could. I’m sure some way could be found. Miss Morrison, I do apologize for pressing this, but you must understand—it would be a tragedy if Matt did not go to university. Genuinely it would be a tragedy.”
After a minute Aunt Annie said gently, “Miss Carrington, a worse tragedy than that has already taken place here.”
“I know! Oh my goodness, I realize that! But that is why it seems so wrong that this double blow should fall on Matt!”
Silence. A sigh from Aunt Annie. Finally, her tone still gentle, she said, “I don’t think you quite understand the position. We would help Matt if we possibly could. We would help all the children. But there is no money. I realize that sounds unlikely, but that is the case. The last five years—six years—have been very hard for all the farms in the Gaspé. Both of my brothers are in debt. My father is in debt. At the end of his life, he is in debt, and he has never owed a penny before.”
“But this house—”
“The money from this house, together with what Robert left, will see Luke through teachers’ college and provide a very small sum to give to each of the others when they reach twenty-one. A very small sum. We could not in all conscience deprive the girls of that in order that Matt go to university. And in any case there would not be enough.”
“But surely—”
“Miss Carrington, please listen. I should not tell you this, it is most … inappropriate … but I want you to understand. I appreciate your concern for Matt and I want you to understand how … painful this is for the family. The reason Robert left so little is that he has been helping out the rest of us. He felt he was beholden to us, you see. My brothers sacrificed so that he could have his chance, and he took the chance and he did very well, so of course when things went badly for us, he felt he had to help out. Which was very generous of him. And of course he could not know that his children—he would have assumed a good salary coming in for years to come.”
There was silence. I prodded at the beans with my knife.
Miss Carrington said bleakly, “A tragedy then. As you say.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“You couldn’t—you couldn’t at least let him finish high school. Miss Morrison, he deserves at least to finish high school.”
“My dear, my sister—not the one who is taking Kate and Elizabeth—has four sons, all of whom deserved to finish high school, all of whom deserved to go to university, come to that. They are clever boys. It is, I believe, a clever family. But they are all on the fishing boats now. There is no future for them even on the farm. And you might well call it a tragedy, but it is one that most of the world is familiar with. To be honest with you, I feel far worse about having to split up those children than I do about Matt not finishing high school. He has more education than most already.”
More silence. I imagined Miss Carrington, her mouth gone thin, as it did in class when she was cross.
Aunt Annie said, “We should count our blessings, you know. The children could have been in that car.”
I made my way down to the beach. When I had finished topping the beans, I sat for a bit, watching the waves, listening to their steady swish. Their sound, in all its variety, had been the background to my life. From the moment of my birth, I had never been without it.
After a while I picked up the knife again and pressed the point against my finger. It dented the skin, and then a small drop of dark glistening blood welled out. It hardly hurt at all.
chapter
SIX
Oh, the chances, the fragile little incidents which determine the course of our lives. If I say my life took a certain course because my parents died, well, that is understandable, that is a major event, that would shape anyone’s future. But if I say my life took a certain course because Miss Carrington came that day, and I dropped a knife, and Matt, a few hours later, still wretchedly trying to help me,
After a minute Aunt Annie said gently, “Miss Carrington, a worse tragedy than that has already taken place here.”
“I know! Oh my goodness, I realize that! But that is why it seems so wrong that this double blow should fall on Matt!”
Silence. A sigh from Aunt Annie. Finally, her tone still gentle, she said, “I don’t think you quite understand the position. We would help Matt if we possibly could. We would help all the children. But there is no money. I realize that sounds unlikely, but that is the case. The last five years—six years—have been very hard for all the farms in the Gaspé. Both of my brothers are in debt. My father is in debt. At the end of his life, he is in debt, and he has never owed a penny before.”
“But this house—”
“The money from this house, together with what Robert left, will see Luke through teachers’ college and provide a very small sum to give to each of the others when they reach twenty-one. A very small sum. We could not in all conscience deprive the girls of that in order that Matt go to university. And in any case there would not be enough.”
“But surely—”
“Miss Carrington, please listen. I should not tell you this, it is most … inappropriate … but I want you to understand. I appreciate your concern for Matt and I want you to understand how … painful this is for the family. The reason Robert left so little is that he has been helping out the rest of us. He felt he was beholden to us, you see. My brothers sacrificed so that he could have his chance, and he took the chance and he did very well, so of course when things went badly for us, he felt he had to help out. Which was very generous of him. And of course he could not know that his children—he would have assumed a good salary coming in for years to come.”
There was silence. I prodded at the beans with my knife.
Miss Carrington said bleakly, “A tragedy then. As you say.”
“I’m afraid so.”
“You couldn’t—you couldn’t at least let him finish high school. Miss Morrison, he deserves at least to finish high school.”
“My dear, my sister—not the one who is taking Kate and Elizabeth—has four sons, all of whom deserved to finish high school, all of whom deserved to go to university, come to that. They are clever boys. It is, I believe, a clever family. But they are all on the fishing boats now. There is no future for them even on the farm. And you might well call it a tragedy, but it is one that most of the world is familiar with. To be honest with you, I feel far worse about having to split up those children than I do about Matt not finishing high school. He has more education than most already.”
More silence. I imagined Miss Carrington, her mouth gone thin, as it did in class when she was cross.
Aunt Annie said, “We should count our blessings, you know. The children could have been in that car.”
I made my way down to the beach. When I had finished topping the beans, I sat for a bit, watching the waves, listening to their steady swish. Their sound, in all its variety, had been the background to my life. From the moment of my birth, I had never been without it.
After a while I picked up the knife again and pressed the point against my finger. It dented the skin, and then a small drop of dark glistening blood welled out. It hardly hurt at all.
chapter
SIX
Oh, the chances, the fragile little incidents which determine the course of our lives. If I say my life took a certain course because my parents died, well, that is understandable, that is a major event, that would shape anyone’s future. But if I say my life took a certain course because Miss Carrington came that day, and I dropped a knife, and Matt, a few hours later, still wretchedly trying to help me,
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