Read Online Darkthaw by Kate A. Boorman - Free Book Online

on my shoulder.
    I lean into his touch, breathe deep, and try to clear my head, but Brother Jameson’s cold blue eyes swim in my vision. My pa would be out here if not for him. Anger surfaces in my chest, hot and deep.
    â€œJameson deserved his death,” I say, like I’m accusing Frère Andre of something.
    He nods.
“C’
é
tait le désir de Dieu.”
    Almighty willed it. Yes.
    I want to cling to that notion when I think on Charlie. But all those years being Stained by my own grandma’am’s Waywardness muddies it up in my head. Her supposed sin was
my
burden, for a long time. Until I washed it clean, until I proved it false.
    Nobody’s giving them the chance to wash their pa’s stain clean. But . . . say we did?
    â€œFrère Andre, Charlie and his family have survived out here so far . . .”
    â€œOui,”
he says. “They survive.” He raises his eyebrows. Waits.
    I hug my arms around my body close. “But surviving and living are two different things.”
    He studies me. “You have—
comment on dit?
—
culpabilité
.”
    Guilt. I look away, off into the trees. “It’s not that.” But I can feel that ice in my chest again. It’s
not
that . . . is it? When they were cast out, how did I feel? Can’t remember. Back then everything was so upside down. Back then my mind wasn’t on Brother Jameson’s family; it was on my Discovery. What it had brought upon us, what it had brought upon my pa. It was on Matisa showing up and the greater world that lay outside our gates. It was on surviving
La Prise
so we could see that world.
    And it was easier to send them out when it wasn’t my decision. But casting them away from my own fire—now, that’s something different altogether. And now that I know the Bleed might be out here . . .
    â€œDon’t know if they can be trusted.” I’m not outright asking him what he thinks, but I’d be lying if I said I’m not hoping for an answer. He’s quiet. “Don’t know how Charlie feels about Kane,” I try again.
    Andre’s eyes soften. “Talk. To
les autres
,” he says, gentle.
    I fight back tears. “Yes.”
    I let him put an arm around my shoulders as we walk back to the fire and realize with a pang that his gruff warmth reminds me of my pa.

“NO.” THE WORD DROPS FROM ISI’S LIPS LIKE A stone.
    â€œWe can’t just leave them here,” I say, looking around at the others. Matisa and Nishwa exchange a glance. Kane watches me. I’d pulled him aside, told him first. He didn’t have much to say, just asked me if I was sure. Then he put his fingers to his lips, then to mine, and said, “I’ve told you before: I’m with you.” But there was a flash of worry in his dark eyes.
    â€œYour people sent them away,” Isi reminds me.
    â€œThat was the settlement’s say-so. This—this is our choice, now,” I say, but Isi crosses his arms. “We’ll just get them to the next settlement we see. Leaving them to perish isn’t right.”
    â€œAnd if we do not find a settlement?” Nishwa asks. “Do you expect us to bring them to our people?” He’s not asking it unkindly.
    â€œI d-d-don’t know,” I stutter. “Henderson talked about a settlement to the west of the crossing. One that had registered with the Dominion . . .”
    â€œYou do not
know
that it exists,” Isi points out. “Or if they would accept them if it does.”
    Matisa leans forward. “Why do you ask this, Em?” she asks, not like she’s irate, but like she truly wants to know.
    â€œI just . . .” I trail off and look at her, helpless-like. She studies me. “I just feel like giving them a chance is something I need to do. If we could just get them someplace better—”
    â€œWe are delayed