Read Online Colt by Nancy Springer - Free Book Online

Six
    â€œWant to play rummy or something?” Lauri offered.
    â€œNo thanks.” It was more than two months since that last disastrous ride; it was November, nearly Thanksgiving, and Colt still didn’t feel like doing anything. It was not that he was sulking. He felt too miserable to enjoy sulking. He wasn’t even interested in being a brat anymore.
    Lauri said more quietly, “Want to talk?”
    He had talked with her before, and knew she understood better than most people because she loved horses. She could imagine how he felt about Liverwurst. She had stopped being one of those strange, alien, interesting beings called “girl” and had turned into a friend. But there were some things maybe she couldn’t understand. Colt was not sure she could imagine how it felt to be a boy, and handicapped. How someday he was going to want a girl to like him as a boy, and he wasn’t sure it could ever happen.… He shook his head. “What’s to talk about?”
    Lauri shrugged. “Well, I’ve got to do my math.”
    Rosie drifted into the bedroom as Lauri left. Crosscountry season was over, the hair had long since grown back on Rosie’s legs, and now he wore sweat pants anyway. He said to Colt, “Play you a game of chess?”
    Colt didn’t even have the energy to be annoyed at invitations that were getting repetitious. “No. Thanks.”
    Rosie got down on the floor, stretched, and said, “Do some exercises with me?”
    Lying on his bed, Colt did not even shrug. Rosie looked at him.
    â€œNo use letting yourself lose all that muscle tone you got last summer, even if you can’t go horseback riding anymore.”
    â€œI hate exercises,” Colt said without much spirit. All his life he had been doing physical therapy, and all his life he was going to be doing physical therapy, by the looks of things. And he had never been able to enjoy exercises for their own sake. He had to have a reason to want to do them.
    â€œHey, superjock, you should learn to like them,” Rosie tried to tease. “Girls love muscles. Especially push-up muscles.”
    â€œGive me a break,” Colt said bitterly. “No girl’s ever going to want me.” This was maybe not quite true. Once he had dreamed of having his own car with hand controls and a girl to ride around in it with him. But now he didn’t want to dream about anything.
    Silence. Then Rosie protested quietly, “Aw, Colt, c’mon. Wake up. Things could be worse.”
    Colt was convinced that they couldn’t be. Suddenly he was angry, and he reared up and blazed at the older boy, “You don’t know what it’s like! I’ve got to live like this.… You want to know how bad spina bifida is? It’s so bad they don’t even know how long I’m supposed to last!”
    Rosie’s eyes widened. What Colt meant was that treatment had come so far so fast the statistics were not yet in. But Colt didn’t explain this to Rosie. Explaining would have spoiled the effect.
    â€œAnd right now I really don’t care!”
    â€œYes you do,” said Rosie from the floor.
    â€œNo I don’t! Why should I care about anything? My own father—” Colt stopped with a gulp. He hadn’t meant to talk about that.
    Rosie looked at him. “Go ahead,” Rosie said, and in response to his quiet tone Colt did.
    â€œAfter I was born, he left. Disappeared. Never came back. Didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Doesn’t even want to look at me because I’m such a freak. Now, isn’t that supposed to make me feel good?” Colt’s voice rose to a cynical whine.
    â€œCould be worse,” Rosie said. “My mom left for no particular reason at all.”
    Colt grew still, looking at Rosie. Something hidden behind Rosie’s words told him that “could be worse” was not just an expression people used. Rosie’s