Read Online Convicted (Entangled Ignite) by Dee Tenorio - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Dee Tenorio
Ads: Link
not the Army or the Navy?”
He stared at her. That wasn’t at all what he’d expected. “There was never anything else for me.”
“What do you mean?”
Just that. It hadn’t been so much a choice as knowing exactly where he belonged and being willing to prove it. “You can’t just join the Marines. People fail basic training all the time. You have to earn it. Become one. Be worthy of it.”
And that was the crux of his problem. He wasn’t worthy, not anymore.
“They are the first to arrive and the last to leave any conflict. Every conflict. I admired that. Wanted to be that for people who needed me. The honor they have, the code…” Honor, Courage, Commitment . Never give up, never give in. It had defined his life, his being, for so long. Even now, his way a vague path he could barely traverse, he held onto the tenants he’d been taught. They were all that held him together. “It’s who I always wanted to be.”
Who he wished he still was.
Her inscrutable look slowly turned into a patient smile, as if he’d done something right. “Then you’re a lucky guy. Most folks have no idea who they want to be, especially when they get lost.”
Once a Marine, always a Marine. That’s what his drill sergeants told him. For them, for the men he’d fought with, it was true. For him, it was an unattainable goal. Realizing it made all the anger rush through him in a hot, bitter wave.
“What would you know about being lost?” Her life hadn’t been easy, but he doubted she knew what it was like to lose her connection to everything and everyone. She couldn’t understand what it was like to not even know who she was supposed to be anymore.
“I watched my father be lost for years,” she answered softly. “Those are my only memories of him. He was a kind man. A wonderful, broken man, and he loved me more than anything. But there was this part of him I couldn’t reach. This…pain I could never save him from.”
But she’d wanted to. Cade could see the longing no poker face could hide. Just the sight of it tore whole swaths of the cotton from his mind. He recognized that longing. Knew it to the pits of his being.
“Then suddenly he was gone and I was left with Red Dog.”
He didn’t need empathy to imagine what that must have been like. A girl and a murderer, tied together by blood and law.
“I was the lost one, then. Angry at my father, angry at my uncle, angry at everyone and everything because there was no way out and no one would help me. They just hated me for belonging to him. So I hurt myself over and over again trying to find someplace to belong. Some way I could be myself and not be so fucking afraid all the time.”
“Did you?”
She nodded, the slightest dip of her chin. “It took a long time, but…I realized if I kept going the way I was, I’d end up exactly like my dad. Or worse, like Red Dog. No soul, no heart, nothing worth living for. If nothing else, I didn’t want that.”
“Is that what you’re trying to do here? All these visits? All your talk about therapy? You’re trying to save me?” He shouldn’t have been shocked. He hadn’t believed her Let’s-Be-Friends bullshit in the first place. Somehow, he felt the sting of disappointment anyway.
Her slim brow rose. “You think it’s too late for redemption?”
The verbal dodge just irritated him. “I don’t have the first clue what that word means. And I’m not going to find out, either.” Blood never washed away, and his hands were covered in it.
“You’re not missing much,” she conceded in that offhand way of hers that never failed to throw him off. “I’m not trying to save you. I’m the last person to try to save anyone. But you can’t blame a girl for hoping you’ll want to save yourself, can you?”
He wanted to have an answer for her, one that would make her leave him alone and stop pouring salt in his wounds. Until he realized he couldn’t find it. Or maybe this was just one of those times that
He stared at her. That wasn’t at all what he’d expected. “There was never anything else for me.”
“What do you mean?”
Just that. It hadn’t been so much a choice as knowing exactly where he belonged and being willing to prove it. “You can’t just join the Marines. People fail basic training all the time. You have to earn it. Become one. Be worthy of it.”
And that was the crux of his problem. He wasn’t worthy, not anymore.
“They are the first to arrive and the last to leave any conflict. Every conflict. I admired that. Wanted to be that for people who needed me. The honor they have, the code…” Honor, Courage, Commitment . Never give up, never give in. It had defined his life, his being, for so long. Even now, his way a vague path he could barely traverse, he held onto the tenants he’d been taught. They were all that held him together. “It’s who I always wanted to be.”
Who he wished he still was.
Her inscrutable look slowly turned into a patient smile, as if he’d done something right. “Then you’re a lucky guy. Most folks have no idea who they want to be, especially when they get lost.”
Once a Marine, always a Marine. That’s what his drill sergeants told him. For them, for the men he’d fought with, it was true. For him, it was an unattainable goal. Realizing it made all the anger rush through him in a hot, bitter wave.
“What would you know about being lost?” Her life hadn’t been easy, but he doubted she knew what it was like to lose her connection to everything and everyone. She couldn’t understand what it was like to not even know who she was supposed to be anymore.
“I watched my father be lost for years,” she answered softly. “Those are my only memories of him. He was a kind man. A wonderful, broken man, and he loved me more than anything. But there was this part of him I couldn’t reach. This…pain I could never save him from.”
But she’d wanted to. Cade could see the longing no poker face could hide. Just the sight of it tore whole swaths of the cotton from his mind. He recognized that longing. Knew it to the pits of his being.
“Then suddenly he was gone and I was left with Red Dog.”
He didn’t need empathy to imagine what that must have been like. A girl and a murderer, tied together by blood and law.
“I was the lost one, then. Angry at my father, angry at my uncle, angry at everyone and everything because there was no way out and no one would help me. They just hated me for belonging to him. So I hurt myself over and over again trying to find someplace to belong. Some way I could be myself and not be so fucking afraid all the time.”
“Did you?”
She nodded, the slightest dip of her chin. “It took a long time, but…I realized if I kept going the way I was, I’d end up exactly like my dad. Or worse, like Red Dog. No soul, no heart, nothing worth living for. If nothing else, I didn’t want that.”
“Is that what you’re trying to do here? All these visits? All your talk about therapy? You’re trying to save me?” He shouldn’t have been shocked. He hadn’t believed her Let’s-Be-Friends bullshit in the first place. Somehow, he felt the sting of disappointment anyway.
Her slim brow rose. “You think it’s too late for redemption?”
The verbal dodge just irritated him. “I don’t have the first clue what that word means. And I’m not going to find out, either.” Blood never washed away, and his hands were covered in it.
“You’re not missing much,” she conceded in that offhand way of hers that never failed to throw him off. “I’m not trying to save you. I’m the last person to try to save anyone. But you can’t blame a girl for hoping you’ll want to save yourself, can you?”
He wanted to have an answer for her, one that would make her leave him alone and stop pouring salt in his wounds. Until he realized he couldn’t find it. Or maybe this was just one of those times that
Similar Books
