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Authors: Bruno Bouchet
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it’s Sean’s tent.
That T-shirt is too filthy to contemplate putting on, even in our desperate state, so I take a deep breath and venture into the murky depths of his backpack to look for something that might pass as a non-toxic garment. The first thing I come across isn’t clothes, it’s dozens of copies of the Tara and Christian picture.
I show Tara. ‘Told you it wasn’t me.’
‘But why?’ she asks.
I realise this was what Sean meant about ‘making me happy’. The boy is seriously warped.
‘It would seem Sean has a rather large crush on me.’
‘Like a proper one?’ says Tara in shock. ‘Do you think he’s fantasising about you? Cause a Sean fantasy could mean …’
‘I know. Anything, right.’
We pause, realising we’ve stopped arguing and slipped into friend mode without even realising it. I have so missed this.
Once we’ve wiggled ourselves into what are the closest things that Sean has to clean clothes, Tara starts talking. ‘Kat … When wasn’t I there?’
It takes me a moment to respond, but eventually I do. ‘I know you don’t think my problems are real but they’re mine. And I guess, I’ve been pretty unhappy lately. Like about what I’m doing at the Academy and …’
‘You should’ve told me,’ she says.
‘I think I wanted you to ask. It kind of feels like you put everything ahead of me. Ballet, guys, which is cool for you because you don’t need me. But the thing is … ‘ I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I’m supposed to be the strong one. The water-off-a-duck’s-back girl, but when the truth hits you, it hits you. ‘… I need you.’
Tears well up in my eyes and I realise just how lost I’ve been feeling. I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been so angry with Tara, feeling left out while she’s been focusing so hard on dancing, but it’s more than that. I’m jealous. Jealous that she knows what she wants, that she’s pushing herself through the physical torture of ballet because it’s what she wants more than anything. I’m putting myself through the bunions and blisters and aches and exhaustion, but for what?
I stare out at the empty bush with tears rolling down my face, and this time I can’t blame alcohol, just the complete mess that is my life. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose it completely and that I won’t be able to ever stop crying. I can’t expect a complete answer to my problems to drop down from the trees but right now I’d settle for anything that can help me hold it together – a canvas sheet to stretch over the mess of me.
‘So how did Natasha take your party?’ Tara asks.
I laugh and almost cry even more out of gratitude. If there’s one thing that’s going to help me hold it together it’s talking about how much I’ve annoyed my mother.
I giggle. ‘She went ballistic.’
‘Tell me what happened,’ Tara says, settling down for a long session. ‘From the beginning.’
CHAPTER 11
It’s so good to be back in tune with Tara. I didn’t realise how much hard work hating her was. Loving her is so much easier. And now we’re going to need each other even more. Petra’s been offered a place in the Berlin Ballet Company. We’re probably going to lose her to Germanic bunheads or ‘Berlin Ballet Bots’ as Petra calls them.
She tells us about it as we’re walking through the Academy. She’s also been offered a place at the Academy so has to decide between the two. As we pass the dance studio I look in the window. Miss Raine’s in there auditioning young girls for the junior summer program. In the line-up of mini Abigail clones all in matching pink tutus, one girl stands out. It’s Scout, the girl from the community centre, dressed in a swimming costume and board shorts. She reallywas serious about wanting to be a dancer. I wave to her but she just turns away. I don’t blame her.
We wait until the end of the audition. When the girls have finished, Miss Raine reads out the
That T-shirt is too filthy to contemplate putting on, even in our desperate state, so I take a deep breath and venture into the murky depths of his backpack to look for something that might pass as a non-toxic garment. The first thing I come across isn’t clothes, it’s dozens of copies of the Tara and Christian picture.
I show Tara. ‘Told you it wasn’t me.’
‘But why?’ she asks.
I realise this was what Sean meant about ‘making me happy’. The boy is seriously warped.
‘It would seem Sean has a rather large crush on me.’
‘Like a proper one?’ says Tara in shock. ‘Do you think he’s fantasising about you? Cause a Sean fantasy could mean …’
‘I know. Anything, right.’
We pause, realising we’ve stopped arguing and slipped into friend mode without even realising it. I have so missed this.
Once we’ve wiggled ourselves into what are the closest things that Sean has to clean clothes, Tara starts talking. ‘Kat … When wasn’t I there?’
It takes me a moment to respond, but eventually I do. ‘I know you don’t think my problems are real but they’re mine. And I guess, I’ve been pretty unhappy lately. Like about what I’m doing at the Academy and …’
‘You should’ve told me,’ she says.
‘I think I wanted you to ask. It kind of feels like you put everything ahead of me. Ballet, guys, which is cool for you because you don’t need me. But the thing is … ‘ I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I’m supposed to be the strong one. The water-off-a-duck’s-back girl, but when the truth hits you, it hits you. ‘… I need you.’
Tears well up in my eyes and I realise just how lost I’ve been feeling. I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been so angry with Tara, feeling left out while she’s been focusing so hard on dancing, but it’s more than that. I’m jealous. Jealous that she knows what she wants, that she’s pushing herself through the physical torture of ballet because it’s what she wants more than anything. I’m putting myself through the bunions and blisters and aches and exhaustion, but for what?
I stare out at the empty bush with tears rolling down my face, and this time I can’t blame alcohol, just the complete mess that is my life. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose it completely and that I won’t be able to ever stop crying. I can’t expect a complete answer to my problems to drop down from the trees but right now I’d settle for anything that can help me hold it together – a canvas sheet to stretch over the mess of me.
‘So how did Natasha take your party?’ Tara asks.
I laugh and almost cry even more out of gratitude. If there’s one thing that’s going to help me hold it together it’s talking about how much I’ve annoyed my mother.
I giggle. ‘She went ballistic.’
‘Tell me what happened,’ Tara says, settling down for a long session. ‘From the beginning.’
CHAPTER 11
It’s so good to be back in tune with Tara. I didn’t realise how much hard work hating her was. Loving her is so much easier. And now we’re going to need each other even more. Petra’s been offered a place in the Berlin Ballet Company. We’re probably going to lose her to Germanic bunheads or ‘Berlin Ballet Bots’ as Petra calls them.
She tells us about it as we’re walking through the Academy. She’s also been offered a place at the Academy so has to decide between the two. As we pass the dance studio I look in the window. Miss Raine’s in there auditioning young girls for the junior summer program. In the line-up of mini Abigail clones all in matching pink tutus, one girl stands out. It’s Scout, the girl from the community centre, dressed in a swimming costume and board shorts. She reallywas serious about wanting to be a dancer. I wave to her but she just turns away. I don’t blame her.
We wait until the end of the audition. When the girls have finished, Miss Raine reads out the
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