“Reagan excels at school,” they would say . “He’s a prodigy at the violin.” “And what about his brother?” others would ask. “Elvis…well…”
Yeah. Elvis…well. That should be my nickname.
It’s a wonder Rey and I get along. I never resented him when we were kids. I know I wanted to. I remember telling Lex how jealous I was of him, how I wished he just wasn’t so damn good at everything. Lex told me she understood if I hated him. I told her I didn’t. There’s only one reason for that. Rey didn’t see me as a disappointment. He didn’t care that I wasn’t good at the violin like he was, or that I was crap at school. To him, I was Cruiser, his brother. His cool brother. He looked up to me. Still does. He understood that I was my own self, that I didn’t have to be anyone to be someone.
Just like Lex understood.
I park my bike and sit down on the sand. Stare at the ocean. Feel the wind blowing against my hair and taste the salt on my lips. I used to do this a lot as a kid—sit on the beach and think about my future. At one point I wanted to be a fireman, just as every boy dreams. I imagined running into burning buildings and saving people. My parents would see me on TV and be proud of their son, the hero. I thought about that every time I brought home a bad grade and got a grilling from them. “Another C-, Elvis? You are learning the same material as your brother. There is no reason for him to do well and not you. You are not applying yourself as much as he is.”
I used to try. Really hard. Rey knows I did. He studied with me a bit, but after a while he got so frustrated he couldn’t take it. Not saying I’m a dumbass or anything, but school never seemed important to me. Seemed like too much of a headache for something I cared nothing about.
Some kid left his plastic shovel on the ground. I use it to dig a hole in the sand. Don’t know what I want out of life. Definitely not to be a fireman. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’ll be a Navy captain. Have some medals. Be a hero. Rey would be proud. And my parents? Fuck them.
I shake my head. Am I always going to be as pathetic as this?
The hole I dug must be a foot deep. Wish it were big enough to bury myself in.
Chapter Fourteen
Lex
I quickly close the door to the guidance counselor’s office behind me, like maybe the words said in that room will stay trapped and not follow me out. Then I head to my locker and lean against it, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Why couldn’t she just tell me what to do?
“Missed you at the caf.” Dani leans near me and crosses her arms over her chest.
“I was at Ms. Carter’s,” I mumble. Why did I think seeing her would be a good idea? Guidance counselors are supposed to “guide” you to the right decision, not give some useless BS and then let it fall on your shoulders. Apparently, it’s up to the teenager to make one of the most important decisions in her life all on her own. “But speak to your parents, Lex. They’ll help you figure things out.” Right, sure.
“Yeah, I saw you leave her office,” Dani says. “Everything cool?”
“I went to speak to her about next semester’s electives.”
“ What did she say?”
I push off my locker and open it, searching for my poli-sci book.
“Lex?” Dani says.
I close my eyes. “She thinks I should stick with dance,” I say, then snap them open. Dani’s watching me, expression thoughtful. “I asked her if it was possible for me to switch out some of my art and dance electives for more, um, pre-medish type courses.”
She nods slowly, her expression still the same.
I continue, “She said that in her professional opinion, she believes it’s in my best interest to pursue dance because I have such a bright future. Then she started going on about the scholarship, how it’s between me and Holly Bedford, and I have such a good shot and do I really want to make such a drastic change before thinking things through
Yeah. Elvis…well. That should be my nickname.
It’s a wonder Rey and I get along. I never resented him when we were kids. I know I wanted to. I remember telling Lex how jealous I was of him, how I wished he just wasn’t so damn good at everything. Lex told me she understood if I hated him. I told her I didn’t. There’s only one reason for that. Rey didn’t see me as a disappointment. He didn’t care that I wasn’t good at the violin like he was, or that I was crap at school. To him, I was Cruiser, his brother. His cool brother. He looked up to me. Still does. He understood that I was my own self, that I didn’t have to be anyone to be someone.
Just like Lex understood.
I park my bike and sit down on the sand. Stare at the ocean. Feel the wind blowing against my hair and taste the salt on my lips. I used to do this a lot as a kid—sit on the beach and think about my future. At one point I wanted to be a fireman, just as every boy dreams. I imagined running into burning buildings and saving people. My parents would see me on TV and be proud of their son, the hero. I thought about that every time I brought home a bad grade and got a grilling from them. “Another C-, Elvis? You are learning the same material as your brother. There is no reason for him to do well and not you. You are not applying yourself as much as he is.”
I used to try. Really hard. Rey knows I did. He studied with me a bit, but after a while he got so frustrated he couldn’t take it. Not saying I’m a dumbass or anything, but school never seemed important to me. Seemed like too much of a headache for something I cared nothing about.
Some kid left his plastic shovel on the ground. I use it to dig a hole in the sand. Don’t know what I want out of life. Definitely not to be a fireman. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’ll be a Navy captain. Have some medals. Be a hero. Rey would be proud. And my parents? Fuck them.
I shake my head. Am I always going to be as pathetic as this?
The hole I dug must be a foot deep. Wish it were big enough to bury myself in.
Chapter Fourteen
Lex
I quickly close the door to the guidance counselor’s office behind me, like maybe the words said in that room will stay trapped and not follow me out. Then I head to my locker and lean against it, taking a deep breath and letting it out. Why couldn’t she just tell me what to do?
“Missed you at the caf.” Dani leans near me and crosses her arms over her chest.
“I was at Ms. Carter’s,” I mumble. Why did I think seeing her would be a good idea? Guidance counselors are supposed to “guide” you to the right decision, not give some useless BS and then let it fall on your shoulders. Apparently, it’s up to the teenager to make one of the most important decisions in her life all on her own. “But speak to your parents, Lex. They’ll help you figure things out.” Right, sure.
“Yeah, I saw you leave her office,” Dani says. “Everything cool?”
“I went to speak to her about next semester’s electives.”
“ What did she say?”
I push off my locker and open it, searching for my poli-sci book.
“Lex?” Dani says.
I close my eyes. “She thinks I should stick with dance,” I say, then snap them open. Dani’s watching me, expression thoughtful. “I asked her if it was possible for me to switch out some of my art and dance electives for more, um, pre-medish type courses.”
She nods slowly, her expression still the same.
I continue, “She said that in her professional opinion, she believes it’s in my best interest to pursue dance because I have such a bright future. Then she started going on about the scholarship, how it’s between me and Holly Bedford, and I have such a good shot and do I really want to make such a drastic change before thinking things through
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