Read Online Dance While You Can by Susan Lewis - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Susan Lewis
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take your things . . .’
‘You said you loved me, Elizabeth.’
Almost choking on my tears, I shook my head. ‘I do, Alexander, but I can’t. I can’t . . . .’ And tearing my hand away from his, I ran off down the street.
I expected him to follow, and when he didn’t I had to bite my lips hard to stop myself from screaming out in an effort to fill the emptiness. I walked about for over an hour, hardly knowing what I was thinking or where I was going. I was terrified of going back, but knew I had to. It was the first step I had to take in facing my life without him. I steeled myself as I walked in the door of my room – and he was there, sitting on the bed, waiting for me.
I closed the door, quietly watching him through sore and swollen eyes. He stood up, reaching out for my hand, and led me across to the bed.
‘Sit down,’ he said, ‘I want you to listen. I don’t want you to interrupt, will you promise me?’
I nodded dumbly.
He went to sit in the old tapestry chair, and with his dark head on one side, he looked across the room at me, in the half-light, holding on to me with his eyes. ‘I know everyone will think that I can’t know my mind at my age, that I’m ruining my life – and all the other things they’ll say. But it doesn’t matter what other people think, Elizabeth, because none of it will change the way I feel about you. Of course it isn’t going to be easy, especially when I know that even you think I’m too young for what we have between us. All I can say is that in all the books and films I care about and, in all the life I’ve witnessed – even though I’ve only seen such a little of it – love has never recognised age. I love you, and I want you to go on being the most important part of my life. I don’t care about anything else. I know there will be times in the future when other things will be important to me, too – but always, no matter what, it will be you that I love. Nothing will change that, Elizabeth. I can’t put into words what it is that you’ve done to my life; all I know is that it won’t mean anything without you. And if you leave me now, you’ll be hurting us both, more perhaps than either of us can understand.
‘What I’m trying to say is very simple really. Not only do I love you now, I know already that I’m going to love you forever. And if you don’t believe me, then maybe we’ll have to wait forever for you to find out. Either way, it won’t change the way I feel. So please, don’t shut me out of your life.’
It was now almost completely dark, and I could hardly see him across the room. It was a long time before I stood up and walked over to him. He held out his arms, and sitting down on his lap, I held him, rocking him back and forth and wiping the tears from his cheeks.
‘Like you I don’t know what the future will hold, but let’s hope our love is strong enough to face it.’
– 8 –
I would never have thought it possible, but as time went on I grew to love Alexander more and more. Once we were back at Foxton’s the agony of being so close, yet not able to touch, was so intense that the only way to control it was to try and laugh about it. The way Alexander deliberately went around looking as if he was in the worst kind of physical torment made me laugh till I cried. ‘But this is the way I really feel,’ he said, when I told him he was overdoing it.
In between lessons he’d dash up to the surgery, close the door behind him and kiss me so hard and so quickly that I hardly knew he was there before he was gone. And at the end of each day we’d always manage to go for a walk, or if it was raining I’d slip down to the common room for a cup of coffee, just as I had with last year’s sixth form. Even though there weren’t many times when we could be on our own, we still managed to make love twice during the first weeks of term.
The first time was in. a barn that was a two-mile hike from the school. But I didn’t mind
‘You said you loved me, Elizabeth.’
Almost choking on my tears, I shook my head. ‘I do, Alexander, but I can’t. I can’t . . . .’ And tearing my hand away from his, I ran off down the street.
I expected him to follow, and when he didn’t I had to bite my lips hard to stop myself from screaming out in an effort to fill the emptiness. I walked about for over an hour, hardly knowing what I was thinking or where I was going. I was terrified of going back, but knew I had to. It was the first step I had to take in facing my life without him. I steeled myself as I walked in the door of my room – and he was there, sitting on the bed, waiting for me.
I closed the door, quietly watching him through sore and swollen eyes. He stood up, reaching out for my hand, and led me across to the bed.
‘Sit down,’ he said, ‘I want you to listen. I don’t want you to interrupt, will you promise me?’
I nodded dumbly.
He went to sit in the old tapestry chair, and with his dark head on one side, he looked across the room at me, in the half-light, holding on to me with his eyes. ‘I know everyone will think that I can’t know my mind at my age, that I’m ruining my life – and all the other things they’ll say. But it doesn’t matter what other people think, Elizabeth, because none of it will change the way I feel about you. Of course it isn’t going to be easy, especially when I know that even you think I’m too young for what we have between us. All I can say is that in all the books and films I care about and, in all the life I’ve witnessed – even though I’ve only seen such a little of it – love has never recognised age. I love you, and I want you to go on being the most important part of my life. I don’t care about anything else. I know there will be times in the future when other things will be important to me, too – but always, no matter what, it will be you that I love. Nothing will change that, Elizabeth. I can’t put into words what it is that you’ve done to my life; all I know is that it won’t mean anything without you. And if you leave me now, you’ll be hurting us both, more perhaps than either of us can understand.
‘What I’m trying to say is very simple really. Not only do I love you now, I know already that I’m going to love you forever. And if you don’t believe me, then maybe we’ll have to wait forever for you to find out. Either way, it won’t change the way I feel. So please, don’t shut me out of your life.’
It was now almost completely dark, and I could hardly see him across the room. It was a long time before I stood up and walked over to him. He held out his arms, and sitting down on his lap, I held him, rocking him back and forth and wiping the tears from his cheeks.
‘Like you I don’t know what the future will hold, but let’s hope our love is strong enough to face it.’
– 8 –
I would never have thought it possible, but as time went on I grew to love Alexander more and more. Once we were back at Foxton’s the agony of being so close, yet not able to touch, was so intense that the only way to control it was to try and laugh about it. The way Alexander deliberately went around looking as if he was in the worst kind of physical torment made me laugh till I cried. ‘But this is the way I really feel,’ he said, when I told him he was overdoing it.
In between lessons he’d dash up to the surgery, close the door behind him and kiss me so hard and so quickly that I hardly knew he was there before he was gone. And at the end of each day we’d always manage to go for a walk, or if it was raining I’d slip down to the common room for a cup of coffee, just as I had with last year’s sixth form. Even though there weren’t many times when we could be on our own, we still managed to make love twice during the first weeks of term.
The first time was in. a barn that was a two-mile hike from the school. But I didn’t mind
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