate anything for fear of not keeping it down.
I felt very alone in the dressing room. I sat at one end of the mirrored wall, conscious of not being entitled to join any particular conversation.
Heike was sitting on her own too, thumbing through a book, though not really reading it. She kept looking at the clock.
I had spoken to her, but only when she asked if I was okay and I answered yes. She seemed distant yet focused; just not focused on the here and now.
Nobody was saying much, in fact. Rory was silently nodding his head to whatever was playing in his headphones. Damien was normally the one geeing everybody up, but even he was quiet.
Scott came back in for the third or fourth time. I wondered whether he had a nervous bladder, as it was a worry of mine to find myself mid-performance and in dire need. Heike looked at him harshly.
‘Just a fag, I swear,’ he replied with a chuckle, as though amused by whatever was in this unspoken accusation. She gave him a sour look, but I couldn’t suss why.
Every time he opened the door I could hear the support band on stage. I felt I ought to go and watch them, as a distraction or maybe out of politeness and for the sake of future relations, but I didn’t want to catch a glimpse of the hall yet, either from the stage or the floor. I knew it would make me worse, and quite possibly make me puke.
That was when I realised everybody else was just as on edge as me.
Nobody was on solid ground here. This was a bigger venue than they had ever played, and was not even the biggest on the UK schedule. This tour was a major step for the band. It was nights like this that would make people fans for life, or go home thinking, Yeah
The Venal Tribe
is a decent album, but they’re shite live.
I was suddenly all the more conscious of what the others had already put into this, while I had been dropped in at the last minute. Sure, I had played on every track on the new album, but nobody was coming tonight because of that. It made it all the more crucial that I did nothing to jeopardise their success. I had to play well, and I had to look like I belonged. I knew I was capable of the first. Right then the second felt more of a stretch.
Finally, after that endless wait in the dressing room, we got our cue, almost running on to the stage, where suddenly time accelerated.
I have literally no memory of the first three, maybe four numbers. Nothing. It’s like someone wiped the tape, seriously. First thing I recall from the set was realising that my eyes were closed. I mean, yes, sometimes I do play with my eyes closed, but it seemed I had them shut tight for most of those opening songs. I only became aware of this during ‘Zoo Child’, when I sensed someone shoot past me and blinked them open in surprise. It was like I had been practising alone and then suddenly found myself transported on to that stage in front of a packed hall.
It was Scott who had almost bumped into me. He gave me a funny grin of acknowledgement, opening his eyes comically wide to make the point. I guessed then that it was actually me who had almost bumped into Scott, so I must have been moving around more than I realised.
With my eyes open, I stayed relatively still for the next few songs, hiding from the spotlights by keeping closer to the wings stage right. But then it was time for ‘Dark Station’, when there was no hiding place. It was
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