Read Online Crashing Souls by Cynthia A. Rodriguez - Free Book Online
Authors: Cynthia A. Rodriguez
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must’ve sounded. When she was out of earshot, I started talking, the words rushing out of me.
“This is embarrassing, Ralph. And not what I had in mind.”
“Look, you gave me a problem, I gave you a solution. I don’t care if you don’t like any of these girls. At least I’m trying to help. So, sit there quietly and let me.”
I sat back and grabbed the stack of paper. Most, if not all, of these girls would get a ‘no’. I didn’t think she’d be here. It
couldn’t
be that easy. She wouldn’t fall into my lap.
But thinking of the loneliness that crept up on me when I least expected it, whether I was daydreaming, falling asleep, or even in class caused me to sit up straight. It seized me. The same way I panicked when faced with losing her in death, I panicked at the idea of losing her in life.
An hour or so later, we’d gone through about forty girls, all of them getting turned away within the first few minutes. Ralph was loving it, smiling and asking questions like he’d done this before. When he asked a girl what she saw for her and me long-term, I kicked him under the table.
I drank the last of my hot chocolate and stepped off to the bathroom, hoping there’d be no more victims. The last girl had been painful. Her laugh made me want to bang my head against the wall continuously. I washed my hands and headed back to our booth, keys in hand. I stopped when I saw a familiar head of red hair.
Mouse?
I sat down and watched her pale. It wasn’t hard. Her skin was already pale to begin with, a cluster of freckles dusting her nose and cheeks the only true pigment to graze her skin. I hadn’t gotten this close of a look before.
“ What are you doing here?” I asked. Ralph grinned, watching us.
“I’m, uh, sure it’s no secret, Dex.” Her voice held an innocent tone and I realized it was the first time I’d ever heard it, despite sitting next to her for the better part of two weeks.
“It isn’t,” Ralph said, leaning forward and patting her hand.
“Shut it.” I glared at him. I turned back to face her. “Trust me, I think you’re sweet and if I were actually into this, I probably would…pick you. But this isn’t right....”
She shoved away from the table, a watery smile on her face. I knew she was embarrassed.
“Sure. Fine.” As she ran off, I grimaced, shoving Ralph.
“Way to go, asshole,” I muttered, looking down at the last sheet in front of me. Ralph had written her name down. Rachel.
Sorry, Rachel
, I thought to myself.
•••
November ended and December came. I ran into a few girls Ralph had interviewed and all of them looked like they hated me. Even Rachel avoided me, regardless of my numerous attempts at talking to her and apologizing. I was feeling more and more like shit, despite becoming closer to Tracey than Dex had ever been. But even she couldn’t shake me out of my funk.
“What’s going on with you?” Tracey asked me over our morning cup of coffee. It was a personal tradition of hers that I’d begun to participate in.
“What do you mean?” I knew what she was asking. Why was I acting like a recluse? Why was every action tainted with disappointment? And most of all, why wasn’t I getting my memory back?
“Why do you walk around with the world on your shoulders?” She surprised me.
“ I don’t know.” She knew I was lying. But to have told her would mean to tell her everything. I’d have to tell her about dying, the Angel of Death, and how I wasn’t really her nephew. Instead, I set the cup down and left for school where I was currently ambling through the halls after my final class.
Another day down. No closer to the one I was dreaming about without actually knowing. It was both haunting and daunting. Both poignant and ridiculous. I was in love with a phantom, an idea.
Every day that passed was a lost opportunity. I was no closer to finding her, and the Angel of Death didn’t have anything to say about it.
Had he given up? Realized his
“This is embarrassing, Ralph. And not what I had in mind.”
“Look, you gave me a problem, I gave you a solution. I don’t care if you don’t like any of these girls. At least I’m trying to help. So, sit there quietly and let me.”
I sat back and grabbed the stack of paper. Most, if not all, of these girls would get a ‘no’. I didn’t think she’d be here. It
couldn’t
be that easy. She wouldn’t fall into my lap.
But thinking of the loneliness that crept up on me when I least expected it, whether I was daydreaming, falling asleep, or even in class caused me to sit up straight. It seized me. The same way I panicked when faced with losing her in death, I panicked at the idea of losing her in life.
An hour or so later, we’d gone through about forty girls, all of them getting turned away within the first few minutes. Ralph was loving it, smiling and asking questions like he’d done this before. When he asked a girl what she saw for her and me long-term, I kicked him under the table.
I drank the last of my hot chocolate and stepped off to the bathroom, hoping there’d be no more victims. The last girl had been painful. Her laugh made me want to bang my head against the wall continuously. I washed my hands and headed back to our booth, keys in hand. I stopped when I saw a familiar head of red hair.
Mouse?
I sat down and watched her pale. It wasn’t hard. Her skin was already pale to begin with, a cluster of freckles dusting her nose and cheeks the only true pigment to graze her skin. I hadn’t gotten this close of a look before.
“ What are you doing here?” I asked. Ralph grinned, watching us.
“I’m, uh, sure it’s no secret, Dex.” Her voice held an innocent tone and I realized it was the first time I’d ever heard it, despite sitting next to her for the better part of two weeks.
“It isn’t,” Ralph said, leaning forward and patting her hand.
“Shut it.” I glared at him. I turned back to face her. “Trust me, I think you’re sweet and if I were actually into this, I probably would…pick you. But this isn’t right....”
She shoved away from the table, a watery smile on her face. I knew she was embarrassed.
“Sure. Fine.” As she ran off, I grimaced, shoving Ralph.
“Way to go, asshole,” I muttered, looking down at the last sheet in front of me. Ralph had written her name down. Rachel.
Sorry, Rachel
, I thought to myself.
•••
November ended and December came. I ran into a few girls Ralph had interviewed and all of them looked like they hated me. Even Rachel avoided me, regardless of my numerous attempts at talking to her and apologizing. I was feeling more and more like shit, despite becoming closer to Tracey than Dex had ever been. But even she couldn’t shake me out of my funk.
“What’s going on with you?” Tracey asked me over our morning cup of coffee. It was a personal tradition of hers that I’d begun to participate in.
“What do you mean?” I knew what she was asking. Why was I acting like a recluse? Why was every action tainted with disappointment? And most of all, why wasn’t I getting my memory back?
“Why do you walk around with the world on your shoulders?” She surprised me.
“ I don’t know.” She knew I was lying. But to have told her would mean to tell her everything. I’d have to tell her about dying, the Angel of Death, and how I wasn’t really her nephew. Instead, I set the cup down and left for school where I was currently ambling through the halls after my final class.
Another day down. No closer to the one I was dreaming about without actually knowing. It was both haunting and daunting. Both poignant and ridiculous. I was in love with a phantom, an idea.
Every day that passed was a lost opportunity. I was no closer to finding her, and the Angel of Death didn’t have anything to say about it.
Had he given up? Realized his
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