Read Online Current Affairs (Tiara Investigations Mysteries) by Lane Stone - Free Book Online
Authors: Lane Stone
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church for Fellowship Hour. If I put something in the oven will you take it out?” He kissed her, mumbling something to the affirmative and extracting a promise of recompense.
We gave him time to clear out of the kitchen before we got up from the table. The stiffness from the morning run made us moan and cuss. When we were able, we hobbled to the kitchen. Not real attractive.
When the decision to start Tiara Investigations had been made, we knew we had to get in shape. For us that means running three times a week and the services of a personal trainer, Julio (who you wouldn’t kick out of bed for eating crackers, if you know what I mean) for strength training twice a week and working out to a kickboxing DVD Tara had purchased for us. “We’ll be able to kick ass in, uh, the label says two weeks,” had been her explanation for that.
We’re stronger, and we walk taller. I, for one, am happy to report I no longer have to put talcum powder on my inner thighs just to make it down the hall.
Tara turned the cake mix box over to read the directions, “Look, we can make brownies out of this mix. Let’s do that.” And, yes, making brownies from a mix does take three of us. “They’re called Better Than Almost Anything Brownies. Hmm, I guess they have to say almost anything because of sex. That’s what we call a disclaimer.”
I looked at Victoria, “She’s an attorney, you know.”
Victoria ran her hand along the granite counter top. “I don’t think about sex as often as you two. At my age it’s more fun to laugh about it than to do it. I mean, isn’t that normal? The older women get, the less interest we have in it, right?”
“Listen, Hon, it’s bad sex women aren’t interested in.” Tara was trying to see the tiny red marks on a measuring cup.
“I beg to differ. Teenagers have nothing but bad sex, and they’re very interested in it.” I can be quite the philosopher.
“Hmm. Have either of you ever faked an orgasm?”
Tara and I exchanged glances. “No,” we answered together.
“Well, not in years,” I qualified mine.
“Now, I may have embellished a few, but faked, never.”
“And, Honey, remember I’m making up for lost time when my husband is home from deployment or here on TDY.”
“
TDY
?”
“Temporary Duty.”
Victoria looked at us from the sides of her narrowed eyes. “What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done in bed?” She looked at Tara first.
“I haven’t done it yet.”
“Let me preface this by saying some of my open mindedness is apathy. I don’t judge what other people are doing,” I answered, “with the exception of what we do for a living, that is. But once I made a man call me ma’am in bed.”
“Do you like being called ma’am?” She was no longer squinting. Actually her eyes were round as saucers.
“Nope. I just wanted to see if he would do it.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, ma’am. And there was the time I put a thong in my husband’s popcorn at the movies.”
“Did you take them off right there in the theatre?”
“Please. The seats. I brought a pair from home.”
“Oh, that’s right.” Victoria remembered who she was talking to.
“What did he do?” Tara leaned over and put her elbows on the counter top.
“He said, ‘What tha …?’ Then he realized what he had and used it to eat his popcorn.”
“That’s so funny.”
“Oh, it was a riot. The next week I reached into my bag of popcorn and there was a pair of his tighty whities in there. And his are big. Hmm, why do you think women’s underwear is sexy, and men’s underwear isn’t? I was just wondering.”
After a good laugh Tara turned to me. “Why did you tense up when Paul asked about us all getting together?”
“I just don’t know how that would work out. My husband is not very sociable. As a matter of fact, he’s an asshole to everyone but me.”
“I don’t believe that.” Victoria sat down on a kitchen stool.
“Believe it. The Pentagon wants him to
We gave him time to clear out of the kitchen before we got up from the table. The stiffness from the morning run made us moan and cuss. When we were able, we hobbled to the kitchen. Not real attractive.
When the decision to start Tiara Investigations had been made, we knew we had to get in shape. For us that means running three times a week and the services of a personal trainer, Julio (who you wouldn’t kick out of bed for eating crackers, if you know what I mean) for strength training twice a week and working out to a kickboxing DVD Tara had purchased for us. “We’ll be able to kick ass in, uh, the label says two weeks,” had been her explanation for that.
We’re stronger, and we walk taller. I, for one, am happy to report I no longer have to put talcum powder on my inner thighs just to make it down the hall.
Tara turned the cake mix box over to read the directions, “Look, we can make brownies out of this mix. Let’s do that.” And, yes, making brownies from a mix does take three of us. “They’re called Better Than Almost Anything Brownies. Hmm, I guess they have to say almost anything because of sex. That’s what we call a disclaimer.”
I looked at Victoria, “She’s an attorney, you know.”
Victoria ran her hand along the granite counter top. “I don’t think about sex as often as you two. At my age it’s more fun to laugh about it than to do it. I mean, isn’t that normal? The older women get, the less interest we have in it, right?”
“Listen, Hon, it’s bad sex women aren’t interested in.” Tara was trying to see the tiny red marks on a measuring cup.
“I beg to differ. Teenagers have nothing but bad sex, and they’re very interested in it.” I can be quite the philosopher.
“Hmm. Have either of you ever faked an orgasm?”
Tara and I exchanged glances. “No,” we answered together.
“Well, not in years,” I qualified mine.
“Now, I may have embellished a few, but faked, never.”
“And, Honey, remember I’m making up for lost time when my husband is home from deployment or here on TDY.”
“
TDY
?”
“Temporary Duty.”
Victoria looked at us from the sides of her narrowed eyes. “What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done in bed?” She looked at Tara first.
“I haven’t done it yet.”
“Let me preface this by saying some of my open mindedness is apathy. I don’t judge what other people are doing,” I answered, “with the exception of what we do for a living, that is. But once I made a man call me ma’am in bed.”
“Do you like being called ma’am?” She was no longer squinting. Actually her eyes were round as saucers.
“Nope. I just wanted to see if he would do it.”
“Did he?”
“Yes, ma’am. And there was the time I put a thong in my husband’s popcorn at the movies.”
“Did you take them off right there in the theatre?”
“Please. The seats. I brought a pair from home.”
“Oh, that’s right.” Victoria remembered who she was talking to.
“What did he do?” Tara leaned over and put her elbows on the counter top.
“He said, ‘What tha …?’ Then he realized what he had and used it to eat his popcorn.”
“That’s so funny.”
“Oh, it was a riot. The next week I reached into my bag of popcorn and there was a pair of his tighty whities in there. And his are big. Hmm, why do you think women’s underwear is sexy, and men’s underwear isn’t? I was just wondering.”
After a good laugh Tara turned to me. “Why did you tense up when Paul asked about us all getting together?”
“I just don’t know how that would work out. My husband is not very sociable. As a matter of fact, he’s an asshole to everyone but me.”
“I don’t believe that.” Victoria sat down on a kitchen stool.
“Believe it. The Pentagon wants him to
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