Read Online Coda Books 06 - Fear, Hope, and Bread Pudding (MM) by Marie Sexton - Free Book Online
Authors: Marie Sexton
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sighed, obviously not convinced. “Well, she said how the Pantheon was nothing like she expected. That it was so much smaller. And I said, ‘I’m so jealous. I’ve always wanted to go to Greece.’”
“Ah,” I said. “You were thinking of the Parthenon.”
“Yes.”
“It’s an honest mistake.”
She laughed. “No, it’s not. Not to people like them, at any rate. It was stupid.”
“So, what happened?”
“She laughed at me. She said, ‘Honey, you’ll never be one of us. Why don’t you go hang out in the kitchen, with the mistresses?’”
I could see why she would have developed her air of haughty nonchalance as a shield against their derision. “The mistresses probably would have been more fun.”
“Probably.”
“Were there any good times?”
“A few. In Vail, especially. We’d go skiing. Back when my Cole was little, not even ten yet. Nicholas would ski on his own, and even though Cole could already ski better than I could, he’d stay with me. We’d go down the green slopes together. That’s one of my only memories of feeling like I was a real mother.”
“He still has that condo.”
“Does he? I’m surprised.”
“I’m not.”
She shifted, looking away from me to stare at the motionless ceiling fan over the bed. “He came to live with me for a bit, right after his father died.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“It was only a few months.”
“What happened?”
“He turned sixteen and bought himself a car. I hardly saw him after that. He didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Sounds like a normal sixteen-year-old to me.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. He was so angry. His father was dead, and I think he was trying to sort out his sexuality. I’d try to talk to him, and he’d just walk away.”
“So you quit trying?”
“I think that’s what he wanted.”
I thought she was wrong. No child wants his mother to give up on him.
We lay for a while in silence, suddenly awkward. The bed we were sharing suddenly felt cold.
I was torn. On one hand, I felt sorry for her. She’d been young and without any kind of support. Certainly Cole’s father hadn’t helped matters any. Jon had always assumed that Grace avoided Cole because she was busy being a social butterfly. I didn’t think that was true. I sensed she was terribly lonely and had avoided her son simply because she didn’t know how to make things right. Still, I couldn’t understand how little effort she’d made. “You should have come to the wedding.”
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of embarrassing myself.”
Anger flared in my chest. “He’s your son. It was an important day for him. For both of them! And all you could think about was yourself?”
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
That was good, because I didn’t.
J ON called early the next morning to let me know they were home but hadn’t met with Thomas yet. I hung up and lay in bed for a moment, thinking about the night before. I was nervous about facing Grace, not because of the sex, but because we’d gone to sleep with things tense between us. I couldn’t comprehend some of the things she’d done—telling Cole she’d meet him for Christmas but never showing up, not calling on his birthday, not coming to the wedding—and yet, I didn’t think she was a bad person. Not really. I thought she might be even more damaged than her son.
I found her in the kitchen getting ready to make breakfast. “There’s coffee,” she said, pointing to the pot.
“Thanks.”
I poured a cup and sat at the table, watching her lay bacon in a frying pan and crack eggs into a bowl. “Are you the one who taught Cole to love cooking?”
She shook her head. “I could never cook like that.”
“I didn’t ask if you taught him how to cook. I asked if you’re the one who taught him to love it?”
She bit her lip. “I guess I’d like to think so.” She put her head down so that her hair
“Ah,” I said. “You were thinking of the Parthenon.”
“Yes.”
“It’s an honest mistake.”
She laughed. “No, it’s not. Not to people like them, at any rate. It was stupid.”
“So, what happened?”
“She laughed at me. She said, ‘Honey, you’ll never be one of us. Why don’t you go hang out in the kitchen, with the mistresses?’”
I could see why she would have developed her air of haughty nonchalance as a shield against their derision. “The mistresses probably would have been more fun.”
“Probably.”
“Were there any good times?”
“A few. In Vail, especially. We’d go skiing. Back when my Cole was little, not even ten yet. Nicholas would ski on his own, and even though Cole could already ski better than I could, he’d stay with me. We’d go down the green slopes together. That’s one of my only memories of feeling like I was a real mother.”
“He still has that condo.”
“Does he? I’m surprised.”
“I’m not.”
She shifted, looking away from me to stare at the motionless ceiling fan over the bed. “He came to live with me for a bit, right after his father died.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“It was only a few months.”
“What happened?”
“He turned sixteen and bought himself a car. I hardly saw him after that. He didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“Sounds like a normal sixteen-year-old to me.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. He was so angry. His father was dead, and I think he was trying to sort out his sexuality. I’d try to talk to him, and he’d just walk away.”
“So you quit trying?”
“I think that’s what he wanted.”
I thought she was wrong. No child wants his mother to give up on him.
We lay for a while in silence, suddenly awkward. The bed we were sharing suddenly felt cold.
I was torn. On one hand, I felt sorry for her. She’d been young and without any kind of support. Certainly Cole’s father hadn’t helped matters any. Jon had always assumed that Grace avoided Cole because she was busy being a social butterfly. I didn’t think that was true. I sensed she was terribly lonely and had avoided her son simply because she didn’t know how to make things right. Still, I couldn’t understand how little effort she’d made. “You should have come to the wedding.”
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of embarrassing myself.”
Anger flared in my chest. “He’s your son. It was an important day for him. For both of them! And all you could think about was yourself?”
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
That was good, because I didn’t.
J ON called early the next morning to let me know they were home but hadn’t met with Thomas yet. I hung up and lay in bed for a moment, thinking about the night before. I was nervous about facing Grace, not because of the sex, but because we’d gone to sleep with things tense between us. I couldn’t comprehend some of the things she’d done—telling Cole she’d meet him for Christmas but never showing up, not calling on his birthday, not coming to the wedding—and yet, I didn’t think she was a bad person. Not really. I thought she might be even more damaged than her son.
I found her in the kitchen getting ready to make breakfast. “There’s coffee,” she said, pointing to the pot.
“Thanks.”
I poured a cup and sat at the table, watching her lay bacon in a frying pan and crack eggs into a bowl. “Are you the one who taught Cole to love cooking?”
She shook her head. “I could never cook like that.”
“I didn’t ask if you taught him how to cook. I asked if you’re the one who taught him to love it?”
She bit her lip. “I guess I’d like to think so.” She put her head down so that her hair
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