forgotten where I was until the familiar arm draped over my stomach led a trail to Mattâs sleeping face. Though I had no regrets about my night with Matt, I immediately regretted the circumstances. I can usually contain my tears, and decided that I would need to for fear Matt would wake up and press for answers I was not ready to give him. My eyes remained dry and my breathing completely normal, but as I lay beside Matt watching him sleep, I sobbed. Partly because I felt horrible that I was simultaneously lying to the two men I loved most. Partly because I was just plain exhausted. But mostly because I thought that the following morning, this would all be over. I assumed Iâd wake up next to Reilly Monday morning and life would go back to normal. A moth in the darkness without flicker of light anywhere. Back to reality.
âHey, Malone,â an adorably sleepy voice interrupted. âWhatâs on the agenda for you today?â
Iâm being dismissed.
âIâm just going to pick up some T-shirts and hang out on campus for a few hours,â I said casually. âWhat about you? Anything exciting planned?â
He stretched his body, yawned and smiled. âNothing I canât blow off to hang with you.â
âOkay,â I said too quickly.
âYou know what Iâm in the mood for right now?â
Me?!
He reached his arm around my waist and pulled me closer toward him. âYou. A shower. Then a sandwich at Zingermanâs. Let me see if I remember. Pat and Dickâs Honeymooner. Number twenty-seven. Extra honey mustard, right?â
I was blown away. Fourteen years and still remembered my sandwich.
âYeah, hey good call.â I turned away so he wouldnât see me smile.
Matt and I stopped at Ulrichâs, the campus bookstore and bought Michigan T-shirts and sweatshirts. I picked up a pair of boxer shorts and held them up. âSee, I could have just bought you these and we wouldâve been even,â I teased.
He smiled and raised his eyebrows. Then he looked at his watch.
âNot on your life,â I laughed. âItâs broad daylight.â
âLike thatâs ever stopped you before,â he said.
I smiled, a bit embarrassed. Matt was referring to the time we drove to his house while his parents were out of town for the weekend. We had sex about a dozen times in a twenty-four-hour period. Twice in his bed. Once in his parentsâ bed. Twice in their shower. Once in the kitchen. Once on the staircase directly under a framed painting of Jesus with a twisted palm beneath it. Three times in the family room. Once more in his bed. Then on the drive back to Ann Arbor, we pulled over in the middle of the afternoon and had hair-pulling drunken sailor sex on the periphery of a cow farm.
Fourteen years later, we were together again, holding hands as we crossed the street of our old campus. Matt looked at the arch of the West Engineering Building. âI was done for the night we kissed here. Remember that, Malone?â
Smooth and calm, Malone. You can do this.
âOh yeah,â I faked recalling. âI do remember that.â
Good girl.
âMalone. Prudence,â he stopped. âThis is gonna sound weird, but this weekend, it was like, you know, the best.â
Go on.
âIâm not usually into fate, but running into you this weekend, I donât think it was a mistake, you know? I let you go once and this weekend was a wake-up call, like, look you dumb fuck, hereâs a second chance, donât drop the ball man, you know what Iâm saying?â
âGod, yesâ escaped.
He put his hands straight into his pockets, which made his shoulders rise toward his ears, creating an impish little boy look. I must take mental photographs for my hot sex scrapbook.
âI guess what Iâm trying to say is this.â He paused. âMalone, the first time our timing was off, you know? We were young, we were both headed to
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