hard time, because you are lovely and your body is as fine as Iâve seen.â I objected to this as ugly and irrelevant but she went on: âYou have to study extremely hard and find some subject or profession youâre obsessed with because in our culture it has been very hard on the attractive women I know. They are leered at, teased, abused, set on a pedestal, and no one takes them seriously, so you have to use all your energies to develop the kind of character that can withstand this bullshit. You donât want to waste your life reacting to it. Donât waste your time on men who talk and stare but donât listen to you. They just want to fuck you. Women Iâve known in your position get easily depressed because they are valued for something, their looks, which they had nothing to do with, you get it? Itâs all genetic. And thereâs a lot of envy from other women. I wouldnât mind looking like you for a few weeks just to bowl the assholes over for a change.â
âArenât you happy with Warren?â I asked.
âOf course. Heâs the best man I ever had and I tried quite a few, though most of them werenât top-drawer. I met him when I was twenty-eight and it took two years to get him to marry me. I hiked every goddamn hill and swamp in the Upper Peninsula with him during that time. I quit that on our honeymoon which was a week of more camping on Isle Royale. Warren thought it was very funny when I quit because he knew I never liked it in the first place and I was just acting. Then he sent me off to New York City for a week of theatre as a present. I also know youâre thinking of ways to keep your baby but you can forget it because no oneâs going to let you.â
Unfortunately, the week before Naomi, Ruth, and Grandfatherwere to arrive for Christmas vacation I became ill with a particularly virulent form of flu. At the tail end of the flu came a serious case of pneumonia which put me in the local hospital. I did not become better and the holidays were an uncomfortable dream of visits from Naomi and Ruth. For a stretch of time my fever made me somewhat delirious and the regular doctors were joined by a specialist Grandfather had flown up from Omaha. The pregnancy complicated matters and there was fear for both of our lives. One late night after the fever had begun to subside Grandfather came in against the wishes of the nurses. He said he had made a mistake that he wanted to correct. He had hoped so badly that I would forget Duane that he hadnât given me the necklace that Duane had left behind for me. I grasped the necklace, seeing immediately it was the one Duane wore with a plain small stone in a copperish setting. There was also an envelope that had come more recently in the mail. It was a Christmas card with a Rapid City postmark. The card was a crèche scene and Duane had printed âThis here card is a joke. You sing one of your songs for me and Iâll sing one of mine for you, your friend Duane.â There was no return address. I kissed Grandfatherâs hand and rolled over to face the wall, holding the necklace to my lips. When he left, a nurse who had become a friend came in and asked me what was in my hand.
âMy boyfriend sent me his good-luck necklace.â She helped me put it on and brought a hand mirror so I could see myself. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. That night I dreamed of riding with Duane on horses that ran through the air, under the ground through the soil, under the surface of lakes and rivers. I awoke the next morning feeling much better. I hid the necklace from Naomi and Ruth because they would recognize it.
The doctor from Omaha had insisted before he left that I be moved away from the cold damp climate of the Upper Peninsula. It was the kind of suggestion that put Grandfather into his âumbrageâ mood, as Naomi called it. He had been staying at the only good hotel in town and Maureen
âArenât you happy with Warren?â I asked.
âOf course. Heâs the best man I ever had and I tried quite a few, though most of them werenât top-drawer. I met him when I was twenty-eight and it took two years to get him to marry me. I hiked every goddamn hill and swamp in the Upper Peninsula with him during that time. I quit that on our honeymoon which was a week of more camping on Isle Royale. Warren thought it was very funny when I quit because he knew I never liked it in the first place and I was just acting. Then he sent me off to New York City for a week of theatre as a present. I also know youâre thinking of ways to keep your baby but you can forget it because no oneâs going to let you.â
Unfortunately, the week before Naomi, Ruth, and Grandfatherwere to arrive for Christmas vacation I became ill with a particularly virulent form of flu. At the tail end of the flu came a serious case of pneumonia which put me in the local hospital. I did not become better and the holidays were an uncomfortable dream of visits from Naomi and Ruth. For a stretch of time my fever made me somewhat delirious and the regular doctors were joined by a specialist Grandfather had flown up from Omaha. The pregnancy complicated matters and there was fear for both of our lives. One late night after the fever had begun to subside Grandfather came in against the wishes of the nurses. He said he had made a mistake that he wanted to correct. He had hoped so badly that I would forget Duane that he hadnât given me the necklace that Duane had left behind for me. I grasped the necklace, seeing immediately it was the one Duane wore with a plain small stone in a copperish setting. There was also an envelope that had come more recently in the mail. It was a Christmas card with a Rapid City postmark. The card was a crèche scene and Duane had printed âThis here card is a joke. You sing one of your songs for me and Iâll sing one of mine for you, your friend Duane.â There was no return address. I kissed Grandfatherâs hand and rolled over to face the wall, holding the necklace to my lips. When he left, a nurse who had become a friend came in and asked me what was in my hand.
âMy boyfriend sent me his good-luck necklace.â She helped me put it on and brought a hand mirror so I could see myself. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. That night I dreamed of riding with Duane on horses that ran through the air, under the ground through the soil, under the surface of lakes and rivers. I awoke the next morning feeling much better. I hid the necklace from Naomi and Ruth because they would recognize it.
The doctor from Omaha had insisted before he left that I be moved away from the cold damp climate of the Upper Peninsula. It was the kind of suggestion that put Grandfather into his âumbrageâ mood, as Naomi called it. He had been staying at the only good hotel in town and Maureen
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