have trouble hearing him.
I force my eyes to meet his again, and again immediately wish that I didn’t. The amount of confusion and hurt that resides there would be too much for any normal person to take it, especially with all the pain I was feeling myself. “No, no, it wasn’t anyone’s fault…it just happened…” I trail off.
Nathan’s not paying attention anymore, instead looking around the room frantically. His eyes are darting in every which direction, and then my eyes land on what he’s looking for at the same time that his do. His phone.
“Nathan, what are you doing?” I ask as he takes a few hard steps toward the front of the room and grabs his phone off the table in one rough motion.
“I’m calling my mom to find out what the fuck they did.” He’s pounding away at keys on his screen now.
“No! No! You can’t! Nathan, you can’t!” I’m practically on top of him in a matter of seconds trying to wrestle his phone away from him. “If you tell them you know they’ll send me back! I’m not allowed to tell anyone!”
Nathan freezes, his hand still wrapped around his phone, ready to keep dialing at any moment.
“I can’t go back there, please, you can’t tell anyone.”
The amount of rage that consumes his body is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, not even in the wellness center. In one swift motion he takes his phone and throws it across the room, it hits the wall on the opposite side of the room and immediately shatters into a bunch of pieces.
I stare at the place where the phone made contact with the wall, too shocked to speak.
“And what? You just came back and decided to not tell me anything? You thought you’d just come back and go along with everyone else’s story? You didn’t think I deserved to know the fucking truth?” If Nathan’s shocked that he just threw his phone across the room, he’s not showing it. Choosing instead to keep spitting question out at me. It feels like he grows more and more angry by the second.
“I couldn’t tell you! Didn’t you just hear what I said? I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone!”
He shakes his head, not taking his dark gaze off of me for even a second. “That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it. You know me. You know we would have figured it out. We could have…we could have…”
“We could have what? We could have nothing! There was nothing I could have done!” I had done a pretty job at keeping myself calm up until this point, but I could feel my emotions starting to unravel now, tired of being bottled up for so long.
“Of course we could have done something! It’s me, it’s us, there’s always something we can do! Did you even care? Did you even think about me at all?”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to let the anger slip back inside of me, but it’s hard, all I really want to do is scream and yell and laugh and cry and hit him and kiss him all at the same time. “How could you even ask me that?”
A look of realization passes over his face for the second time in the last few minutes. “Is that where you know your boyfriend from? You met him in that place?”
I roll my eyes. “Eric’s not my boyfriend, but yeah, he was in there, but-“
“Oh, it seems like he’s not your boyfriend,” he interrupts me, “that’s why he followed you home, because he’s not your boyfriend. Really seems like you were thinking about me in there with him.” He shakes his head again like he can’t believe how awful I am.
The room is spinning so fast around me, this was going so horrible, this was way worse than I had thought it was going to be. Of course I knew he would be upset and angry, but not like this, never like this. And how was he finding a way to be mad at me? He had no idea what it had been like in there, or how I felt everyday. He had no idea what it was like in there. And who was he to be giving me shit about Eric, who was really just my friend, when up until a day ago he had a girlfriend?
I feel
I force my eyes to meet his again, and again immediately wish that I didn’t. The amount of confusion and hurt that resides there would be too much for any normal person to take it, especially with all the pain I was feeling myself. “No, no, it wasn’t anyone’s fault…it just happened…” I trail off.
Nathan’s not paying attention anymore, instead looking around the room frantically. His eyes are darting in every which direction, and then my eyes land on what he’s looking for at the same time that his do. His phone.
“Nathan, what are you doing?” I ask as he takes a few hard steps toward the front of the room and grabs his phone off the table in one rough motion.
“I’m calling my mom to find out what the fuck they did.” He’s pounding away at keys on his screen now.
“No! No! You can’t! Nathan, you can’t!” I’m practically on top of him in a matter of seconds trying to wrestle his phone away from him. “If you tell them you know they’ll send me back! I’m not allowed to tell anyone!”
Nathan freezes, his hand still wrapped around his phone, ready to keep dialing at any moment.
“I can’t go back there, please, you can’t tell anyone.”
The amount of rage that consumes his body is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, not even in the wellness center. In one swift motion he takes his phone and throws it across the room, it hits the wall on the opposite side of the room and immediately shatters into a bunch of pieces.
I stare at the place where the phone made contact with the wall, too shocked to speak.
“And what? You just came back and decided to not tell me anything? You thought you’d just come back and go along with everyone else’s story? You didn’t think I deserved to know the fucking truth?” If Nathan’s shocked that he just threw his phone across the room, he’s not showing it. Choosing instead to keep spitting question out at me. It feels like he grows more and more angry by the second.
“I couldn’t tell you! Didn’t you just hear what I said? I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone!”
He shakes his head, not taking his dark gaze off of me for even a second. “That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it. You know me. You know we would have figured it out. We could have…we could have…”
“We could have what? We could have nothing! There was nothing I could have done!” I had done a pretty job at keeping myself calm up until this point, but I could feel my emotions starting to unravel now, tired of being bottled up for so long.
“Of course we could have done something! It’s me, it’s us, there’s always something we can do! Did you even care? Did you even think about me at all?”
I close my eyes for a second, trying to let the anger slip back inside of me, but it’s hard, all I really want to do is scream and yell and laugh and cry and hit him and kiss him all at the same time. “How could you even ask me that?”
A look of realization passes over his face for the second time in the last few minutes. “Is that where you know your boyfriend from? You met him in that place?”
I roll my eyes. “Eric’s not my boyfriend, but yeah, he was in there, but-“
“Oh, it seems like he’s not your boyfriend,” he interrupts me, “that’s why he followed you home, because he’s not your boyfriend. Really seems like you were thinking about me in there with him.” He shakes his head again like he can’t believe how awful I am.
The room is spinning so fast around me, this was going so horrible, this was way worse than I had thought it was going to be. Of course I knew he would be upset and angry, but not like this, never like this. And how was he finding a way to be mad at me? He had no idea what it had been like in there, or how I felt everyday. He had no idea what it was like in there. And who was he to be giving me shit about Eric, who was really just my friend, when up until a day ago he had a girlfriend?
I feel
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