Read Online Dark Blue: Color Me Lonely with Bonus Content by Melody Carlson - Free Book Online
Authors: Melody Carlson
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steps back now and her face gets this blank look, like she’s trying to conceal something, and I wonder if I’ve offended her. Even so, I say nothing and she quickly retreats to join several kids gathered at the big table in the back of the room.
Now I feel bad and wonder why it is that I think I can act like such a jerk. I wander toward the group.
“You know,” I say to Felicia, “I’d stay and draw during lunch too, but I left home in such a hurry this morning that I forgot to pack anything to eat. Plus I skipped breakfast and am feeling kind of hungry now.” I know my explanation is too long and sounds lame. But it’s the best I can do under the circumstances.
“I’ve got an apple I don’t want,” Felicia offers.
Now Edgar Peebles is digging through his backpack like he’s hunting for hidden treasure. He pulls out a limp-looking package and holds it up hopefully. “I’ve got a string cheese you can have, Kara.” He smiles as he adjusts his slightly crooked wire-rimmed glasses.
“Hey, it’s not like I’m a poverty case,” I say, probably too defensively. “I was just in a hurry, you know. Maybe I’ll join you guys another time.”
Felicia shakes her head like she’s thinking I’m pretty weird. “Hey, no problem. Do what you like, Kara. We were just offering.”
“Yeah,” says Amy in a sharper tone. “We don’t need anyone hanging out here who thinks she’s too good for us—”
“Oh, Amy,” says Felicia.
“That’s not it.” I narrow my eyes at Amy now.
But undeterred, she looks right back at me. “Hey, if the shoe fits—”
“Well, think whatever you like,” I say in what sounds like the kind of flippant tone that I usually despise, not so very unlike the girls that Jordan’s probably eating lunch with right now. “I just happen to be hungry today and I don’t particularly want to eat handouts. Thanks just the same.”
Then I get out of there before Amy has a chance to sling anything at me. I’m sure I offended her. I probably offended them all. But it’s like I can’t help it. Then I begin my little
choo-choo
rhyme again.
What do I care? What do I care?
I repeat this through my head as I chug down the hallway in search of food.
I buy my “lunch” from the big machine in the hallway. Ironically I choose an apple and some string cheese. These I quietly consume on the
other
side of the school. I am not going to chance eating on the steps by the art department. I couldn’t endure the humiliation of being found there by Amy or Felicia or even that goofy old Edgar. Who names their kid
Edgar
anyway? Especially when it’s followed by a name like Peebles. Some people are just nuts!
I manage to make it through my afternoon classes without running into Jordan or her stupid friends once. I am learning how to keep a
low profile
. I sit close to the doors and exit my classes as soon as the release bells ring. Then I dash, not actually running since that would draw unwanted attention, but I choose the least crowded hallway and head straight for my next class. I keep my eyes downward as I go, just in case someone tries to make eye contact. Not that anyone ever would. But this behavior helps to make me feel slightly invisible. I think I am becoming quite stealthy actually. If I can keepthis up, I might someday just vanish into thin air. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. I imagine myself like that old movie, except I would be the Invisible Girl. As soon as the final bell rings, I am heading straight for the nearest exit, ready to blow this joint for —
“Kara,” calls an all-too-familiar voice.
I turn to see her, still looking like a page from one of her favorite fashion magazines. I try to form my face into an expression that I hope is a mixture of boredom and vague curiosity. But I’m afraid I look more like a deer caught in the headlights. Naturally, Jordan isn’t alone. Shawna and Betsy flank her, both looking on with an air of pure disinterest. Sort of the
Now I feel bad and wonder why it is that I think I can act like such a jerk. I wander toward the group.
“You know,” I say to Felicia, “I’d stay and draw during lunch too, but I left home in such a hurry this morning that I forgot to pack anything to eat. Plus I skipped breakfast and am feeling kind of hungry now.” I know my explanation is too long and sounds lame. But it’s the best I can do under the circumstances.
“I’ve got an apple I don’t want,” Felicia offers.
Now Edgar Peebles is digging through his backpack like he’s hunting for hidden treasure. He pulls out a limp-looking package and holds it up hopefully. “I’ve got a string cheese you can have, Kara.” He smiles as he adjusts his slightly crooked wire-rimmed glasses.
“Hey, it’s not like I’m a poverty case,” I say, probably too defensively. “I was just in a hurry, you know. Maybe I’ll join you guys another time.”
Felicia shakes her head like she’s thinking I’m pretty weird. “Hey, no problem. Do what you like, Kara. We were just offering.”
“Yeah,” says Amy in a sharper tone. “We don’t need anyone hanging out here who thinks she’s too good for us—”
“Oh, Amy,” says Felicia.
“That’s not it.” I narrow my eyes at Amy now.
But undeterred, she looks right back at me. “Hey, if the shoe fits—”
“Well, think whatever you like,” I say in what sounds like the kind of flippant tone that I usually despise, not so very unlike the girls that Jordan’s probably eating lunch with right now. “I just happen to be hungry today and I don’t particularly want to eat handouts. Thanks just the same.”
Then I get out of there before Amy has a chance to sling anything at me. I’m sure I offended her. I probably offended them all. But it’s like I can’t help it. Then I begin my little
choo-choo
rhyme again.
What do I care? What do I care?
I repeat this through my head as I chug down the hallway in search of food.
I buy my “lunch” from the big machine in the hallway. Ironically I choose an apple and some string cheese. These I quietly consume on the
other
side of the school. I am not going to chance eating on the steps by the art department. I couldn’t endure the humiliation of being found there by Amy or Felicia or even that goofy old Edgar. Who names their kid
Edgar
anyway? Especially when it’s followed by a name like Peebles. Some people are just nuts!
I manage to make it through my afternoon classes without running into Jordan or her stupid friends once. I am learning how to keep a
low profile
. I sit close to the doors and exit my classes as soon as the release bells ring. Then I dash, not actually running since that would draw unwanted attention, but I choose the least crowded hallway and head straight for my next class. I keep my eyes downward as I go, just in case someone tries to make eye contact. Not that anyone ever would. But this behavior helps to make me feel slightly invisible. I think I am becoming quite stealthy actually. If I can keepthis up, I might someday just vanish into thin air. It wouldn’t be such a bad thing really. I imagine myself like that old movie, except I would be the Invisible Girl. As soon as the final bell rings, I am heading straight for the nearest exit, ready to blow this joint for —
“Kara,” calls an all-too-familiar voice.
I turn to see her, still looking like a page from one of her favorite fashion magazines. I try to form my face into an expression that I hope is a mixture of boredom and vague curiosity. But I’m afraid I look more like a deer caught in the headlights. Naturally, Jordan isn’t alone. Shawna and Betsy flank her, both looking on with an air of pure disinterest. Sort of the
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