Read Online Coco Pinchard, the Consequences of Love and Sex: A Funny, Feel-Good, Romantic Comedy by Robert Bryndza - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Robert Bryndza
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dimples.
‘I propose a toast,’ said Oscar. ‘To a beautiful healthy baby.’ We all clinked glasses.
‘Come on, open your present,’ said Rosencrantz. I tore off the paper. It was a lovely bottle of champagne, and an envelope.
‘We got you a voucher for a his and hers spa day,’ said Oscar.
‘And the champagne is to have after you’ve given birth,’ added Rosencrantz. ‘We couldn’t think of any other time a woman is more deserving of a lovely glass of champagne.’
I got quite emotional as we thanked the boys.
‘And don’t worry about being an older mum, Mum,’ said Rosencrantz. ‘You guys are in a great position to have a baby. You’ve done it before, you’re more established. You own this house, and Adam’s flat round the corner. It’s perfect.’
‘Cool, you’re in property?’ asked Oscar. ‘My mother is too.’
‘Well I wouldn’t say we’re ‘in property’,’ said Adam. ‘Renting out the flat pays the mortgage and gives us a little extra to live on.’
‘Isn’t the Tenancy Deposit Scheme a bureaucratic nightmare!’ said Oscar.
‘The what?’ asked Adam.
‘The Tenancy Deposit Scheme, I had to help my mother transfer all our tenants’ deposits over when the scheme launched. Nightmare.’
Adam looked blank.
‘Did you do this tenancy deposit thing?’ I said.
‘Not yet,’ said Adam shifting uncomfortably.
‘Don’t worry, your letting agent must have done it for you,’ said Oscar.
‘I didn’t use a letting agent,’ said Adam. ‘I put a card up in the caff on Baker Street.’
‘You should have used an agent. Running credit checks on all the people you interviewed must have been so pricey,’ said Oscar.
Adam looked blank again.
‘You did run a credit check on our tenant? What’s her name?’ I said.
‘She showed me her savings booklet…’ said Adam. There was a scandalised silence.
‘So what job do you do?’ asked Oscar changing the subject.
‘Nothing at the moment. I’m looking for work in the public sector,’ said Adam.
There was yet another awkward silence. Rosencrantz changed the subject to safer ground, and they chatted on about their acting auditions and trip to Ibiza, but the happy atmosphere between me and Adam had evaporated.
‘Can I see the tenancy agreement for the woman who rents your flat?’ I asked, when the boys had left.
‘I haven’t got one,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘She’s been there for over a year now and we’ve had no problems.’
‘So you’re telling me that our main source of income depends on a word-of-mouth agreement with a dotty old spinster?’
‘She’s not dotty!’
‘What job does she do?’
‘I think she’s on disability allowance…’
‘I don’t believe this. We have no savings Adam! We’re screwed.’
‘Coco. Why have you never brought this up before?’
‘It didn’t seem as urgent,’ I said. ‘But we’re having a bloody baby. The most expensive thing you can have!’
‘It’ll be fine,’ said Adam, but I could see from his face he didn’t believe it either.
Saturday 4thFebruary
Adam phoned our tenant this morning. I perched beside him on the sofa when he made the call.
‘Hi Tabitha? It’s Adam. How are you?’ he said. There was a long pause as he listened, an indulgent smile on his face.
‘Yeah, this damp weather will do that to your knees… No, thank you, I don’t want any of your Victoria sponge… Yes it is delicious, but I’m on a new workout regime… Thank you. I do look after myself… No, I’ve never tried modelling.’
I rolled my eyes and nudged him to get on with it.
‘Listen, Tabitha. I need to talk to you about the flat…’ he said. ‘No, there’s no problem… I wanted to see what you thought about getting yourself on a tenancy agreement…? Yes, signing one. Ok… well have a think… ok, bye.’ Adam put the phone down.
‘What the hell was that?’ I said.
‘She said she’d think about it.’
‘We need to make her sign
‘I propose a toast,’ said Oscar. ‘To a beautiful healthy baby.’ We all clinked glasses.
‘Come on, open your present,’ said Rosencrantz. I tore off the paper. It was a lovely bottle of champagne, and an envelope.
‘We got you a voucher for a his and hers spa day,’ said Oscar.
‘And the champagne is to have after you’ve given birth,’ added Rosencrantz. ‘We couldn’t think of any other time a woman is more deserving of a lovely glass of champagne.’
I got quite emotional as we thanked the boys.
‘And don’t worry about being an older mum, Mum,’ said Rosencrantz. ‘You guys are in a great position to have a baby. You’ve done it before, you’re more established. You own this house, and Adam’s flat round the corner. It’s perfect.’
‘Cool, you’re in property?’ asked Oscar. ‘My mother is too.’
‘Well I wouldn’t say we’re ‘in property’,’ said Adam. ‘Renting out the flat pays the mortgage and gives us a little extra to live on.’
‘Isn’t the Tenancy Deposit Scheme a bureaucratic nightmare!’ said Oscar.
‘The what?’ asked Adam.
‘The Tenancy Deposit Scheme, I had to help my mother transfer all our tenants’ deposits over when the scheme launched. Nightmare.’
Adam looked blank.
‘Did you do this tenancy deposit thing?’ I said.
‘Not yet,’ said Adam shifting uncomfortably.
‘Don’t worry, your letting agent must have done it for you,’ said Oscar.
‘I didn’t use a letting agent,’ said Adam. ‘I put a card up in the caff on Baker Street.’
‘You should have used an agent. Running credit checks on all the people you interviewed must have been so pricey,’ said Oscar.
Adam looked blank again.
‘You did run a credit check on our tenant? What’s her name?’ I said.
‘She showed me her savings booklet…’ said Adam. There was a scandalised silence.
‘So what job do you do?’ asked Oscar changing the subject.
‘Nothing at the moment. I’m looking for work in the public sector,’ said Adam.
There was yet another awkward silence. Rosencrantz changed the subject to safer ground, and they chatted on about their acting auditions and trip to Ibiza, but the happy atmosphere between me and Adam had evaporated.
‘Can I see the tenancy agreement for the woman who rents your flat?’ I asked, when the boys had left.
‘I haven’t got one,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘She’s been there for over a year now and we’ve had no problems.’
‘So you’re telling me that our main source of income depends on a word-of-mouth agreement with a dotty old spinster?’
‘She’s not dotty!’
‘What job does she do?’
‘I think she’s on disability allowance…’
‘I don’t believe this. We have no savings Adam! We’re screwed.’
‘Coco. Why have you never brought this up before?’
‘It didn’t seem as urgent,’ I said. ‘But we’re having a bloody baby. The most expensive thing you can have!’
‘It’ll be fine,’ said Adam, but I could see from his face he didn’t believe it either.
Saturday 4thFebruary
Adam phoned our tenant this morning. I perched beside him on the sofa when he made the call.
‘Hi Tabitha? It’s Adam. How are you?’ he said. There was a long pause as he listened, an indulgent smile on his face.
‘Yeah, this damp weather will do that to your knees… No, thank you, I don’t want any of your Victoria sponge… Yes it is delicious, but I’m on a new workout regime… Thank you. I do look after myself… No, I’ve never tried modelling.’
I rolled my eyes and nudged him to get on with it.
‘Listen, Tabitha. I need to talk to you about the flat…’ he said. ‘No, there’s no problem… I wanted to see what you thought about getting yourself on a tenancy agreement…? Yes, signing one. Ok… well have a think… ok, bye.’ Adam put the phone down.
‘What the hell was that?’ I said.
‘She said she’d think about it.’
‘We need to make her sign
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