Read Online Complicit by Stephanie Kuehn - Free Book Online

the ground, on my back, looking up at the ceiling of the arena. A nest of barn swallows cooed and fluttered in the air.
    â€œOhhh,” I said.
    â€œAre you okay?” Cate kneeled beside me. The horse stood behind her, tail twitching.
    â€œWhat happened?” I asked. My head hurt. Bad.
    â€œYou had one of your spells. The breath-holding ones.”
    â€œI did?”
    She bit her lip and nodded. “You were panicking and then you stopped breathing and slid off. Good thing Cricket wasn’t going very fast. She was extra careful not to step on you.”
    She was? “Maybe you should call Mom.”
    Cate frowned. “Maybe you should get back on the horse and try again. Unless, of course, you’re still scared.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI promised you I’d show you something, didn’t I?”
    So I let her put me up on the horse again. But I trembled and wanted to get off almost immediately.
    â€œCate!”
    â€œShe’s not moving, Jamie. I promise. I’ll tell you before she moves. I want you to close your eyes and relax.”
    Relax? That was unlikely. My heart was trying to jackhammer its way out of my chest. Plus I already felt shaky and weak from blacking out, like the kids I’d seen who played the fainting game at school. They did their hyperventilating and choking in secret, but I always knew what they were up to. They were the ones that showed up after recess, all whey-faced and wobbly, unable to walk straight.
    Cate placed a hand on my back.
    â€œBreathe. Nice, slow breathing. And every time you let your breath out, concentrate on letting all your muscles go loose like you’re melting, like you’re sinking deep, deep, deep into the horse’s back. You and the horse are like one. That’s right. You’re doing it. Just like that. Keep doing it. Keep breathing. Keep melting and sinking. I’m going to take you somewhere inside of yourself where’s there’s no fear. None. You’re doing great. Keep breathing, keep sinking, keep going deeper and deeper and deeper…”
    I did what she said.
    I felt myself slip, slip, slipping.
    And then I heard her voice again. Sharp and bright. Like a ringing bell.
    â€œJamie. Jamie!”
    I blinked. I turned my head. I looked at Cate. Then I looked down. I was still on Cricket but she was trotting briskly and there I was riding her with both my arms outstretched.
    My heart stuttered.
    â€œCate!” I cried. “What’s going on?”
    â€œYou’re doing great. That’s what’s going on. No, no, don’t tense up now!”
    â€œI want to get off!”
    She had the biggest grin on her face. “Yeah, fine. You were doing awesome. Whoa now, Crick. Whoa.”
    The second the animal stopped moving, I slid off her and leaped to the ground, where I stood gasping for breath.
    â€œI don’t want to do that again. Ever.” I clutched my chest.
    â€œWhat’s wrong? You did good.”
    â€œCate, I don’t know what I did. I think there’s something wrong with my brain. From the blacking out. Or something.”
    â€œMmm. There’s nothing wrong with your brain. You did perfect, okay? This was my secret. I told you I’d show you something and I did.”
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    I was so unsettled after the horse incident, I immediately told Dr. Waverly what had happened. About the whole time down at the barn with Cate. Every detail.
    â€œYou actually passed out?” she asked.
    â€œYeah, I guess. Cate said I held my breath again, but I don’t remember doing that.”
    â€œThis happened twice?”
    â€œNo, I didn’t pass out twice. The second time—it was like the opposite. I was scared to be on the horse, but then all of a sudden I was okay. Only I can’t remember doing anything to make myself feel better.”
    â€œI see,” she said.
    â€œDo you think … does this mean that I’m, like,