Read Online Count It All Joy by Ashea S. Goldson - Free Book Online Page B

ran the community. Although my father was a very powerful man, I knew my mother was the stronger of the two. Even now that he was in his hospital bed, I didn’t worry that mother would be fine without him, but I didn’t know if my father would be fine without her.
    When we got home, I just wanted to be alone, but Alex wouldn’t let it go. She followed me around the room. “What are we going to do, Joshua?”
    Just like a woman, always nagging. I mean, we hadn’t been in the house two minutes and Alex was already whining. I didn’t have all the answers, and I hated that. So I disappeared into the kitchen where I had left my financials sprawled across the table.
    I plopped down in the vinyl chair and buried my head in my hands. Before I could lift my head I heard the sound of Alex’s gentle footsteps.
    â€œI don’t think we can do it. There’s just too much going on,” I said.
    â€œToo much going on? Do what?”
    â€œThe Kiano thing.” I threw my hands into the air.
    â€œWhere are we going to come up with the money for the adoption, along with paying for my last quarter in school and all these bills De—” I stopped before I went any further.
    â€œNo, go ahead and finish. It won’t offend me. All these bills Delilah left you. That’s what you were going to say, right? And shouldn’t she have had life insurance to cover some of her debt anyway?”
    â€œBelieve it or not, I did use some of it for that, but most of it went toward her funeral and moving expenses. Plus it took me a minute to find a job here in New York City after Lilah and I moved.”
    â€œI understand all of that.”
    â€œI just don’t know if we can swing this international thing anymore. It’s very expensive.” I cringed at the thought that my own mother had added to this pressure.
    â€œIt was always expensive,” Alex said.
    â€œAnd you know my mother won’t help us with the adoption expenses anymore, not that she should have to ...”
    â€œI know she doesn’t have to, but she promised.” Alex blinked her eyes to hold back tears.
    â€œWe promised too.”
    â€œI know, and I’m sorry.”
    â€œSorry? You should’ve been sorry when Delilah was using up all your money buying her authentic Gucci wardrobe.” Alex’s piercing stare made me uncomfortable. “Look, I apologize. I don’t want to be mean. It’s just that Kiano means a lot to me, and I made him a promise. We made him a promise. We can’t go back on that now.”
    I stood up and pulled her close to me. “Alex, you’re right, and I am sorry. I never wanted to bring you into this mess. I should’ve paid all my debts off before we even got engaged. It’s just that when I met you, my whole world changed, and I didn’t want to wait for my finances to change too.”
    â€œI know.”
    â€œNo, you don’t know. After Delilah, I wasn’t sure I could love again ...” I was holding back so Alex wouldn’t see how weak I really was.
    â€œIt’ll be okay. Maybe I can do some overtime, take on more hours for a while or something.” Alex smiled and patted me on the shoulder. “Who knows?”
    â€œNo way. Not my wife.”
    â€œBut Joshua ...”
    â€œThis discussion is over.” I left the room while I could still stand myself.
    It hurt my heart to hear my wife talk like this when all I wanted was to be a good provider, a good husband, and father. And I really wanted Alex to stay home and be a good mother. It was just this whole money thing turned upside down. It was bad enough she had to even work part-time, but the thought of her having to work extra hours really made me upset. I was supposed to take care of everything so she could concentrate on carrying my baby. I needed God to help me get a grip on things. I needed a grip fast.

Chapter Eight
    Alex
    Â 
    The next morning the