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Authors: Scott Berkun
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points. People with the courage to speak the truth into a
microphone are exceptionally rare.
Few people know that Dale Carnegie’s most popular book,
How to Win Friends & Influence People
(Pocket), which is one of the bestselling self-help books in history,
received significant backlashfrom the press and cultural elites of its time. Carnegie was
ridiculed in editorials and cartoons, and mocked at colleges and
universities, for offering over-simplified and sappy advice (in the same
way Deepak Chopra and Dr. Phil are made fun of today). He was invited to
speak at the Dutch Treat Club in New York City, an elite group of
publishers, editors, and advertising men, the kind of cynical,
tough-minded folks most critical of his work. Despite warningsfrom his advisors, he chose to speak anyway, and here’s what
he said:
I know there’s considerable criticism of my book. People
say I’m not profound and there’s nothing in it new to psychology and
human relations. This is true. Gentlemen, I’ve never claimed to have a
new idea. Of course I deal with the obvious, I present, reiterate, and
glorify the obvious—because the obvious is what people need to be told.
The greatest need of people is to know how to deal with other people.
This should come naturally to them, but it doesn’t. I am told that you
are a hostile audience. But I plead “not guilty.” The ideas I stand for
are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from
Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus, and I put them in a book. If you
don’t like their rules, whose would you use? I’d be glad to
listen . [ 24 ]
According to one report, he received a huge round of applause. While
I’m not a big fan of that book, I am a fan of this story. He handled a
tough crowd in a bold, smart, and honest way.
However, on some days, no matter what you do, some folks will hate
you anyway. Occasionally, I encounter people who love to hate, or I just
rub them the wrong way for reasons I can’t explain. I once had a professor
at a university I was invited to lecture at interrupt me three times
before I moved past my first slide. Minutes later, after long glares and
inventively loud sighs, he got up and left. [ 25 ] Could I have done anything differently? I didn’t think so.
Sometimes a person just doesn’t like you and takes pleasure in hating you.
If I had tried to please him, perhaps I’d just make someone else equally
mad. I don’t mind being hated, since I hate some things and people, too.
But when it disrupts the audience, it’s now ruining something the rest of
the room seems to enjoy. Once the professor left, he spared me the
challenge of having to ask him to shut up or leave, which I would have had
to do if he continued.
For that, perhaps I should be grateful. It’s easy to forget that
most people feel trapped in their seats. If they want to leave, they can’t
bear the attention they’d get for standing up and scrambling over people’s
knees to get to the aisle. If someone is unhappy, I’m happy to see him go
rather than spoil the energy for everyone else. I don’t find it rude at
all—it’s a blessing. A small crowd of 5 interested people looks bad but is
a better situation than 50 people who want to leave but won’t.
If you’re truly afraid you will be on hostile turf, some extra
legwork can relieve your fears. Ask your host how large the crowd tends to
be and what common questions might get asked. Request the names of three
people to interview who are representative of the crowd you will speak to.
See if your fears are real or imagined. Then, when giving your talk, make
sure to mention, “Here are the three top complaints I heard from my
research with Tyler, Marla, and Cornelius.” Including the audience in your
talk will score you tons of points. Few people ever do this, and if the
rest of the crowd disagrees with Tyler, Marla, or Cornelius, they can sort
that out on their own
microphone are exceptionally rare.
Few people know that Dale Carnegie’s most popular book,
How to Win Friends & Influence People
(Pocket), which is one of the bestselling self-help books in history,
received significant backlashfrom the press and cultural elites of its time. Carnegie was
ridiculed in editorials and cartoons, and mocked at colleges and
universities, for offering over-simplified and sappy advice (in the same
way Deepak Chopra and Dr. Phil are made fun of today). He was invited to
speak at the Dutch Treat Club in New York City, an elite group of
publishers, editors, and advertising men, the kind of cynical,
tough-minded folks most critical of his work. Despite warningsfrom his advisors, he chose to speak anyway, and here’s what
he said:
I know there’s considerable criticism of my book. People
say I’m not profound and there’s nothing in it new to psychology and
human relations. This is true. Gentlemen, I’ve never claimed to have a
new idea. Of course I deal with the obvious, I present, reiterate, and
glorify the obvious—because the obvious is what people need to be told.
The greatest need of people is to know how to deal with other people.
This should come naturally to them, but it doesn’t. I am told that you
are a hostile audience. But I plead “not guilty.” The ideas I stand for
are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from
Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus, and I put them in a book. If you
don’t like their rules, whose would you use? I’d be glad to
listen . [ 24 ]
According to one report, he received a huge round of applause. While
I’m not a big fan of that book, I am a fan of this story. He handled a
tough crowd in a bold, smart, and honest way.
However, on some days, no matter what you do, some folks will hate
you anyway. Occasionally, I encounter people who love to hate, or I just
rub them the wrong way for reasons I can’t explain. I once had a professor
at a university I was invited to lecture at interrupt me three times
before I moved past my first slide. Minutes later, after long glares and
inventively loud sighs, he got up and left. [ 25 ] Could I have done anything differently? I didn’t think so.
Sometimes a person just doesn’t like you and takes pleasure in hating you.
If I had tried to please him, perhaps I’d just make someone else equally
mad. I don’t mind being hated, since I hate some things and people, too.
But when it disrupts the audience, it’s now ruining something the rest of
the room seems to enjoy. Once the professor left, he spared me the
challenge of having to ask him to shut up or leave, which I would have had
to do if he continued.
For that, perhaps I should be grateful. It’s easy to forget that
most people feel trapped in their seats. If they want to leave, they can’t
bear the attention they’d get for standing up and scrambling over people’s
knees to get to the aisle. If someone is unhappy, I’m happy to see him go
rather than spoil the energy for everyone else. I don’t find it rude at
all—it’s a blessing. A small crowd of 5 interested people looks bad but is
a better situation than 50 people who want to leave but won’t.
If you’re truly afraid you will be on hostile turf, some extra
legwork can relieve your fears. Ask your host how large the crowd tends to
be and what common questions might get asked. Request the names of three
people to interview who are representative of the crowd you will speak to.
See if your fears are real or imagined. Then, when giving your talk, make
sure to mention, “Here are the three top complaints I heard from my
research with Tyler, Marla, and Cornelius.” Including the audience in your
talk will score you tons of points. Few people ever do this, and if the
rest of the crowd disagrees with Tyler, Marla, or Cornelius, they can sort
that out on their own
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